My best friend loves January. She loves to bask in the hope of a new year. She has started an annual party on New Year's Eve, a perfect celebration for her. She gets so excited about her starting over month.I, on the other hand, hate this time of year. I always seem unhappy and even a little sad, for no apparent reason. Maybe it is the weather and less outdoor outings or because my kids always seem to get sick around this time. It could be post-Christmas blues (even though I mentally welcome normalcy after the holidays). And this year, I am sure my husband's new job in an office (as opposed to downstairs) has a lot to do with it. I wish I knew exactly the reason.
One disadvantage of struggling through January is the fact that schools are beginning to enroll for next year. One hard week of homeschooling can make me question our decision as a whole. Today we had to take a day off in order for me to catch up around the house. I had to force myself to see this flexibility as an advantage and not a failure. This morning I listened to my friend tell me about "Colonial Day" at my son's old school. It stung a little, as I have been praying for more friends for my children. (I am realizing that unless your children's playmates are your neighbors or homeschoolers, it is very difficult to maintain friendships around differing school schedules. That has been a painful realization!)
While I am sharing my struggles, I will also admit that I feel a need for more time alone with my baby. I experienced weekly gym class, playgroups, and library time with the boys individually when they were toddlers. I miss that with Lydie. It is rare for me to go anywhere alone with her, and now much less probable without Andy around during the day.
Lastly, I am starved for more time to use my own gifts/talents. Some months there is not a minute for any of that. I don't feel I can be the best at anything else without these outlets. But with three little ones, I frequently have to let it go.
I hesitate to share all of these negatives thoughts. I certainly do not want to discourage anyone that might be considering home schooling their own little ones. But I think if you are called to this task, this little post would certainly not convince you otherwise. Only, maybe make you aware of what to expect, or even how to avoid these pitfalls altogether. If you have read any of my posts in the past, it should be pretty obvious that I mostly treasure this time with my children. And besides, many of my good friends have their children in public or private school and are much, much more overwhelmed than I am.
That's all for now. I am not going to offer any advice to myself like I usually do. Hanging on and searching for His guidance...again. Is it spring yet???
"Take to heart all the words that I am giving you today...This is no trifling matter for you, but rather your very life..."
Deuteronomy 32:46-47
5 comments:
Just checking in. Thanks for sharing. I think it is very helpful for folks to know their feelings are normal. Hope we get some sunshine soon!
Sweet Friend, thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions...as raw as they are, they always seem to be a source of encouragement to me.
I can't relate to your homeschooling blues, however, when it comes to winter, I can RELATE.
Yesterday was the first time we have seen a glimpse of sunshine since in December sometime. We've have broken more records for rain and flooding...and it seems "they" are telling us that winter has just begun. Heaven help us!!!
The only thing that I can think of that I love about winter is that it is preparing the beautiful daffodil and tulip bulbs to be as gorgeous as ever in a few months as they "chill" underground.
Although it seems as though all of nature is dead, it's really resting and getting ready for their huge performance in spring! THAT is what I am dreaming of!
Hang in there! It's really ok and normal to feel they way you do. The valleys will make the mountain tops more stunning!
Last year it was February when the blues hit me. I am thankful to be able to say that although they stayed around for the ENTIRE MONTH, they haven't come back. But I wouldn't be surprised if they returned before winter is over... ;) Funny thing: I felt very alone through that time, but as the fog lifted, I had at least 2 other women (who did not know how I was feeling) share with me that they were feeling very down, too...
When I was younger, the blues came around much more often. I am by nature an introspective person, which doesn't help the melancholy.
I've learned in the last few years that there is a time for introspection: but it is NOT when I am feeling melancholy. This rule has helped me tremendously in learning how to manage my fears.
And so when I'm blue I tend to get very quiet, "hunkering down," so to speak, waiting on God and trying to keep my mind occuppied with other, lighter things and duties... things as simple as a good book or housework or cooking...
I read this just the other day, in the comment section of another blog:
"One of the ways fear gets a grip on us is when we try to fight it by engaging in conversation with it, when actually the best way to deal with fear is to simply ignore it. It can seem to us that we should fight it by talking ourselves out of it via Scripture passages and prayer. But once you get in a conversation with your fears, even if you are laying out Scriptures to yourself, it can be likened to a fight with a tarbaby. And that in itself is often the goal of the temptation. But ignoring it requires self-discipline and grace (obviously). I liken it to fear pounding on the door, but you don’t have to let it in (1 Peter 3:6). This is all in the context of submission to God. Do not let fear get a foothold by discussing it with yourself. Change the subject. Plan your vacation or your garden or your menu. Pray for your neighbors instead of your fears. Hope that helps."
That reminds me of Martin Luther, when he said that sometimes just letting go of the argument is an act of faith in itself. I've taken those words to heart, because I'm strongly tempted NOT TO with my temperament! I don't let go of anything easily, I'm afraid. Tarbaby, indeed.
You have another whole post inside this one about the sacrificial nature of motherhood... and the sanctification that comes with it. But I'll leave that for you to write, another day. :)
Hope your blues lift soon - I feel your pain, sister! :)
Have a wonderful weekend with your family.
Much love,
Jen
"...many of my good friends have their children in public or private school and are much, much more overwhelmed than I am."
That is so true!
I finally encourage a woman at our church to start homeschooling, and two weeks later she came up to me and said, "I can't believe how much more time I have now!"
It's a beautiful thing [smile].
~Luke
Ditto! And I love the verse at the end...
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