Friday, May 30, 2008

Regarding choices

I read a series of posts from this blog recently regarding choices. Her words have sent my thoughts and prayers whirling. I have been asking myself and the Lord the same question, "Am I enjoying my portion and my cup?" I am experiencing that deep down conviction, the painful kind, that can so easily be mistaken for condemnation. But no, it is conviction; gentle and warm, from the hand of the Father. And it urges me to call out my sin, ask forgiveness, and be restored to Him. (Romans 8:1-2 "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death.")

This year has been wonderful for our family in many ways. My husband and I have been blessed with a vibrant, growing church. We have been able to serve and be spiritually fed in vast amounts. Our marriage is solid. Our children are healthy and growing. We are comfortable financially, really quite wealthy according to the world's standards. (Proverbs 30:7-9 "Make me neither rich nor poor, but give me my daily bread.") And we both seem to be carving out time for things that fulfill us. We are beginning to see God's timing come to pass on our deepest dreams. So why the struggle? Why the fight for joy, still?

I am realizing that every season will be marked with battle (Ephesians 6:11). There will always be something to fear, something to lose, something to doubt. Even in plenty and health, it always looms. For now, I am struggling through toddlerhood with Lydie. The whining and testing are much more demanding than I anticipated. Every day, every moment that she is awake, she is in need. Am I joyfully welcoming this challenge as from the hand of God, marked out for me and for her? Or am I reacting more like the Israelites in Exodus that complained and became faithless every time it was hard to follow God. Remember when Moses pleaded to the Lord, "What shall I do with this people? They are almost ready to stone me." (Exodus 17:4)

We also have a big move waiting for us in a year and a half or so (future home site above). What will my attitude be as we prepare? Will I be fearful, rebellious against my husband's authority, worried, and doubtful? Will I be counselled by my fears or by the Spirit of God? Again, am I enjoying what is filling my cup? I know it is being poured out by the very One that graciously died to save me. Will I enjoy what He has chosen for me? Will I trust the uncomfortable, unfamiliar path that is marked for me? The choice is simply up to me. By God's grace, I can choose, no fight for, joy and find it and it can be good. (Proverbs 3:5-6, 4:25-27)

2 comments: said...

Your words are so beautiful and heartfelt...also so right on! Thank you!

Can you give any details about the beautiful property? I can relate to your mixed emotions as you look ahead to what the next year and a half will hold...perhaps this is God's way of answering the prayer of Jabez in your life by literally expanding your territories!

Can't wait to hear more in your exciting adventure as you follow the Lord's lead! :)

Anonymous said...

I've been reading Ann, too - in fact, I just printed and cut out one of her pictures with a verse beneath it from one of those days.

What a beautiful piece of property - my children would be envious! Here's a trick a friend of mine taught me as far as building a house (since you're asking for my advice, ha ha!) :
When you go to pick out all the things you will need, think about whether or not you would have noticed the difference in a spec. house, or if you would have been perfectly fine with just the builder's grade.

My friend has an eye for detail, she is so talented, like you, when it comes to decorating! But she says this still helped her when it came to things like light fixtures and doorknobs and all those little things that add up.

I have a strong feeling you will be fine - and don't forget you'll have all your life to "tweak away!" :) That's half the fun, anyway!

I'm not trying to downplay your fears - just lighten them a little with a laugh and a smile! :) It's all good -