Learning to receive

The past few years have been full of paradox and wonder in every area of our life. We have had the most difficult time in our marriage- which, by God's grace, gradually lead to a strong, fulfilling relationship. We lost a baby by miscarriage, followed three months later by conceiving our first girl. We moved away from the house we built and loved to a downsize, which ironically, has become our favorite house. Andy walked away from the corporate world-not on good terms due to corruption and his voice against it- and started his own company. And now just recently, he has gone back to a corporate job in order to save money and plan for a full-time career in farming, of all things. We left a private, Christian school that was outstanding (with tuition paid in full by a loved one) in order to take on the enormous, wonderful task of homeschooling. Our life is one big, unpredictable paradox.

From the outside, we must look like a couple of nuts. Downsizing our living conditions (while pregnant with a third child), dreaming of being able to change lifestyles and careers...by moving to a farm, homeschooling, it's all so counter-cultural. I was never, ever counter-cultural until I married Andy. I have an enormous amount of gratitude that the Lord has dealt gently with me as I learn to submit and pray for a willing, joyful heart about our constant state of instability. I am learning, albeit slowly, not to put my trust or hope in the things of this world. God is teaching me how to love Him more deeply. But he teaches me within the context of my own strengths, weaknesses and limits. For example, I enjoy the art of homemaking. After a morning full of quality time with the kids, my favorite thing to do when we all need time alone is to listen to praise music and try to make a room in my house more beautiful and comfortable. When I find myself limited with time or resources, I ask the Lord. Just this month, I received two gift cards from my Dad to spend on "pretty things". Of all people, my Dad thought of this gift? I know it was the Lord's prompting. It was certainly not necessary, but much appreciated after months of pinching pennies.

Last night, we were given what I consider to be the most thoughtful gift ever. We were recently talking about how we need a date night, but feel like the money needs to be spent on other things. I could not believe it when Andy brought home a $60 gift card to a restaurant. It was from three high school BOYS that put their money together for us! They even offered to babysit for us. The Lord provides for us in ways that are completely unpredictable over and over again. And we hear what he is saying in it all, "It's me! I'm taking care of you! I delight in who you are in Christ!" How can we respond with anything other than worship? (And I will be praying that the Lord would spiritually bless these boys tenfold for their willingness to sacrifice for our family.)

I could write a very long list of small ways that we have been given tangible gifts from the Lord through His people. It is amazing to recount. I am glad that I like to decorate, because when I am given "spending money", I often buy things for the house. I can literally walk around and remember how the Lord has loved us so tenderly and faithfully. The sofa from Mom and Dad, the lighting and kitchen flooring from Mimi and Papa, the painting from Liz's Aunt Mary, the many accessories from high school students both at church and from Living Science and friends. Even the bracelet I won the other night as a door prize- a gift from the Lord.

I might sound a little materialistic naming all of these gifts that are really earthly treasures. But I think every aspect of creation, both indoors and outdoors, is meant to be appreciated to the degree that it casts our eyes upward. If we can look at something and be reminded of the beauty and love that we have in Christ Jesus, then it is of great value. I guess I am speaking of yet another paradox- gratitude for our earthly treasures leading us to a deeper love for our heavenly treasures.

"Take the gift! Rejecting a gift is like rejecting the grace of God!"

~Andy's Grandfather

Matthew 6:28-33

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."