Hand holding

We are opening a new chapter with our oldest son. It's one in which I'm obviously not prepared. The last week I have heard the same statement several times in various situations, "Mom, I just want you to let me be a man. I'm trying to be a man!" Already, at 8 1/2?

Yesterday I had my best friend and her children over after lunch. While the children played, we grabbed two warm blankets and a comfy spot to talk. I recounted for her our latest boy vs. young man dilemma. We were at the grocery store and Lydie had to use the restroom. Jaybird asked permission to stand by the water fountain instead of coming with us into the ladies' restroom. We have had the rule until now that "if I can not see or hear you, then you are not safe" when we are in public places. It has served us well. I reminded J of the rule and he pleaded, "I know that was the rule. But I want to be a man, now." Bless his sweet heart. At that moment (Lydie was ready to get to the potty), I did not feel okay with changing our rule. So I asked him to come with us and we would talk later. He looked so humiliated, but he chose not to argue.

It has been a few days since our trip to the store, and I was still unsure of what to do. Andy has worked long hours, traveling four days this week. We have not had any opportunity for extended conversation. I needed an answer for my patient son. My friend, Liz, came to my rescue. I have been friends with ladies before that refused to share their problems or shortcomings, much less ask for advice. They had a white-knuckled grasp on their image and pride. Actually, we are all like that at times, I guess. In my experience, vulnerability is such a small price to pay for the great blessing of bearing one another's burdens and sharing one another's joys. I am always more prepared and excited about my calling as a wife and mom after I have been with Liz.

This is what Liz told me. She pointed out how mature and admirable J's request had been. He didn't try to sneak or demand new freedom, he requested it. And he submitted when it was denied. She reminded me that the way he handled himself was probably indicative that he is ready for more responsibility. And this is the part I really appreciated, she made a practical suggestion. I have a vision for where I want my children to go and be, but I sometimes have trouble figuring out the small, practical details of how to get from here to there. And Liz has trouble seeing beyond the moment, which I can balance because my head is always in the clouds! Any way, her suggestion was that we keep our set of walkie talkies in the car. When we are shopping, I can throw them in my purse. By having the walkie talkie we can follow the rule of "being where I can see or hear him" (in this case, by hearing him), but he can also have a little extra freedom by standing alone. Problem solved. I would have never thought of walkie talkies!

When I shared my solution with J yesterday, the look on his face was priceless. It was such a good moment to be able to tell him that I could allow him to be alone in the store because he has earned it. I pointed out to him the areas that he has shown maturity and initiative, by God's grace. And he beamed. He lovingly reminded me, "Don't worry, Mom. I am still going to live next door to you when I grow up." I love that kid.

What a strange, exciting thing to watch my little 8 year old take these small steps towards manhood. While he is gradually letting go of my hand, I am squeezing my grip more and more tightly on the Lord and those who support me.