Our smallness

"God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him."

John Piper

God has been putting a reoccurring theme in my life lately.  And that theme is that I am so very small, and He is so very big.  I have been asked to pray for so many people lately who have suffered or are in the midst of great suffering.  The husband whose wife shattered the bones and damaged the organs along the entire left side of her body, tip to top, in a car accident.  Also, a couple of cases of traumatic brain injury, one to the college student in a car accident and one to the high school student in a golf cart accident.  Mom as she continues to recover from surgeries and chemotherapy.  The list goes on and on and reminds me of what a blessing good health is and how it should be cherished.  And it also reminds me that I am not in control.

As I pray and look ahead to the fall where I will have less influence and time with my children, I feel so small.  I realize how many new challenges will be a part of their lives that they have only experienced on a small level.  Some include peer pressure, more of an emphasis on grades/performance, etc.  Although I feel like we are being called to make this change, and I am so, SO excited, I realize how little I can control.  Even in the most conducive atmosphere to godly friendships (wonderful Christian school), I cannot control many things that they will experience in their personal relationships.  And the good thing is, I am not called to do the impossible.

I am called to point them to Jesus, but I am not their Savior.  I am to teach them that this life is not about them (getting their way, putting themselves first, acquiring stuff, etc.), it is about the glory of God.  I am called to fill my speech with His grace, be sorrowful and prayerful over my sin and theirs, point them to God's Word and other means of grace, and pray for them all the time.  I can pray for them to repent and turn from their sin, but I am not their Redeemer.

Sometimes I forget my priorities.  I think about what they are wearing or involved in as my priority for the day.  Do they look nice?  Should we go to this camp?  Some days I put the temporal ahead of the eternal.  Instead of seeing the times that they sin as opportunities to point them to the gospel (both through gentle mentorship and firm consequences), I feel angry with them instead of compassionate and sad.  I cannot control their hearts.  They are sinners, just like their Mama.  We are in this journey of sanctification together, and it is a serious, daily battle.  I am so little, He is so big.  I have so little control. 

But the more time I spend with Jesus, the more I realize how comforting it is.  I am little and there are many things that I really want to turn out a certain way.  But He is in control of the universe!  And He is glorious, all-knowing, and wise.  He knows the number of hairs on our heads, every detail of our hearts and minds.  And we are created for Him, for His glory, not our own.  It is so freeing to just let go and trust a Big God.  And it is nice to know that when I fret again, He will still be merciful and kind to me, His beloved. 

Psalm 100

Make a joyful noise to the Lord

All the land.

Serve the Lord with gladness.

Come into His presence with singing.

Know that the Lord is God.

It is He who made us and not ourselves.

We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving

And into His courts with praise.

Be thankful to Him and bless His name.

The Lord is good.

His mercy is everlasting,

And His truth endures to all generations.

 

Begging

Lord Jesus,

Help me remember today when I meet

the stranger,

the family member,

the rich one,

the poor one,

the joyful,

the bitter,

the young,

the old,

the insecure,

the proud,

the Christian,

the non-Christian,

and particularly the one that you know I struggle with,

that I have one very significant thing in common with each and every one.

We are all broken and in need of a Savior. Every day.

Please Jesus, take away my

naive expectations,

negative stereotypes,

false assumptions,

disbelief in real change,

strong, strong desire to retreat,

inability to extend compassion yet again,

pain, shame, and weaknesses,

and pour your Holy Spirit- Peace- in its place.

I have no capability,

desire,

motivation,

energy,

insight,

understanding,

or currently even quiet moments

to love others, especially those with whom you know I am struggling painfully right now, on my own. I'm fresh out of grace. And my plate feels full with just my husband and children! I would really, really love to ignore this situation and just enjoy them and others who reciprocate and fill my love tank. But don't let me, Lord!

Please continue to revive my heart and draw me in to your presence through your Word and prayer. "You are the vine..." I am convinced that the answer to my questions lately of how to look at the face of pain (especially when it is literally a human face), and continue to march towards it when you ask me to, is to know You more and more. After all the analyzing, I believe this simple truth is the simple Truth. Forgive me, as I have put up a cold wall instead of trusting you.

Knowing you makes me able to look at I Corinthians 13 and not begin to sweat with anxiety and defeatedness. Knowing you gives me hope and strength to boldly love the angry one who continues to hurt others. Knowing you makes me free to love even when others might not be making the effort I would like. Knowing you makes me refuse to feel like a victim, but instead to become a servant without expectation. Knowing you makes me love irrationally! Knowing you makes me able to give tough love too, if that is what is best. Lately I have not loved as someone who knows you. I have fallen silent and defeated. When I fail to love, redirect me and help me to do it again and again.

Lord, you know what the future holds. Help me to trust you with what is yours and not try to steal it. "The earth is the Lord's and all that is in it..." Yours are the answers, outcomes, power, future, hearts, and all the other things I find myself wishing I could control or manipulate for a time. But these things do not belong to me and nothing I can say or do will change these things. And that is a good thing. But you can use me as an instrument of your grace, and I pray you will.

Unconditional love is so very hard to give. Help me to remember the cross and how unimaginable your grace is for me. Help me not to listen to the evil one when He tempts me to pridefully think "I would never", as if I should judge. Go before, beside, and behind me Lord, and hem me in with your love so that it overflows. Be glorified. And if you choose, in your wisdom, to keep things the same, show me how to be fully alive here, while longing and treasuring heaven more and more. Help me remember that there will be a day when everything will be all good. Thank you that I can taste and see how good you are now, too. Amen

I Corinthians 13:1-4

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong and a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Thoughts on prayer

Prayer, prayer, prayer! God might as well write it across a billboard in our front yard. I have heard people talk about it at every turn lately! I decided it might be time to listen and hear what He wants me to do.

No one can ever pray enough. Dwight Moody commented that (paraphrasing) besides the sheer glory of Christ, he believes he will be most surprised in heaven at how he made so little use of the power of prayer. (He habitually prayed for 2 hours every morning, and then throughout the day.) I could never achieve any level of "faithfulness" on this earth that would make me worthy of God's love and acceptance. This is certainly not about earning his good graces. That was all accomplished by Jesus on my behalf. But now as a believer, I have come to believe that prayer is essential for peace in this life. And somehow, mysteriously, God's providence includes answering our petitions. In my life, I can know about God just fine apart from prayer. But I can have no vital, living relationship without prayer. And I want to know and glorify Him more than anything else.

*Some verses regarding prayer:
I Thes. 5:16-18-James 5:16-Ephesians 6:18-Phil. 4:6-7

Our pastor preached on our unwillingness to pray, specifically for the lost. We are not only to pray for those handful that cross our own paths, but for those around the world. Jesus says to pray, "Thy kingdom come" first and foremost (before our daily bread, even!).

So the kids and I extended our breakfast time this morning around the table and came up with a new system. If God has been moving you to pray as well, maybe you will find something useful, too. We chose seven topics for prayer, one for each day. I took some time explaining to the children that we are to pray continually. We should talk to our Father through out the day about everything. These 7 topics are people/events that we want to make sure we do not forget. They are certainly not supposed to replace a habit of praying "without ceasing". We decided to spend a little time after breakfast each morning for "the seven". Ours were:

SUNDAY- Church leaders
~including our pastor, staff, elders, deacons, Sunday school teachers

MONDAY-Missionaries
~we have a little world map and will write their names across all six continents that they span(we know no one who lives in Antarctica!?!)

TUESDAY- "Things on the news"- World issues
~currently Haiti victims, oil spill, flood victims in Nashville, tornado victims in Oklahoma, No*th Korea, Ir*q/Afgha*istan wars (the list could go on and on)

WEDNESDAY- Government leaders
~excellent sight here with pictures of national government officials (we have to find pictures of our own state officials since we do not live in California)

THURSDAY- Unbelievers

~our own personal friends

~this site has an unreached people group a day to lift up in prayer

FRIDAY- Family

~extended family's needs/salvation

SATURDAY- Friends

~first, for the needs of our small groups whom we have given a commitment to being in pray for (Home Fellowship Group at church, Sunday school small groups, teenage discipleship groups, homeschool support group)

Because my thoughts are always drifting towards the salvation of my children, their needs, and my husband's as well, I do not have them on the list. We tend to find time plenty of time to pray for our needs! Here is a daily prayer list of spiritual blessings for my children that I keep on the frig and use frequently.One other thought...The importance of forgiveness before prayer was brought up to me this weekend. (Mark 11:25) Not only does forgiveness unlock God's work in our lives, but it destroys bitterness. And bitterness defiles all those around us. God inhabits the praises of His people, and the Enemy flees when we praise Him. What a way to start the day with the kids!

"How can one family affect anything? One person battling away to put selfish interests aside, to put other people before himself or herself, even for a fraction of the time, day by day, how could that help? ...One family and the children of that family can do marvelous things to affect the world or devastating things to destroy it." Edith Schaefer, What is a Family

"I have held many things in my hands and lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands that I still possess." ~Martin Luther