Hand holding

We are opening a new chapter with our oldest son. It's one in which I'm obviously not prepared. The last week I have heard the same statement several times in various situations, "Mom, I just want you to let me be a man. I'm trying to be a man!" Already, at 8 1/2?

Yesterday I had my best friend and her children over after lunch. While the children played, we grabbed two warm blankets and a comfy spot to talk. I recounted for her our latest boy vs. young man dilemma. We were at the grocery store and Lydie had to use the restroom. Jaybird asked permission to stand by the water fountain instead of coming with us into the ladies' restroom. We have had the rule until now that "if I can not see or hear you, then you are not safe" when we are in public places. It has served us well. I reminded J of the rule and he pleaded, "I know that was the rule. But I want to be a man, now." Bless his sweet heart. At that moment (Lydie was ready to get to the potty), I did not feel okay with changing our rule. So I asked him to come with us and we would talk later. He looked so humiliated, but he chose not to argue.

It has been a few days since our trip to the store, and I was still unsure of what to do. Andy has worked long hours, traveling four days this week. We have not had any opportunity for extended conversation. I needed an answer for my patient son. My friend, Liz, came to my rescue. I have been friends with ladies before that refused to share their problems or shortcomings, much less ask for advice. They had a white-knuckled grasp on their image and pride. Actually, we are all like that at times, I guess. In my experience, vulnerability is such a small price to pay for the great blessing of bearing one another's burdens and sharing one another's joys. I am always more prepared and excited about my calling as a wife and mom after I have been with Liz.

This is what Liz told me. She pointed out how mature and admirable J's request had been. He didn't try to sneak or demand new freedom, he requested it. And he submitted when it was denied. She reminded me that the way he handled himself was probably indicative that he is ready for more responsibility. And this is the part I really appreciated, she made a practical suggestion. I have a vision for where I want my children to go and be, but I sometimes have trouble figuring out the small, practical details of how to get from here to there. And Liz has trouble seeing beyond the moment, which I can balance because my head is always in the clouds! Any way, her suggestion was that we keep our set of walkie talkies in the car. When we are shopping, I can throw them in my purse. By having the walkie talkie we can follow the rule of "being where I can see or hear him" (in this case, by hearing him), but he can also have a little extra freedom by standing alone. Problem solved. I would have never thought of walkie talkies!

When I shared my solution with J yesterday, the look on his face was priceless. It was such a good moment to be able to tell him that I could allow him to be alone in the store because he has earned it. I pointed out to him the areas that he has shown maturity and initiative, by God's grace. And he beamed. He lovingly reminded me, "Don't worry, Mom. I am still going to live next door to you when I grow up." I love that kid.

What a strange, exciting thing to watch my little 8 year old take these small steps towards manhood. While he is gradually letting go of my hand, I am squeezing my grip more and more tightly on the Lord and those who support me.

For the memory book

Dear Lydie,

Yesterday we had a couple of hours alone while your brothers went to a friend's. We were looking in a fishtank when a little toddling girl came up beside us. Without hesitation you patted her head and told her, "You look really pretty today, baby!" It sounded like this, "You wook weally pwetty duday, baby!!" I think you might have the gift of encouragement. The things you say and do give me so much joy! You are spunky and sweet-a fun combination. I really enjoyed our day together today. I hope we always take time for just us girls.

Love,

Mommy

Pictured above: Lydie at 28 months

Revisiting "Regarding Options"

Today, I was in need of new perspective, again. So I revisited this post for some encouragement.

For today, what will I make my focus?

~the rainstorm that came the very instant we stepped out of the car at the grocery store OR the giggly puddle-stompers
~my friend's cancellation for our night out tomorrow OR God's promise that He is indeed working all things for the good of those who love him
~the printer running out of ink as I was preparing to copy our history time-line figures OR the extra time to study science and here this one-of-a-kind quote, "Oh boy, Mom! We're studying testicles! It's testicle day!!! Mom, what's a testicle?"
~my daughter's antiobotic-induced diarrhea ALL OVER THE DINING ROOM FLOOR (and the subsequent cloroxing of floor, tub and clothes that followed) OR the pure joy and delight she found in a mid-afternoon bath
~the napped that she missed from the stomach ache OR the excuse it gave me to order a pizza for dinner (no cooking or cleaning tonight!)
~the enormous mess in the kitchen OR a wonderland full of learning toys that inspired Egyptian adventures and stories galore
~my husband's call that he will be late tonight OR his safe trip back from a day out of town

And ending as I did last time...

