Today was root canal day. I woke up nervous and on-edge. Remembering this trip to the dentist, I was determined NOT TO CRY. For some reason, it was difficult not to. But one hour, two shots, and lots of yuck later it was over. By 10:00 my tooth was fixed. And I had not shed a tear. I went to the car, called my husband, and sat and...cried. All of the stress from the last week, month, year decided to come trickling down my cheeks right there in the parking lot.
I realized something pretty important about myself in my car today. Sometimes with the hopes of taking the high road, I forget to lament. Sometimes in my determination to look past sin and the results of human sin (sickness, death, disappointment, disobedience, etc.) and look to the cross, I forget to FEEL sorrow and pain. Lament actually means, "the expression of sorrow or grief". I guess I have no idea how to grieve. I try to sweep right past it. But eventually, it always finds me. And that's exactly what happened in the parking lot of the dentist today.
Apparently, the result of sin on this earth is simply too painful to pass by. My little abscessed tooth was just a small picture of the darkness and ugliness that is all around me each day. I am certainly not asked to dwell on these things, but just the opposite. (Phillipians 4:8) But I think David was on to something when his sin, or the result of someone else's, hit him and he took time to acknowledge it, be sad over it, cry out to God, and wait for healing. Today I drove around for close to an hour acknowledging the pain in my life right now, both physical and emotional. I took it to God with humility, desperation, and a little anger. Now I can sit before Him and feel His grace flow down and cover me. It makes the cross even more beautiful than before.