Sunday, July 20, 2008

Paranoid and sleepy

I've missed these beautiful boys

I have never been good at spending the night alone. My husband rarely travels, but when he does, I call Nana or Mimi to come and keep me company. Also, as I've mentioned, I like to have a plan. Yes, I am the girl that always listens to the flight attendant to hear the escape route from my plane seat. That's me. Well, when I am home without my husband, I have no plan for the imaginary mad man that might bust through the front door. How would I get him and save the kids? This is the question that rolls over and over in my head when I am here without my man. I have little experience with being alone at night because I lived at home during childhood, had roommates in college, and without missing a day, got married right away. I never lived alone.

This weekend it was just Lydie and I. The boys and my man all went on a camping trip. Do you know how many hours I have slept this weekend? A total of five. Not only am I exhausted now, but I am preparing to emcee VBS this week. It's really not just being the emcee, but doing goofy skits in goofy costumes and leading the music and dancing. I want to go to sleep just thinking about it!

And for the life of me I don't know why I am prone to this degree of fear. I remembered verse after verse and prayed about it, but I just couldn't let go of it! It's very frustrating and exhausting and silly.


Bloom Where You Are Planted said...

Sweet girl! I am SO sorry! I can relate 110% with you! My dear husband travels a lot with his job and you would think that I would have gotten used to it by's only been 8 years! :)

However, there is only one thing that I can do to ease the fear. I read Psalms before I go to bed, then kneel and have to fully surrender asking that the Lord replace my fear with His peace and help me to ONLY think and dream of His "good and pleasing things"...(I often pray this out loud too).

Never has He not replaced my fearful thoughts with lovely ones...BUT this is not a one time thing for's each and every night that he's gone. I guess it's a great way for me to stay at our Sweet Jesus' feet!

I will be praying for you and for VBS too! You'll be awesome! Just be yourself and God will use you to be a HUGE blessing to others! :)

Jackie said...

Bloom is exactly right. Prayer is essential.

I'd like to add my two cents, too. Bad things do happen. It is the way of our world. We do what we can to protect ourselves and our kids, we trust in God and still bad things happen.

I remember being pregnant with my first child. The fear of miscarriage. The fear of crib death. People would tell me not to worry. God was in control. Everything would be alright.

Except one friend.

She told me, "Hey, it might happen! Bad things happen. But if it does happen, lean on the Lord. Trust Him anyway!"

That thought was freeing. Bad things do happen. We can't be frozen in fear. There is nothing that happens in this world that does not first go through God's all-powerful hands. Do you lean on Him? Do you trust Him anyway?

I admire you immensely, and just wanted to pass my experience along to you. May God continue to mold you into the woman that He wants you to be.

Heidi said...

Yep. Been there. I hate being the #1 responsible person in case of emergency. I'm terrible at night as it is... always been easily depressed/anxious when it starts getting dark. Especially when I'm tired. I hate the way my imagination runs away with me. Hubby was gone all this past week out of the country! I had a little boy in my bed almost every night. :) The good side is that I am *very* happy to have my husband home at the end of his (infrequent) trips and am more thankful for him than ever!