~Pouting or praying

~Looking for a way out or Looking for Joy right where I am

~Myself or my Savior

A sweeter treat

When Jaybird was a toddler, he was prescribed occupational therapy once a week. We would travel anywhere from 15-45 minutes to a therapist and then home with daily exercises. This routine went on until he was five. At that time, I became his "therapist" because the medical bills were insurmountable. He never officially "graduated" from therapy, we just simply had to stop going. Since then, we have enrolled both Jaybird and Toot in many therapeutic forms of exercise disguised as fun classes. We have tried gym, sports skills class, swimming, baseball and basketball.

This season Jaybird has continued swimming lessons that began in October (he hopes to be on a swim team in the spring) and has played basketball. I am indescribably proud of him. Playing team sports for him is like asking a child with dyslexia to read in front of the class, or worse, an auditorium full of people. Jaybird has sensory integration disorder and motor apraxia. Motor apraxia is a diagnosis often given to stroke victims. These people have difficulty getting messages from the brain to their bodies, especially with alternating sides of the body. As you can imagine, Jaybird would often rather avoid sports altogether.


Tonight is J's last night of basketball practice, preparing for his last game on Saturday. As usual, Upward sports has not disappointed him or us. We have been overwhelmed with gratitude towards one coach in particular. He has formed a very sweet bond with our little guy. J is mostly the slowest one, almost always at the end of the pack. Most of the games he has not even had the ball long enough to make a shot. But he tries very hard, and more importantly, he listens. This man basically took my son under his wing, without ever knowing about his motor apraxia. He sometimes ignores the rest of the boys to take the time to gently correct him and demand him to push himself harder and harder. They always seem to be together. And what I appreciate most is that this coach has never given up on Jaybird. At last Saturday's game, he caught J after the game and showed him a new move. He was alternating bouncing the ball under each knee with each hand. A globe-trotter-ish move, if you will. J watched closely, but had no clue where to begin. So Coach said, "Go home and get your Dad to help you. If you can do it at practice, I'll give you a candy bar. If not, you have to watch me eat the candy bar." Andy and J practiced for an hour with no luck. Andy said this skill was just too difficult for him right now. But they would continue to practice and get it eventually.


So tonight at practice J will watch Coach eat the candy bar. Oh well, he deserves it as much as Jaybird, if not more. The encouragment, hope and love he has given to J (and indirectly to us) is much, much sweeter!


**Updated: He did earn the candy bar! This kid never ceases to surprise me. Coach took J's face into his hands and told him how proud he was. Unforgettable!

A real trip to Egypt, almost

Yesterday we had a once in a lifetime experience. We saw the King Tut exhibit. What a brilliant civilization!We were not allowed to take pictures of the artifacts. But we snapped a few pictures in the lobby.

And then we had lunch at a very cool Mellow Mushroom.

And we were back to the museum for the 3-D movie on pyramids and mummification.

I am grateful for an amazing opportunity! I was inspired by the Egyptians obsession with the afterlife. If only we would set our sights more often on heaven with the One True God! And we don't even have to earn his love during this life. I was thinking a lot about the freedom we have in Christ, as opposed to the slavery of life lived under the pressure of earning a right standing with "the gods". I am very thankful today.

My Wishlist

The children are all cuddled around Nana this morning in the other room. I woke up early and find myself 15 minutes ahead of schedule. So, here I am.

I have some pretty exciting items to purchase for the second half of our school year. Here are the first five things on my wish list!

A Child's Geography: the selection that makes me most excited! (We finished our first geography book. The kids can name and locate the continents and oceans. They also know basic map skills. Time to dig a little deeper!)

Hymn's for a Kid's Heart- beautiful stories to go along with our favorites. We already learn a hymn each month. Why not supplement with this beautiful book?
Ancient Egyptian Art-for more in-depth information on our favorite ancient civilization.

