Vacation

We've just returned from a 7 day cruise with our family, plus 22 other family members. It was a wonderful vacation! But the time just flew away.

More on femininity: Embracing it all

I am so glad that I have had the opportunity to think through exactly what I believe about true femininity. Having children challenges me in so many ways, particularly intellectually as I am called to know and lead. It is such a pleasure to pray, read, think, and talk with others until I can verbalize my beliefs. Andy and I agree that we can not be very effective parents if we do not have a firm grasp on what we feel God has given us as a road map.

I found a resource with which I completely concur. It is John Piper's What's the Difference?. I think each of his 15 challenges for women are completely biblical. The application of these challenges will look differently in the life of the individual woman, as we seek to live out God's calling on our life. But, I do believe there are some black and white, universal commands for women, as well. Again, I am always praying for the grace to neither err on the side of liberalism or legalism.

Please take the time to read them!! I think they are the most beautiful, complete descriptions of femininity that I have found, and a wonderful guide for me as I lead my Lydia Joy into womanhood! I absolutely adore this excerpt. I might print it and hang it inside a kitchen cabinet or closet.
Here's what John Piper says directly to women:

:::

"My earnest challenge and prayer for you is...
1. That your life-in whatever calling-be devoted to the glory of God.

2. That the promises of Christ be trusted so fully that peace and joy and strength fill your soul to overflowing.

3. That this fullness of God overflow in daily acts of love so that people might see your good deeds and give glory to your Father in heaven.

4. That you may be women of the Book, who love and study and obey the Bible in every area of teaching...

5. That you may be women of prayer, so that the Word of God will be opened to you, and the power of faith and holiness will descend upon you; that your spiritual influence may increase at home and at church and in the world.

6. That you be women who have a deep grasp of the sovereign grace of God which under girds all these spiritual processes; and that you be deep thinkers about the doctrine of grace, and even deeper lovers of these things.

7. That you be totally committed to ministry, whatever your specific calling; that you not fritter away your time on soaps or women's magazines or unimportant hobbies or shopping; that you redeem the time on Christ and His kingdom.

8. That, if you are single, you devote your singleness to the full in devotion to God and not be paralyzed by the desire to be married.

9. That, if you are married, you creatively and intelligently and sincerely support the leadership of your husband as deeply as obedience to Christ will allow; that you encourage him as obedience to Christ will allow, that you encourage him as his God-appointed role as head; that you influence him spiritually primarily through your fearless tranquility, holiness, and prayer.

10. That if you have children you accept responsibility with your husband (or alone if necessary) to raise your children up in the discipline of the Lord- children who hope in the triumph of God- sharing with your husband the teaching and discipline they need, and giving them the special attachment they crave from you, as well as that special nurturing touch and care that you alone are fitted to give.

11. That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than the countless opportunities of service and witness in the home, the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world. That you not only pose the question of , "Career of full-time homemaker?", but you ask just as seriously, "Full-time career or freedom for ministry?". That you ask, "Which would be better for the kingdom to work for someone who tells you what to do to make his or her business prosper or to be God's free agent dreaming your own dream about how your time and your home and your creativity could make God's business prosper?" And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or upward lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the faith of the family and advance the cause of Christ.

12. That you step back (with your husband, if you are married) and plan the various forms of your life's ministry in chapters...No chapter has all the joys. Finite life is a series of trade offs. Finding God's will and living for the glory of Christ to the full in every chapter is what makes it a success, not whether it has in it what another chapter will bring.

13. That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life in short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day. That the love of money is spiritual suicide. That the goal of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might and maximizing your joy in ministry to people's needs.

14. That in all your relationships with men (not just your husband) you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit...that you seek a style and demeanor that does justice to the unique role God has given to man to feel responsible for gracious leadership in relation to women- a leadership which involves elements of protection and provision and a pattern of initiative; that you think (creatively and with cultural sensitivity just as he must do) in shaping the style and setting the tone of your interaction with men.

15. That you see the biblical guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women not as arbitrary constraints on freedom, but as wise and gracious prescriptions for how to discover the true freedom of God's ideal of complementarity; that you not measure your potential by the few roles withheld, but by the countless roles offered; that you look to a loving God of scripture and dream about the possibilities of your service to Him.

