In rare moments of clarity, I have been thinking about respect and my husband. I have been reading a book that I would not necessarily recommend about marriage. It is called The Fruit of Her Hands by Nancy Wilson. The writer is very reformed in doctrine. I agree with the basic principles of the book, but I don't like her tone at all. Instead of writing from the perspective of a fellow sinner and life-long learner, she seems to write quite critically. I rarely trust authors that write from this viewpoint. If you can't see your own depravity and need for grace, please don't dole out advice. I will probably not trust it! Her husband wrote the forward for the book and said that "She has been writing on marriage and family for a number of years, and in reading her I have never had to wonder at hypocrisy. There has been none." Wow! One has to wonder how that could be true! I would NEVER want my husband to speak those words of me, no matter how flattering! I almost quit reading the book right then and there before I even got to chapter one, but I decided to move forward.
Basically, even though I haven't necessarily enjoyed the tone of the book, God is revealing truths that I need to hear. I realize that I am disrespectful in small, subtle ways mostly with parenting and housekeeping. For example, my husband left early for work this morning. I got up around six to get a shower and have a quiet time before the kids awoke. Suddenly fifteen minutes into my routine, I hear #3 crying. I get flustered and call him. "What am I going to do? I HAVE to get a shower and have my quiet time!" He says, "Just let her cry, sweetie. Turn off the monitor and finish getting dressed." I hang up and pause. Should I listen? I called for his opinion. Should I listen? I think about her crying up there and I realize I need at least 20 more minutes to finish getting dressed. That's a long time to ignore her. I start to walk up the steps. After all, he's not a mom. He just doesn't understand. I stop myself. I realize I am being disrespectful. He gave me advice. I need his help. I decide to trust that He has the ability to give God-given advice...even about the kids. I do what he suggests. #3 falls back asleep and the day is saved.
I realize my husband can't always be the hero. I realize that he will not always be right and many times God will impart wisdom through me as well. But I am honoring God by respecting his opinion, particularly when I ask for it! The Bible commands us to respect our husbands. (Ephesians 5) It must be important. It must be a marriage builder. The book says, "God designed your husband to need respect, and He commanded you to be the principal source of it." I agree.
I'm enjoying praying and asking God what respect looks like in my marriage. I look forward to seeing Him lead us to even greater intimacy and love for one another. More later when I can think straight!
3 comments:
I have read this book too. I remember liking it, but I can't remember many of the details, as far as the way she wrote. I'll have to go back to it.
I've also read another book by her called "Praise Her in the Gates" about motherhood. I liked many of the principles she wrote about in it.
I pop in from time to time and love to hear about your sweet little family. I was interested in today's post because I am also struggling with respecting my husband in the little day to day details. Elizabeth George has a great book called A Woman After God's Heart that is wonderful... I highly recommend it:-)
Blessings!
I highly recomend Elizabeth George's A Woman After God's Own Hear too. As well as A Woman's High Calling,
A Wife After God's Own Heart and
A Mother After God's Own Heart.
Full respect I struggle with also. I like being in control. My husband will often say, why don't you trust my advice. It is like I need to try it myself just to make sure. I do it with God too.
Thank you for sharing.
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