I feel really selfish and guilty for letting this move effect me in such a deep way, STILL, after over a year. I know there are people with far, FAR greater woes than mine. But still, in my heart and mind, it feels like a real trial. In fact, it feels like one of the most difficult trials in my life. I am looking forward to the fall when the kids and I will be involved in such an amazing school. I just hope we can keep up with the pace of a very challenging school, outside activities, and 2 hours a day in the car. It's a lot of responsibility and a little overwhelming to think about. But I think we can do it and I look forward to the change, even with its challenges.
It just seems so very hard to combine what we love into one life together. And in my own weakness and selfishness, I am tired of all that this requires of me. I feel so vulnerable sharing these feelings. But someone out there may take comfort in the fact that even the sweetest relationships are filled with difficulties, if we are honest with ourselves. Marriage, with all of its beauty, can be very hard. Life, with all of its beauty, can be very hard. This is the essence of wearing flesh and living here (not here as in rural Alabama, but here on earth). :)
Nonetheless, I know that being a Christ-follower is about seeking His glory and pushing through the difficulties, with eyes fixed on Jesus and not myself. In Him and through Him I can move forward and give of myself as He asks me to. He is the prize and not my current happiness. Seeking his joy and peace today. And until I receive it, marching forward into whatever today brings, knowing that it is one step closer to Jesus. Praying He can be glorified in this messy life of mine! Lord, help me live out these words...
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for each other."
I John 3:16
"May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."