::: Me with one of my best friends in the world, my sweet Lydie

Femininity: Give me your opinion!

"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

~Howard Thurman

I read the following quote a year or so ago, along with The Purpose-Driven Life and other similar books, and they made me feel uncomfortable. I have been wrestling ever since with the idea of pursuing verses submitting, striving verses resting, all in regards to how I glorify God uniquely as a woman. My best friend, whom I deeply respect, was recently very disturbed by a hymn that we sang which included asking the Lord to "rid me of myself". It's all very perplexing to a girl that spent her first seventeen years of life in a vacuum of vanity and selfishness. I am well aware of the ugliness that we can find on a path to "self-realization". On the other hand, I have also found myself in the most recent seventeen years of walking with Christ at the other end of the spectrum- an unnecessary "martyr", or even worse- a Pharisee, creating false rules and pretenses. I am determined to enjoy the freedom I have been given in Christ, but also desire more than anything to walk in obedience. I am particularly aware of my questions because I have a three year old daughter that observes, imitates, and adores every move that I make.

So here are my questions (all of which I thought I definitely had the answers to at the age of 20 when I married my husband):

~What if my gifts and talents call me to spend a substantial amount of time away from my home. Are those gifts/talents to be used later in life after the children are older? I see all of these quotes from women about doing this or that later because the time is fleeting with our children. And time is fleeting! On the other hand, if God calls me to do "this or that", then I should be doing it!

~What does true femininity look like? Does it change with time? (I loved Elisabeth Eliot's essays on this topic as a college student. But now I'm not so sure if some of her ideas are not legalistic. )

~On the topic of "dying to self"...has that been overused in the evangelical church (particularly with reformed theology)? Are we missing the deep joy of being who we are uniquely called to be because tend to always think our desires must be sacrificed? Or is this just a tendency that I have?

~Are we just a generation of spoiled brats who think we are entitled to things (time, hobbies, pleasures, etc.) we are not? (These types of questions would certainly seem trivial and ridiculous to most people around the world. Although these gifts are great blessings (time, talent, resources) and should be used for God's glory, which requires discerning what that should look like.)

Again, I am really not asking these questions for myself. I really enjoy all things domestic and "girly". My husband and I decided before we even got married that I would stay at home and manage our home and be with our children. I could spend all of my days decorating, educating my children, sewing, drawing, singing, listening to music, creating a welcoming home, having people over, etc. Being a home school teacher and wife comes very easily and happily for me. But for some women, it is like a prison. I have seen it with friends very closely. I really have NO desire to express any opinion on this topic to them. But I must express the truth that I have found in God's word to my daughter on how I feel God wants our lives as women to look, or be characterized by. I know, for Lydie, God put her in this family because He is going to use my faults and strengths in her life to allow her to become who He has called her to be. I had a Lydie (my Nana, Lydie Mae) that He used to teach me all of the things I listed above. Her hands and mine were intertwined, dirty fingernail to dirty fingernail, in more sewing projects, gardening adventures, and baking time than anyone before or since. And Lydia Joy seems to enjoy all of the things that I do. I just feel such a deep sense of responsibility with her tender, vivacious soul. I DO NOT want to add or take away from God's words. I want to teach her both the exhilarating freedom and the comforting boundaries that God has given her as a daughter.

I embarrassed to be questioning such simple things. Even Proverbs 31 seems a little more complicated to me lately than it used to. But what do you think? More on what I think soon...

On stage

We had one of those moments today that only happen once in a while. (Here was another one of those moments from two years ago.) They might be easy to miss if we weren't constantly looking and waiting for them. But we've learned to be ever watchful. Today Andy and I nudged each other, without having to exchange glances, knowing that we were watching something significant unfold.

J has talked of working with film (particularly as a screen writer) for years, before most children would know of such a profession. So we agreed that he should try out acting classes this winter for the sake of "learning what the actors do". I could not have predicted how much he would enjoy theatre!

He looked forward to the hour and a half each week as much as his weekly trip to the library. And I didn't think anything this side of heaven could come close to his love for books! (At least not until girls are on his radar! :) )Anyway, we were a little shocked when he came home after the 5th of 8 classes in the winter session with his part for the class play. He was given the part of narrator and he had considerably more to memorize than his classmates. I wondered how he would pull it off. The snow storm last week gave us an extra week, which helped. But still, he had at least 9 or 10 paragraphs to memorize.

Today was the play and he just shined! He remembered everything. He looked incredibly calm and comfortable. (The teacher and several parents even commented on his performance!) I was proud of him for his hard work, but just thrilled to see him feel that amazing sense of being extraordinary at something. I enjoyed praising God with him tonight for God's gifting, giving Him the praise that He is due. I know that joy will enable him to do more with theatre, and hopefully in other areas, for God's glory. What an awesome feeling as a Mom!

Andy and I deeply desire that our children know Him and make Him known- in their own special calling and place. We do not desire wealth, earthly honor, or fame for them (or ourselves). But we pray for them to know the intense joy and satisfaction of giving and receiving the very best that life has to offer by walking with Christ and using all they have and are for His glory on earth. It will be a great honor to see what that will look like in the life of our unique, gifted boy. What a marvelous day!

Not extinguished

Well, we all came through a patchy, difficult week and are now feeling much better. We never took that "sick day". We survived without it. I decided to keep pushing beyond the tough spots because we are soon going on an 8 day cruise around the Caribbean with my family. So we are working hard now, to play hard later. Ahhh, I'll say it again, we made it through last week! Sometimes life feels so unbearably exhausting, but then amazingly as we cling to Christ we find that before we know it a "new day" has dawned. It's the story of our lives this side of heaven, I think.

So this week will be the usual, plus preparing for sunny beaches, kayaking, snorkeling, swimming with dolphins, and swimming pools. Amazing the difference "a day" makes! Sometimes just being in survival mode (with the goal of making it through the day without misplaced anger or doubt) is an honoring accomplishment for God's glory, in my opinion. It was about all I could give Him last week. (And a couple of days were very sketchy at best, even with constant groveling and begging for His help). But this week, well this week's another story! I am so thankful that His mercies are new each and every morning for us! They are so needed! And I'm thankful that life (moods, trials, burdens, etc.) ebb and flow in waves. Our life is constantly changing and I enjoy that constant. (Especially when the tide is low again.) Pressing on...

"I share Einstein's affirmation that anyone who is not lost on the rapturous awe at the power and glory of the mind behind the universe "is as good as a burnt out candle".

~Madeleine L'Engle

His words say it all

Praise God!

Joshua brought home this picture from church. So thankful to have a church body praying with us and even asking our children how God is working in their lives. I feel certain many adults and children were thanking God for answered prayer, along with us!

Where my mind is this day

"For he has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good."

Psalm 107:9

"Those who believe in God but without passion in their heart, without anguish of mind, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself."

~Madeleine L'Engle

His birthday, God bless him

Well, Andy says we made him feel very special for his 35th birthday (on the 3rd). But I am not sure how special one can feel when cooped up in bed with a back ache. Not only that, but cooped up in the house with a grumpy wife that is running around like a chicken with her head cut off. It's been a bit crazy. But hopefully he did feel special, because he really, really is.

We gave him a framed picture with a few crafty touches and a couple of gardening books. The farm really is his happy place. I love seeing him enjoy himself there.

a few shots of our celebration:

His request: homemade chocolate cake with butter cream frosting.

Her little birthday message

The kids and I made the icing and Mimi made the cake. It turned out well. Look at that handsome boy with the mixer.

Our feeble attempt (along with balloons everywhere) to decorate his "sick room". Yesterday was his first day up and moving. Hopefully by Monday he will be good as new! With his 35th birthday it's official, we have known each other more years than not. I adore him more than ever!

Freaking out a little

I remember when I was pregnant with our first child, I had a friend that was ALWAYS having "one of those days". She had three kids, as a matter of fact, each about the age of mine now. I remember another friend telling me, "We will never be one of those mothers." Famous last words.

Here I am almost ten years later, and almost every day this week I have found myself in one of those days. Granted, my husband just spent his fifth day in bed with another back injury (including Wednesday which was his birthday). And granted J's play was cancelled on Tuesday which was crushing after all the hype and practice for his very first acting gig. (Not really a gig, but still.) And also, I do have a severe case of pms that even my prescription medicine can't touch. But still, I can't believe it's come to this. Well I can, because pride does come before the fall. And aren't all new moms a little prideful? We just have no idea. We think the loud kid in the restaurant will never be ours. And the sight of a little boy going potty by the mini-van on the side of the highway is enough to make us turn our noses up in disgust. At some point, we even believe the snotty, disheveled kid in the grocery cart only belongs to neglectful parents. Oh, it's all so laughable now.

So I am going to bed a little uneasy. We just watched "Where the Wild Things Are" and it was disturbing. All I could think about was, "I wonder if one of my children is that angry?" J kept telling me I was missing the point of the movie when I kept whispering questions in his ear. So, what WAS the point of that movie? And, my girl just cried herself to sleep because I wouldn't be the one to put her to bed. (It's Mimi's last night here, and I REALLY needed the break.) And will my middle child always be this quiet? And (because I am a burden-bearer) is that couple at church really going to split up? Yes, it's definitely been one of those weeks! Time to take that pms medicine, pray and lay my burdens down, sleep, and search for a little gratitude. (And if that doesn't help by 9am tomorrow, maybe a fun, free day is in order. I think this constitutes a sick day.)

Good night.

More...

February highlights from school time

Gershwin inspired us to dance, sing, and draw.

The Valentine's party gave us extra baking time together.

We enjoyed some simple Valentine themed art, just for fun.

Our history book carried us further into the Middle Ages...

Charles Martel & the "army of ice"

Flying carpets, Arabian Nights, history of Islam

Sherlock and Watson take their history test, detective-stlye

February has been a great month. We are ready for March!

Her poignant request

When I tucked the kids in bed last night, Lydie said,

"Mommy? Promise you will never go to work?"

I have never "been to work" since becoming a mom. I guess she was asking me to not go where Daddy goes every day. I am so thankful for the financial freedom to do as I desire, and stay home with my children. Some days I think, "This is it. This is the last day I can do this!" The amount of needs and constant tasks overwhelm me. But in that moment by her bed, I knew all of the mundane, exhausting, difficult moments are all worth it. This is where God has called me for this season in my life. Being where He individually calls is the best place to be-wherever that may be.

Praying for a heart and ear that listens for His voice (which sometimes is spoken through the heart of a three year old).

The Children's Museum

My sweetie

My adorable middle son has always captivated a very soft, mushy part of my heart. He is a boy of few words, but oh does he communicate with hugs and kisses. He loves to run fast and play hard, but he also appreciates beauty. He tells me frequently, "Your dress looks nice, Mommy." or "I like your hair that way." He will bless some pretty, sweet girl with the gift of encouraging words some day. It was either him or his brother, I can't remember which, that told me the other day, "If you were one of Snow White's dwarfs, you would be called Pretty Dwarf." Made my day.

The house is quiet today because he is feeling a little sick and sleepy. When one of the kids is not feeling well, it is good to recognize just how much his personality adds to the dynamic of our family life. I have laughed less, been less energetic, and felt less appreciated due to the decrease in his affection. During times like this I can't help but be sad a little that one day he will grow up and have another home. But for today, I will put that cold fact out of my mind and enjoy kissing his little forehead and telling him how sorry I am that he is feeling badly. I will tuck in his covers and make a run to McDonalds for him. And I will pray a little more than usual for him. I am so privileged to share my days with such a vivacious, easy-going soul!

Retreat with friends about friendship

Our church had our winter women's retreat in the mountains this past weekend. It was relaxed and light-hearted. I even managed to forget from time to time that this would probably be the last time I would be on a retreat with my friends from this church. I guess because of that very reason, I took very little pictures of friends. Maybe I thought it would seem too final. But I did get a few pictures of our beautiful scenery.

I was asked to share about mentoring on Sunday at our worship service. Although I only had a couple of days to pull the message together, I enjoyed the time with the Lord preparing and he equipped me with the words to say. I am not letting myself wonder how it might have been "better" with more time. :) God is good to give us those occasions when He calls us to be His instruments of grace and share experiences or passions. This weekend was the highlight of my month.