Raising a Modern Day Knight- for Andy to read. The cover and title are a little cheesy to me. But some ladies that I admire gave the book rave reviews.

A new English book for the kindergartner that begs for a challenge.

Mostly all supplemental choices. Except for Toot's Grammar, we are staying the course. It has been so much fun! There, I got all that down with 3 minutes to spare!

Pee-pee & poo-foo

**Updated: I KNEW someone would comment about the chocolate chips by the potty. We keep them covered at all times with saran wrap. I took the saran wrap off for the picture, for full potty artillery effect. I am not a germaphobe, per say, but even I wouldn't leave them unwrapped in the bathroom! :) I actually moved the chocolate chips to the kitchen today because we have made great strides. But in the beginning, the visual reward near the potty is a big help!

We've been a little preoccupied with making baby steps to a diaper free home! Or should I say a puddle-free home?The bathroom has been transformed. Isn't the new decor lovely?

Nearing the horizon

From my quiet time today. Beautiful, encouraging words from Look Unto Me...

"If he's an active Christian, he will have much work to do here on earth, not too much for his will, but more than enough for his strength. So he will cry out, "I'm not weary of the work- I'm weary in it." O Christian, the long hot days of weariness will not last forever. The sun is nearing the horizon and will rise again on a brighter day than you have ever seen and upon a land where you will serve God day and night- yet with true rest from your labor. Rest on earth is incomplete, but there it is perfect. Here a Christian always feels unsettled as though he has not yet attained. But there, all are at rest, have attained the summit of the mountain, and have ascended to the sweet embrace of their God. They can go no higher."

Charles Spurgeon

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Galatians 6:9

Rested, rejuvinated and excited for the new week!

Good things

In response to my winter blues, I asked the boys to come up with 20 good things about winter. I always like to having something to look forward to!
1. The anticipation of snow- hoping to make our first snowman together this year

2. Hot cocoa or as we call it "warm chocolate"

3. More visits with family, we hope

4. Playing on the ice in the yard (not sure how this is fun)

5. Making a campfire in the backyard

6. Roasting marshmellows
7. Indoor field trips- museums, especially

8. Fun school projects

9. Hard puzzles and lots of board games

10. The boys' basketball games

11. A good book and a warm blanket

12. Warm desserts like chocolate chip cookies

13. Making paper snowflakes

14. Valentine's day and party

15. Daddy's birthday

16. More time for cartoons, movies and video games

17. Fires in the fireplace

18. Making silly, home-made movies with the camcorder

19. Swimming in the indoor pool for swim lessons

20. Taking the kids ice skating for the first time

Okay, I feel a little better. Deeper thoughts next time!

Winter blues

My best friend loves January. She loves to bask in the hope of a new year. She has started an annual party on New Year's Eve, a perfect celebration for her. She gets so excited about her starting over month.
I, on the other hand, hate this time of year. I always seem unhappy and even a little sad, for no apparent reason. Maybe it is the weather and less outdoor outings or because my kids always seem to get sick around this time. It could be post-Christmas blues (even though I mentally welcome normalcy after the holidays). And this year, I am sure my husband's new job in an office (as opposed to downstairs) has a lot to do with it. I wish I knew exactly the reason.
One disadvantage of struggling through January is the fact that schools are beginning to enroll for next year. One hard week of homeschooling can make me question our decision as a whole. Today we had to take a day off in order for me to catch up around the house. I had to force myself to see this flexibility as an advantage and not a failure. This morning I listened to my friend tell me about "Colonial Day" at my son's old school. It stung a little, as I have been praying for more friends for my children. (I am realizing that unless your children's playmates are your neighbors or homeschoolers, it is very difficult to maintain friendships around differing school schedules. That has been a painful realization!)
While I am sharing my struggles, I will also admit that I feel a need for more time alone with my baby. I experienced weekly gym class, playgroups, and library time with the boys individually when they were toddlers. I miss that with Lydie. It is rare for me to go anywhere alone with her, and now much less probable without Andy around during the day.
Lastly, I am starved for more time to use my own gifts/talents. Some months there is not a minute for any of that. I don't feel I can be the best at anything else without these outlets. But with three little ones, I frequently have to let it go.
I hesitate to share all of these negatives thoughts. I certainly do not want to discourage anyone that might be considering home schooling their own little ones. But I think if you are called to this task, this little post would certainly not convince you otherwise. Only, maybe make you aware of what to expect, or even how to avoid these pitfalls altogether. If you have read any of my posts in the past, it should be pretty obvious that I mostly treasure this time with my children. And besides, many of my good friends have their children in public or private school and are much, much more overwhelmed than I am.
That's all for now. I am not going to offer any advice to myself like I usually do. Hanging on and searching for His guidance...again. Is it spring yet???

