Femininity: Give me your opinion!

"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

~Howard Thurman

I read the following quote a year or so ago, along with The Purpose-Driven Life and other similar books, and they made me feel uncomfortable. I have been wrestling ever since with the idea of pursuing verses submitting, striving verses resting, all in regards to how I glorify God uniquely as a woman. My best friend, whom I deeply respect, was recently very disturbed by a hymn that we sang which included asking the Lord to "rid me of myself". It's all very perplexing to a girl that spent her first seventeen years of life in a vacuum of vanity and selfishness. I am well aware of the ugliness that we can find on a path to "self-realization". On the other hand, I have also found myself in the most recent seventeen years of walking with Christ at the other end of the spectrum- an unnecessary "martyr", or even worse- a Pharisee, creating false rules and pretenses. I am determined to enjoy the freedom I have been given in Christ, but also desire more than anything to walk in obedience. I am particularly aware of my questions because I have a three year old daughter that observes, imitates, and adores every move that I make.

So here are my questions (all of which I thought I definitely had the answers to at the age of 20 when I married my husband):

~What if my gifts and talents call me to spend a substantial amount of time away from my home. Are those gifts/talents to be used later in life after the children are older? I see all of these quotes from women about doing this or that later because the time is fleeting with our children. And time is fleeting! On the other hand, if God calls me to do "this or that", then I should be doing it!

~What does true femininity look like? Does it change with time? (I loved Elisabeth Eliot's essays on this topic as a college student. But now I'm not so sure if some of her ideas are not legalistic. )

~On the topic of "dying to self"...has that been overused in the evangelical church (particularly with reformed theology)? Are we missing the deep joy of being who we are uniquely called to be because tend to always think our desires must be sacrificed? Or is this just a tendency that I have?

~Are we just a generation of spoiled brats who think we are entitled to things (time, hobbies, pleasures, etc.) we are not? (These types of questions would certainly seem trivial and ridiculous to most people around the world. Although these gifts are great blessings (time, talent, resources) and should be used for God's glory, which requires discerning what that should look like.)

Again, I am really not asking these questions for myself. I really enjoy all things domestic and "girly". My husband and I decided before we even got married that I would stay at home and manage our home and be with our children. I could spend all of my days decorating, educating my children, sewing, drawing, singing, listening to music, creating a welcoming home, having people over, etc. Being a home school teacher and wife comes very easily and happily for me. But for some women, it is like a prison. I have seen it with friends very closely. I really have NO desire to express any opinion on this topic to them. But I must express the truth that I have found in God's word to my daughter on how I feel God wants our lives as women to look, or be characterized by. I know, for Lydie, God put her in this family because He is going to use my faults and strengths in her life to allow her to become who He has called her to be. I had a Lydie (my Nana, Lydie Mae) that He used to teach me all of the things I listed above. Her hands and mine were intertwined, dirty fingernail to dirty fingernail, in more sewing projects, gardening adventures, and baking time than anyone before or since. And Lydia Joy seems to enjoy all of the things that I do. I just feel such a deep sense of responsibility with her tender, vivacious soul. I DO NOT want to add or take away from God's words. I want to teach her both the exhilarating freedom and the comforting boundaries that God has given her as a daughter.

I embarrassed to be questioning such simple things. Even Proverbs 31 seems a little more complicated to me lately than it used to. But what do you think? More on what I think soon...