My crown

After a not-so-smooth departure to church this morning, I was left with sadness and disappointment driving to church. Those feelings prompted me to ask the kids to forgive me for my impatience, mainly shown towards my two year old. After a few minutes of silent "arrow prayers", God was good to renew me by jogging my memory a little.

I remembered the song I've heard dozens of times before about wearing "forgiveness like a crown". And that reminded me of the analogy of Christ's righteousness being imputed to me like a royal robe. All of a sudden, the imagery turned my shame into something beautiful.

It is true that we only bring "filthy rags" to our relationship with Christ (as Romans says), but Christ's death and resurrection transform us into royalty. Not because of what we have done (whether good, bad or ugly), but because of Him. In a quick car ride, I went from feeling defeated to feeling lavish and beautiful- all because of Christ. My unworthiness made the gospel more beautiful to me. And the beauty of His grace and forgiveness swallowed up my discouragement. By the time we arrived at church, I felt almost as princess-like as my two year old. And that's saying a lot.

God used this experience to prepare me for several conversations I encountered through out the day. Like the tender friend whose daughter is preparing for college away from home. Or the broken-hearted Mom whose son is rebelling. And the young Mom of a toddler and baby that is gripping herself for potty training. We all wonder, "How will we do it?" It was helpful to remember that we are not walking alone. We don't have to bear the weight of our shortcomings or our hardships. If we know Christ, His death and resurrection on our behalf sets us free to feel and express love lavishly. And his grace sees us through the seemingly unbearable. As our pastor mentioned today, our relationships will be bumpy and painful. But the more we fix our eyes on Christ, the more we have to give and the less we have to carry. The freedom is exhilarating!

"To love at all is to become vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safely in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless space, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

- C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves