True ministry

I spent a good portion of Saturday alone in our house. This is a rare phenomenon. Andy offered to take the kids to the drive-in movie. They normally get upset, and often offer to back-out, if I am not coming along with the rest of the family on an outing. (This never ceases to amaze me- their undying desire to be with me, even though we home school! What a surprise!) But even with me staying behind, what kid could possibly offer to stay home when they could see a DRIVE-IN MOVIE!! There were all ready and waiting! (And if you have such an opportunity, Andy recommends taking a car with a sun roof. He said that watching the movie with heads popped out of the sunroof was a highlight.)

As they pulled out of the driveway I took to cleaning- the house, car, dog, carport. I wrapped every Christmas present. I addressed 100 Christmas cards. And while I did all this mundane, practically methodical work, I had good, quiet, thinking time. I have read these words lately, and felt comforted by them:

"...This is the true ministry of motherhood- to usher my children into the living presence of God, to nurture in them a heart for Jesus and the Great Commission he has called each of us to fulfill."

Sally Clarkson

Right now, as always, with three children of various ages, we are hitting milestones. The little one is reading, wanting to "look perfect", asking theological questions, and trying to discover how to follow Jesus. The middle one is struggling with his own little battles- why do kids find it more easy to be friends with his brother, why are his teeth coming in crooked, is he smart enough, is he good enough. And our oldest, even though a pre-teen, seems to be sailing the smoothest just now. He is always asking questions- especially theological ones- but he seems to be extremely content with himself and the world around him. (We should enjoy this stage, as I am sure it is short-lived.) They are all very happy, in general. But when I really stop and listen (or for the introvert, when I really stop and ASK), I hear and see their struggles. And I know as long as they wear flesh the struggles will be there and I pray they will share them with me!

I am trying to take each day-with all of its trials, profound joys, and ceaseless questions from the little ones- and do and find good and beauty and truth (mainly by redirecting them towards Jesus). We went to my niece's 9th birthday party on Sunday and I was struck by what a difference four years makes- the difference in her and Lydie's ages. Certainly still innocent, my niece is a tender-hearted, darling girl. But she has grown up so much in these few years. I am feeling the urgency to prepare myself in more practical ways. I am trying to mentally articulate my definition of femininity and what I want for my girl between now and age 18 when she is her own woman. It is challenging and exciting. I am praying for other Moms of little girls to come along side me and walk this road (even if it is a mental one right now) with me. I know God will provide those ladies.

I firmly believe reading and following Jesus' words in the Bible plus a commitment to giving lots of time and affection are the two best ways to raise girls OR boys. I catch myself praying for His words and reminding myself to hug, hold, pat, and cuddle. And these two small reminders bridge most of the gaps made by our sins around here. While I know that too much information can lead to robotic, anxiety-filled parenting, I am also open to some creative ideas and helpful reminders. SO, I decided to order some new books. I am going to read Six Ways to Keep the Little in Your Girl, Passport to Purity (for Andy to use with Jackson), and Family-Driven Faith (this has been on my book list for years...maybe half a decade!).

The Passport to Purity kit was recommended by a friend and looks very interesting. It is actually a cd/workbook set for a weekend getaway to be used with pre-teens. The author recommends using it specifically during the summer between 5th and 6th grade. Andy is not a workbook kind of guy. But at least he can use it as a tool with Jack. We plan to take each of our kids on a trip-location determined by their interests- for a weekend for the round two "birds and the bees" talk with the parent of the same gender. I think a fun weekend will be in order for both boy AND Dad after that talk! Even though this time in a child's life is a little dreaded (or dreadFUL!), I am hopeful that it can be really good. My friend who is one year ahead in parenting reminded me that if you like your child, enjoy who he is becoming, this pre-teen stage is really exciting. What an encouragement, and I believe she is right.

I also ordered one more book from my favorite author of parenting books- Sally Clarkson. I love The Ministry of Motherhood, The Mission of Motherhood, and Educating the Whole-Hearted Child. I highly recommend each one of them and have been deeply shaped by each one! So I ordered her devotion book for Moms called Seasons of a Mother's Heart. (Am I subconsciously trying to pacify myself with books because I am dreading the winter months!?!)

