God has graciously been revealing to me a character issue that needs changing. For as long as I can remember, I have been a perfectionist. This word is used so frequently that I'm not even sure if I am using it appropriately. But in this case, I am referring to my need to do things at my own high standards or not at all. Here are some examples of how this problem has negatively affected my daily life: ~Only fifteen minutes for a quiet time? I can only have a "good" quiet time with at least a half hour. Result: No quiet time at all! ~I would like to use my interests and talents to generate a little extra income. But with only an hour at night to invest, what's the point? Who would want anything that I don't have more time to invest in? Result: No finished products or extra income!This wanting all or nothing seems to be a pattern in my life. I was talking to my husband about all of this and we laughed as we realized I have never played a sport due to my perfectionism. For as long as I can remember, I have danced. The funny thing about performing is that you practice dozens and dozens of hours before you perform in front of an audience. In a sense, you "perfect" your art before you expose yourself.
My husband wisely asked me, "So what do you think God is trying to teach you right now?" I know that He is NOT chastising me for my eye for details or for my desire to do things well. Both are glorifying to Him if I seek to honor Him (and not myself) in my tasks. I found a Teddy Roosevelt quote that hit me square in the eyes. It said, "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." I have been paralyzed with perfection. I can think of so many wonderful opportunities that the Lord has offered me that I have not taken. Just recently I have felt an urging to start a performing arts team at our church. But I have not moved forward because of doubting that my skills will be adequate. I was asked to emcee the women's retreat at our church, but I don't think my speaking voice is the best and could I be warm, funny, encouraging ENOUGH?
All I know to do is run to the One who promises to love me like I am. The only One who is perfect. The only One who lived in this world full of money, lust, pride and deceitfulness and was perfectly unwavering and holy. I need to put one foot in front of the other and MOVE. Otherwise, I will be completely unfruitful in many areas, including my deepest desire to glorify Jesus. I am reminded that I serve a God that is BIG and GENEROUS and ABOUNDING in LOVE, and as I offer up what might seem so little and feeble, if I do so with a heart of worship, he will turn the little into much for His glory. If nothing else, in the doing...He will change me. And maybe in doing so, He will take my eyes away from the goal of a perfect ME and set them on the Perfect ONE that never leaves me wanting.
"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands." Psalm 138:8
6 comments:
I can relate to this in many ways. Thanks for sharing this.
I can totally relate to the quite time thing......I feel the same way many times, If I can't have a "good one" I might as well "Not have one"........I don't think that's what the Lord requires from me either. He knows as mom's we're going to have good days and bad ones, we just have to make the most of the time we do have!!
Praying for you today!!
I can relate to this, too... it reminds me of a quote, "if a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing poorly." I think that was... G.K. Chesterton? I can't remember. I find myself saying that to myself when I'm giving the house a lick and a promise!
I laugh at myself, though, because I'm not consistently a perfectionist. So, some things aren't done well, ever... or I get frustrated and just make it work! (I think about some of my early sewing projects...) I'm a short-term project person. That way, it can be as perfect as I want, no sweat! :) Long-term projects, or anything that requires commitment, are my nemesis. I'm with ya here... just put one foot in front of the other and away we go! :)
I appreciate your honesty - thanks for sharing! It's encouraging.
Ahem... Amen!! Sounds like me too! I feel like I have SOOOO much in me that I want to do (including praying/having quiet time more regularly) but do nothing more than I do something. The perfectionist bug can be debilitating at times. I am with you, trying to take my eyes off of self and get into the do mode!
By the way, a local church here offers a performing arts school of sorts (probably in the beginning stages) and my kids are taking tumbling there. I pray God will guide your steps and you will know the way to go!
Blessings!
(Oh, I didn't realize you were Auburn fans! Good to know! Glad you were in Disney when that game was on.) :) Thanks for telling me!
Oh, Jennifer - I just read your comment. I cannot remember where I heard this but a perfectionist usually has an area they are sloppy. They (we) cannot maintain perfectionist tendencies in EVERY area so we usually have a secret mess somewhere! haha Your comment made me think of that!
Blessings!
This is dead on the money!
"take my eyes away from the goal of a perfect ME and set them on the Perfect ONE that never leaves me wanting."
Oh, I need to write that on my wall!
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