"Take to heart all the words that I am giving you today...This is no trifling matter for you, but rather your very life..."

Deuteronomy 32:46-47

Ups and downs

Yesterday was a combination of this (pitiful, very sick baby)

and this (encouragement-flowers from my precious Mother-in-law).

Blessing and trial.

God was so good to encourage me to continue to look to Him and find Joy. He is so faithful!

Psalm 121:1-2

I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

XXOO

During Sunday School the children were given a challenge to show a servant heart to Mom and Dad. They were to choose their good deed themselves. I realized that my middle child, my precious Toot, is the only one in this family that speaks my language...love language, that is. He and I prefer love from "physical touch". (The Five Love Languages)

To my delight, Toot's servant heart deed said, "I will kiss Mommy three times and hug Daddy three times." Life wouldn't be the same with out the endless amount of hugs and kisses from this little heart throb!

(This picture is from last summer. Isn't he completely kissable?)

Hello, clorox wipes!

And I thought she wouldn't like finger painting...

I have vowed not to be a Mommy that bans paint and other messy projects, no matter how tempting. Having said that, I admit to turning my head and biting my lip when she made this little creation. She just couldn't be quite satisfied until the last drop of paint was used! I can still hear her now, "Wook, Mommy! Isn't it pwetty?" Her sweet words and excitement made it worth every last Clorox wipe.

More or less

Today I have had to tell myself dozens of times, "It is NOT about you. It is NOT about you. It is NOT..." But I still don't get it down deep. Self-pity, bad attitude, guilt are cycling in my mind over and over again.

If I take my eyes off of the gospel for one thought, I am doomed. It feels like it should be about me. But it shouldn't. And there is no joy in self-worship.

The beauty of the gospel radiates the fact that it's not about me, doesn't have to be, doesn't help to be. It's all about Him-His life, His work, His righteousness (lack of selfishness, self pity, bad attitude), His glory, His resurrection. The joy comes in resting in Him. Not in comfort, wealth, security, or even worldly happiness. I am slowly submitting myself to the reality (not just head knowledge), that holiness is more to be desired than "happiness". One p-a-i-n-f-u-l lesson at a time.

More of You, Jesus, less of me.

"He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption, in order that, as it is written, "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord."

I Corinthians 1:30

Pictured above: I am basking in the blessing today of my loved ones that hold my hand through life. Pictured above, the youngest one, enjoying a day at the park, in spite of her Mommy's attitude.

Overwhelmed by a relentless God

The above title is the subtitle to the book I just finished, Crazy Love. I have enjoyed reading this short, poignant book more than I would have imagined. Here are a few excerpts from the chapter titled, "Profile of the Lukewarm", which I loved. They were challenging, but boldly truthful- a welcomed gut-check.

"The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That's for the "radicals" who are "unbalanced" and who go "overboard". Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering."

"Lukewarm people give money to charity and to the church as long as it doesn't impinge on their standard of living. If they have a little extra and it is easy and safe to give, they do so. After all, God loves a cheerful giver, right?"

"Lukewarm people love others but do not seek to love others as much as they love themselves. Their love for others is typically focused on those who love them in return, like family, friends and other people they know and connect with. There is little love left over for those who cannot love them back, much less for those who intentionally slight them, whose kids are better athletes than theirs, or with whom conversations are awkward or uncomfortable. Their love is highly conditional and very selective, and generally comes with strings attached."

