I am always reluctant to talk about weight loss around other women. You never know a person's struggles and it is a sensitive topic. Personally, I have struggled with this area for a long time. I realize that I am an emotional eater. Sometimes this leads to over eating, and some times deprivation. In high school I was a dancer which began a cycle of over-analyzing my body. At my lowest weight I had starved myself into a size 2, and weighed around 110 pounds, which is quite small for a 5'7" frame. I have a vivid memory of our dance instructor pulling out the scales and placing them in the center of the room. Each young girl had to weigh right there, as if standing naked before her peers. The weight was not announced, but noted by on-lookers. Much of how I defined myself back then was by that number.
Years later, I would find myself over eating on occasion for comfort. While not a regular occurrence, I found a good escape for too much stress. We all laugh at the girl in the movie who has just had her heart broken and is tearing into a gallon of chocolate ice cream. Of course, she is the size 2, but still, I can relate.
Now, I am very slow to step into an organized effort to lose weight. While there are many health benefits to losing a little weight, I also know the consequences if taken too far. While I am not considered overweight, and never have been, I could stand to lose a few pounds. I always feel like I need to wait until life is in order and calm so that I can focus on praying over every step and continually asking God for the grace to walk with Him through my weight loss. I have finally excepted the fact that I will never reach THAT place. So here I am, at the foot of the cross, ready to get more healthy.
I began praying more and being more aware of what I eat last Thursday. I have lost 5 1/2 pounds during the first week. I can honestly say that I have eaten healthy and the right proportions. I am at a place in my life, sadly for the first time at 32, that I am not willing to risk disobedience for a smaller waistline. It is a wonderful place to be, daily seeking and struggling. I will try to remember to update my journey every Thursday.
Lord, grant me the grace to obey you in this difficult area. All I have, all I am is yours.