I hope and pray that the few friends who read my little words here, along with anyone else who has stumbled by, will be truly blessed by this beautiful Christmas season. I pray you (and I) will find quiet, peaceful moments of worship and wonder as we celebrate the birth of the Savior of the world! May we enjoy the overflowing days and count each one a blessing! May we remember to redirect our longings (and those of our children) towards Christ!

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed."

I Peter 1:13

More on femininity: Embracing it all

I am so glad that I have had the opportunity to think through exactly what I believe about true femininity. Having children challenges me in so many ways, particularly intellectually as I am called to know and lead. It is such a pleasure to pray, read, think, and talk with others until I can verbalize my beliefs. Andy and I agree that we can not be very effective parents if we do not have a firm grasp on what we feel God has given us as a road map.

I found a resource with which I completely concur. It is John Piper's What's the Difference?. I think each of his 15 challenges for women are completely biblical. The application of these challenges will look differently in the life of the individual woman, as we seek to live out God's calling on our life. But, I do believe there are some black and white, universal commands for women, as well. Again, I am always praying for the grace to neither err on the side of liberalism or legalism.

Please take the time to read them!! I think they are the most beautiful, complete descriptions of femininity that I have found, and a wonderful guide for me as I lead my Lydia Joy into womanhood! I absolutely adore this excerpt. I might print it and hang it inside a kitchen cabinet or closet.
Here's what John Piper says directly to women:

:::

"My earnest challenge and prayer for you is...
1. That your life-in whatever calling-be devoted to the glory of God.

2. That the promises of Christ be trusted so fully that peace and joy and strength fill your soul to overflowing.

3. That this fullness of God overflow in daily acts of love so that people might see your good deeds and give glory to your Father in heaven.

4. That you may be women of the Book, who love and study and obey the Bible in every area of teaching...

5. That you may be women of prayer, so that the Word of God will be opened to you, and the power of faith and holiness will descend upon you; that your spiritual influence may increase at home and at church and in the world.

6. That you be women who have a deep grasp of the sovereign grace of God which under girds all these spiritual processes; and that you be deep thinkers about the doctrine of grace, and even deeper lovers of these things.

7. That you be totally committed to ministry, whatever your specific calling; that you not fritter away your time on soaps or women's magazines or unimportant hobbies or shopping; that you redeem the time on Christ and His kingdom.

8. That, if you are single, you devote your singleness to the full in devotion to God and not be paralyzed by the desire to be married.

9. That, if you are married, you creatively and intelligently and sincerely support the leadership of your husband as deeply as obedience to Christ will allow; that you encourage him as obedience to Christ will allow, that you encourage him as his God-appointed role as head; that you influence him spiritually primarily through your fearless tranquility, holiness, and prayer.

10. That if you have children you accept responsibility with your husband (or alone if necessary) to raise your children up in the discipline of the Lord- children who hope in the triumph of God- sharing with your husband the teaching and discipline they need, and giving them the special attachment they crave from you, as well as that special nurturing touch and care that you alone are fitted to give.

11. That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than the countless opportunities of service and witness in the home, the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world. That you not only pose the question of , "Career of full-time homemaker?", but you ask just as seriously, "Full-time career or freedom for ministry?". That you ask, "Which would be better for the kingdom to work for someone who tells you what to do to make his or her business prosper or to be God's free agent dreaming your own dream about how your time and your home and your creativity could make God's business prosper?" And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or upward lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the faith of the family and advance the cause of Christ.

12. That you step back (with your husband, if you are married) and plan the various forms of your life's ministry in chapters...No chapter has all the joys. Finite life is a series of trade offs. Finding God's will and living for the glory of Christ to the full in every chapter is what makes it a success, not whether it has in it what another chapter will bring.

13. That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life in short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day. That the love of money is spiritual suicide. That the goal of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might and maximizing your joy in ministry to people's needs.