Her confused compassion

Lydie has really been impacted by our effort to pray and support the victims in Haiti. We have made only a tiny contribution, but she loves being in the middle of it. The only thing is, she seems to be a bit confused. Last week she prayed frequently, "Please give Haiti a bed and a new Mommy. Where is she going to sleep all alone?" And then Andy told me that this weekend she prayed, "God, I love Haiti. She's so sweet. Please help my friend." My darling girl. I hope she always loves to pray and help.

The Daily News

A few typical moments from our life...

Now that Lydie is not in preschool, she is always, always with the boys. She is either doting on them, trying to keep up, or causing trouble.

In fact, last night in the car Jaybird said, "Lydie, when you are a teenager you are going to be a nightmare, I tell ya. I'll be an adult by then and raising a couple a kids, I guess. So I won't have to put up with you. We need to work on some stuff, girl! When Toot reminded J that he would be only 19 when Lydie turns 13 and becomes a teenager, this was J's reply: "I know. I don't want to be married then. But I'll have already adopted a couple of orphans."

Here she is describing with her hands how much she loves the cat at this particular moment. She added, "That's NOT much."

We can be found doing too much art and some times not enough math. It's a personal weakness I am working on. We just got through the first half of our math lessons this week. Oh well, looks like we will be crunching numbers in June. At least that will be less time over the summer break for them to forget what they have learned!

Lydie is writing most of her letters now. She wrote her name on a piece of paper for my friend last night and had me ask if she would put it on her refrigerator. She has no trouble believing that her stuff is special and convincing others to believe it, too. Here is some of her alphabet right now:
A,B,C,D,E,F...

We read a lot...
which inspired Lydie to come to my computer (in her pink leotard, of course) and "write a letter to the offer (author)". She said it was all good stuff and to "keep up the good work!" She's mastered the mouse/computer and knows how to press print (unfortunately). She types many a memo these days.

And, we've enjoyed the beautiful snow lately. I hope we get more this winter. Speaking of the cold, off to make some hot chocolate!

Many thanks

We owe an enormous amount of gratitude to so many of our friends and family. During some rough times with our extended family, God has once again provided gifts that declare his faithfulness and compassion for us. Some are tangible, but mostly I am referring to the amazing love and support we feel.
Thank you, thoughtful Mimi and Papa, for taking the children from Friday morning until Monday. I can not express how much the rest meant to us. I actually sat for 5 hours straight with coffee and a book in front of the fire. We talked and laughed and napped all weekend.

Thank you, precious friend, for the gifts you and your amazing husband gave to us on Friday. You are two of the most generous people I know. I can not wait to see how God continues to bless you for your kindness. I am praying for that for you! Ruth Chris Steakhouse and the Ballet? Really? We are lavishly loved.

Thank you to all who have been praying for us. We did not have to be part of an intervention, per say. But, counselling is under way. I really feel like healing is coming for my hurting family member and those around her. Praise God!

One more thing, who in the world paid for me to go on the Women's Retreat? Whoever did it has insisted on anonymity. If you read my blog, I will be praying for you faithfully. You have overwhelmed me with your love, and the love of my heavenly Father.

I wish there was more to say. I am deeply grateful and eager to pay it forward!

"Oh Lord that lends me my life,

Lend me a heart replete with thankfulness!"

~William Shakespeare

Love-ly party

We celebrated Valentines today with friends here at the house. We enjoyed cupcakes, play time, exchanging Valentines, and praying for/making cards for the children in Haiti. These sweet little ones gave $40 from their little piggy banks, along with other items. We had about 10 minutes of prayer together for the victims of the earthquakes. I began, and the children prayed as they wanted. Oh, their prayers melted my heart. Sweet, heart-felt, compassionate. Such enormous, simple faith.

A group shot, minus just one family.

The sugar high begins...

Here they are all over the house making their cards together.

Every time I look at this little guy I think, "Couldn't I have just one more little boy, Lord?"

One of the older girls wrote inside her card: "Hi, I'm Olivia. Do you know about God? He is your Savior. And if you believe in Him He will save you from sin."

The boy:girl ratio today was 5:15. Deep down, I don't think the boys cared, though.

This is Lydie's best friend. They are both vivacious, charming, and cute! This was a really good day.