Wednesday, January 05, 2011

January Reflections (2)

"Choose one word to describe your marriage in 2010 and explain."

Did you ever play the trust game on a church retreat or at camp? It's the one where you stand with your back to your partner, he puts out his arms, and you are asked to blindly fall, trusting that he will catch you. My relationship with my husband mirrored that game very much this past year. It was a continuous exercise in trust and submission. It was extremely difficult at times, but simultaneously rewarding.

We have been preparing to move away from suburbia to a rural farm. The story of how this adventure began is here. But in a nutshell, my husband feels a strong calling from the Lord, and I have been asked to trust and follow him to a place that I have not desired. My husband and I have never really had different desires for our lives, at least not any of this magnitude. So this year the Lord has gently taught what it looks like to have blind faith in my relationship with Him, and complete submission in my relationship with Andy. It has been an instrument that has catapulted me to the highest highs at times. And other moments I have felt the true darkness of fear and doubt.

This has been the third big situation in my marriage that has forced me to know and believe who Christ is and apply that to my actions towards my husband (in spite of that waring selfishness in me that wants to demand my own way). It has been very good to (try to) take my expectations off of my husband, and place them on Christ. Although there have been times when I have told Andy that "this move is coming between us". I can see now that the opposite is true. This move is flushing out all kinds of idols in my life, as well as all of my insecurities. At the end of the day (or year), healing has begun and a renewed, vital relationship is the product. It always amazes me how God can do that- take the most difficult situations and use them to draw us to himself and our loved ones.

I am beginning to become more excited about our move. I know God has wonderful things in store for us- more than I can imagine- starting with our hearts, and flowing into all kinds of blessings. I hope this post doesn't make it sound like the entire year has been a struggle with my relationship with my husband. It really has been a great year, overall, with various seasons of doubt, panic, fear, and ultimately renewal. This year my marriage relationship has taught me that love, wrapped up in relationships, is truly worth giving up any other earthly pursuit for.


maryanne said...

I don't think it sounds selfish at all. What uncharted territory you are moving into. New home, church, school, friends. But God has given you some really solid years together, and these have more than prepared you for this year, and your settling-in year. You will be such an asset to whatever community you join up with!

Corrin said...

Second set of prompts is ready.

Kathryn said...

Wow! Thanks so much for sharing your heart in this post. It's amazing how God works in us and our marriages stretching us beyond what we thought possible, and teaching us to trust in him.

Carrie Thompson said...

I dont comment often but always read.. this post was very touching. I think the "flushing out idols" sentence really hit me hard.. I have had three of four instances of "what are your idols" come up in conversation.. SEEING a theme! Mayhaps I have some flushing of my own to do.. anyway, thanks!