14. That in all your relationships with men (not just your husband) you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit...that you seek a style and demeanor that does justice to the unique role God has given to man to feel responsible for gracious leadership in relation to women- a leadership which involves elements of protection and provision and a pattern of initiative; that you think (creatively and with cultural sensitivity just as he must do) in shaping the style and setting the tone of your interaction with men.

15. That you see the biblical guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women not as arbitrary constraints on freedom, but as wise and gracious prescriptions for how to discover the true freedom of God's ideal of complementarity; that you not measure your potential by the few roles withheld, but by the countless roles offered; that you look to a loving God of scripture and dream about the possibilities of your service to Him.

::: Me with one of my best friends in the world, my sweet Lydie

Femininity: Give me your opinion!

"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

~Howard Thurman

I read the following quote a year or so ago, along with The Purpose-Driven Life and other similar books, and they made me feel uncomfortable. I have been wrestling ever since with the idea of pursuing verses submitting, striving verses resting, all in regards to how I glorify God uniquely as a woman. My best friend, whom I deeply respect, was recently very disturbed by a hymn that we sang which included asking the Lord to "rid me of myself". It's all very perplexing to a girl that spent her first seventeen years of life in a vacuum of vanity and selfishness. I am well aware of the ugliness that we can find on a path to "self-realization". On the other hand, I have also found myself in the most recent seventeen years of walking with Christ at the other end of the spectrum- an unnecessary "martyr", or even worse- a Pharisee, creating false rules and pretenses. I am determined to enjoy the freedom I have been given in Christ, but also desire more than anything to walk in obedience. I am particularly aware of my questions because I have a three year old daughter that observes, imitates, and adores every move that I make.

So here are my questions (all of which I thought I definitely had the answers to at the age of 20 when I married my husband):

~What if my gifts and talents call me to spend a substantial amount of time away from my home. Are those gifts/talents to be used later in life after the children are older? I see all of these quotes from women about doing this or that later because the time is fleeting with our children. And time is fleeting! On the other hand, if God calls me to do "this or that", then I should be doing it!

~What does true femininity look like? Does it change with time? (I loved Elisabeth Eliot's essays on this topic as a college student. But now I'm not so sure if some of her ideas are not legalistic. )

~On the topic of "dying to self"...has that been overused in the evangelical church (particularly with reformed theology)? Are we missing the deep joy of being who we are uniquely called to be because tend to always think our desires must be sacrificed? Or is this just a tendency that I have?

~Are we just a generation of spoiled brats who think we are entitled to things (time, hobbies, pleasures, etc.) we are not? (These types of questions would certainly seem trivial and ridiculous to most people around the world. Although these gifts are great blessings (time, talent, resources) and should be used for God's glory, which requires discerning what that should look like.)

Again, I am really not asking these questions for myself. I really enjoy all things domestic and "girly". My husband and I decided before we even got married that I would stay at home and manage our home and be with our children. I could spend all of my days decorating, educating my children, sewing, drawing, singing, listening to music, creating a welcoming home, having people over, etc. Being a home school teacher and wife comes very easily and happily for me. But for some women, it is like a prison. I have seen it with friends very closely. I really have NO desire to express any opinion on this topic to them. But I must express the truth that I have found in God's word to my daughter on how I feel God wants our lives as women to look, or be characterized by. I know, for Lydie, God put her in this family because He is going to use my faults and strengths in her life to allow her to become who He has called her to be. I had a Lydie (my Nana, Lydie Mae) that He used to teach me all of the things I listed above. Her hands and mine were intertwined, dirty fingernail to dirty fingernail, in more sewing projects, gardening adventures, and baking time than anyone before or since. And Lydia Joy seems to enjoy all of the things that I do. I just feel such a deep sense of responsibility with her tender, vivacious soul. I DO NOT want to add or take away from God's words. I want to teach her both the exhilarating freedom and the comforting boundaries that God has given her as a daughter.

I embarrassed to be questioning such simple things. Even Proverbs 31 seems a little more complicated to me lately than it used to. But what do you think? More on what I think soon...