I was mulling over my words. What I think I was trying to say about my decision making process is that reason does not equal wisdom. All the checklists and thinking sessions are good things. But in matters of the heart, there is no escaping the time taken to seek the Lord. Because answers to these questions are not found inside ourselves. Why does it seem so much easier to make a checklist and tally the score? Okay, maybe it is easier, just not as satisfying or life-giving.
Sometimes when I reason out my own way, I find myself being an unnecessary martyr. I'll take the hard road just for security. I love this verse that puts me in my place, "To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice." (Proverbs 21:3) And sometimes, of course, I stray off into a place where "the grass looks greener" and God puts me in my place. For that very reason, I chose this year to memorize, "Let your eyes look directly forward and your gaze be straight before you. Keep straight the path of your feet, and all your ways will be sure.” (Proverbs 4:25) And I chose "Satisfaction" as my word for the year.
So, with these lessons in mind I do not want to escape the time to lay it all before the Lord and wait. I want to go before Him and ask for guidance remembering, "I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me." I also want to seek Him in His word remembering, "My child, if you accept my words and treasure up my commandments within you...then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path; for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." The year that Jaybird was five, it took my 5 months to decide what to do about school for the next year. Five s-l-o-w months. After that long, I wasn't even sure what "a peace" would feel like. So I just "commited my work to the Lord and my plans were established" (Proverbs 16:3) In other words, when the time came, I had to do what I thought was best and move forward.
Notice in the paragraph above I used the verb "want" a lot. I so want to do that which I find myself so often not doing. So I will leave another parenting decision-making process with the attempt to listen...and obey....listen...and obey. Hopefully God will take my feeble attempt (or filthy rags, as he calls it) to be obedient and be glorified. And I am certain that He will continue to sanctify me and not leave me as I was before. With each major decision, I am more in awe of His power, and less impressed with my own.
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2 comments:
These words... "Sometimes when I reason out my own way, I find myself being an unnecessary martyr. I'll take the hard road just for security." ...struck at my heart. That is me. You said it very well.
That decision - to homeschool or register - has been a thick cloud around me for about a month now. A constant debate is going on in my mind... hindering me from thinking clearly about today.
We, too, decided that we will homeschool another year. Glad you are too. : )
I hear ya.
I still have these times that come around, often unexpectedly, throwing me off kilter for awhile. I agree, we have to seek God daily for wisdom, then go forward, doing the best we know to do with the information we have been given at the time, praying, "Lord, establish my steps."
TRUST becomes a very important word when you are a mom, especially a homeschooling mom!
This was a very peaceful post... obviously the result of much soul searching. Thanks for sharing.
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