"Lukewarm people think about life on earth much more often than eternity in heaven. Daily life is mostly focused on today's to-do list, this week's schedule, and next month's vacation. Rarely, if ever, do they intently consider the life to come."

"Lukewarm people do whatever is necessary to keep themselves from feeling too guilty. They want to do the bare minimum, to be "good enough", without it requiring too much of them."

"Lukewarm people are continually concerned with playing it safe; they are slaves to the god of control. This focus on safe living keeps them from sacrificing and risking for God."

"We are all messed-up human beings, and no one is totally immune to the behaviors described in the previous examples. However, there is a difference between a life that is characterized by these sorts of mentalities and habits and a life that is in the process of being radically transformed. "

~Crazy Love (Francis Chan)

The discipline of reading

Each year I enjoy books more than the year before. But I am not a bookworm, by any stretch of the imagination. My oldest child is a bookworm. He fascinates me. No matter how many toys we have, none of them hold a candle to the entertainment he finds in a book. He is a people-person, too. Funny combination, huh? He will lay down a book for a conversation, a fun outing with family or friends, or to play outside. Otherwise, his nose is always between two pages. One time he asked me if Stuart Little was an interesting read. We had just watched the movie. I had my childhood copy of Stuart Little, so I handed it to him and told him to find out for himself and let me know. The next day by 10:00 am he had his answer! He had read it cover to cover, and yes, it was better than the movie. Sometimes we let him pick out a book at the bookstore and he reads it before we get home.




I, on the other hand, have to force myself to pick up a book. I do not have a burning curiosity for books like my son. I would much rather be decorating a corner of a room, writing, or planning. But I am determined to continue to read daily for pleasure. I like what reading does for me. For one, I like to continually have my worldview broadened as I learn about different people, cultures and beliefs. I appreciate the beauty of a paragraph well written. I need to continue the habit of quieting myself for a half hour (or more for a really good book). I like to escape into another world from time to time. And I like to be able to use the term "life-long learner" without being a hypocrite.


I had the CRAZY goal of reading 4 books a month last year- one fiction, one non-fiction, one theological, one parenting/homeschooling. I did not come close to meeting my goal. So this year, my goal is to read every day. This reading goal does not include reading from the Bible or my devotional book. If you know me, you know I always carry a book in the car. I like to take advantage of red light/traffic time. Obviously, this slow and steady concept will be difficult for me!





Here are my first four books on my "waiting" list:
~Mere Christianity (again)
~Relationships: A Mess Worth Making
~Grace-Based Parenting
~Gulliver’s Travels


Here are the books I read in 2008(with a * for the ones I really loved):
~The Purpose-Driven Life
~Searching for Eternity
~The Swan House
~Captivating
~Don Quixote (wretched)
~A Life That Says Welcome (*)
~Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God (*)
~Bold Love (*)
~The Dwelling Place
~Wife in the North
~The Highly Sensitive Child
~Pilgrim’s Progress
~Crazy Love (*)

A Book

by Edgar Guest

“Now” - said a good book unto me -

“Open my pages and you shall see

Jewels of wisdom and treasures fine,

Gold and silver in every line,

And you may claim them if you but will

Open my pages and take your fill.

“Open my pages and run them o’er,

Take what you choose of my golden store.

Be you greedy, I shall not care -

All that you seize I shall gladly spare;

There is never a lock on my treasure doors,

Come - here are my jewels, make them yours!

“I am just a book on your mantel shelf,

But I can be part of your living self;

If only you’ll travel my pages through,

Then I will travel the world with you.

As two wines blended make better wine,

Blend your mind with these truths of mine

.“I’ll make you fitter to talk with men,

I’ll touch with silver the lines you pen,

I’ll lead you nearer the truth you seek,

I’ll strengthen you when your faith grows weak -

This place on your shelf is a prison cell,

Let me come into your mind to dwell!”

Spunky girl formula

Rainbow Brite

+ Punky Brewster

= my daughter

(She wears her hot pink tennis shoes with this outfit.)

A little sick

I have baby fever. It's a really severe case. And apparently, it's not contagious.

What's a girl to do? Heart sick. The thing is, I know I have been guilty of counting the months until the baby can walk, talk, fill in the blank with the current "inconvenience". On the other hand, I try very hard to be in the moment with my children. But I don't succeed all the time. Mothering a baby or toddler is trying and challenging when balancing the rest of the children and house (with little sleep).

But, truly, what better thing do I have to do with my time? Sometimes I dream of what I will accomplish when I am a little more independent (or they are a little less dependent), but what is more thrilling, fulfilling, and eternally valuable than mothering a child?

"Just one more...one more?", I ask. Until the fever spreads (if it does at all), I'll hold my three sweethearts a little tighter. They are such treasures!

"I shall now have one mouth the more to fill, and two feet the more to shoe; more disturbed nights, more laborious days, and less leisure for visiting, reading, music and drawing. This is one side of the story to be sure, but I look at the other. Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God, and the body in which it dwells is worthy of all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all, to whom, while I minister in Christ's name, I make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation, my other darlings had left me. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother's heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, to her life-long prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, how wondrously blessed!" ~Elizabeth Prentiss

My quirky, slightly pathetic, delightful day

Last Sunday evening, as Andy and I were picking up the house after our week of company, he surprised me. Completely out of the blue, he whispered, "You get the whole day tomorrow to be away from home. Leave at 9:00, return around 4:00." After kisses and thank yous, I did what any organized-dreamer-normally homebound-mom would do with the prospect of an entire day alone- I made a list.

Would you believe I was at Starbuck's for 4 hours completing the tasks on my list? I actually loved it. Especially the time I spent reading. For one morning, I was the lady with the coffee and the book. I was the one reading in an overstuffed chair on a Monday morning, as if I hadn't a responsibility in the world! I also enjoyed carrying a briefcase (my husband's) and working on his laptop. Between the dressy clothes (I always dress up when I am away from the kids) and the laptop, I was the professional-with-no-agenda-lady. I had time to dream into 2009, plan two months of lessons, and blog, among other things. If the other professional women knew that these were the items on my agenda, I think my false identity would have caused a revolt.

Afterward, I spent an hour at the Jiffy Lube having the 12,000-mile-old oil from my husband's Jeep changed. I think they must have needed a chisel to get the corroded engine clean. But I didn't mind, it gave me an excuse to leisurely read, uninterrupted. I also caught a few minutes of tv. But that was not a plus...day time tv makes me depressed. On this particular day, the topic was breast implants. If you are like me and never turn on the tv before 8pm, trust me, we are much better off.

Moving along, with barely 2 hours to spare I had to make the choice between a quaint lunch at a cafe OR shopping with my birthday money. I chose the latter and buzzed through a drive-thru. Here are my mementos from my day away:

Finials and birds seemed to be the theme for the day

My first cloche. I feel like I should join some club. This beautiful, new store's owner combines her love of home and garden to create unique, beautiful pieces. Under the glass is moss and a faux bird's nest on an antique white plate. It was love at first sight, for me.

I wanted these little trees so badly this year for the front porch! They have lights and stand in black urns! But I could not afford the original $79.99. Alas, they were marked down to $19.99! Can't wait to use them next year!I also hit the used book store and thrift store, but came out empty-handed.

And that's what I did with 7 hours alone.

My word for 2009

I have decided on my word for the year. The word is Satisfaction. On the 12th, my husband returns to the corporate world. After 2 1/2 years of working from home with loads of family time, we will be making big adjustments. As I have been praying about the concerns I have, I am praying mainly for satisfaction.

It takes a lot of selflessness to be satisfied. Sometimes needs collide and someone has to sacrifice. Sometimes all our hopes, dreams and plans are not the way. Sometimes we feel like we can not go on in our current circumstances. And sometimes things do not change.

When and in whom will I be satisfied? Do I have to have my way? Is my love for the people around me conditional on the fulfillment of my own needs and expectations? I want to remember when I build up false idols that my satisfaction comes from Christ alone. My salvation is the only thing needed to produce Joy. Therefore, I have ALL I need, in abundance.

For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, And the hungry soul He has filled with what is good. Psalm 107:9