This past week I was strongly tempted to feel sorry for myself, get angry, and also to run from the situations surrounding me. I was not just tempted, but I actually tried all three at some point-temporarily. There are many things in my extended family that are not as I dreamed or desired them to be, some things due to poor choices (those are the most painful). I never imagined I would be faced with these things at this early stage in my life. And with so many places I want to be helping and no one available or able to help me with my children, I felt/feel very overwhelmed and somewhat alone (until my wonderful husband got in town). So "the cards I have been dealt" are not good ones right now.
But my life circumstances are not "cards". If I believed that was true then I would have been completely hopeless in the midst of this mess. Each trial and struggle has been providentially allowed for me by a loving Heavenly Father. These ugly, painful, "so-not-the-way-God-intended" things that my extended family has struggled with (none of which we have been sick with, but each one affecting us and our children so deeply)- alcoholism, sickness, a brain tumor- they are all given to me as a means of grace. They are ways of getting us to the end of our rope, to the end of what our stubborn, independent minds feel like we can handle just fine-to a place where only Christ alone can rescue us. These circumstances force me to beg for mercy and experience the fellowship of my Savior. It's all grace, really. To need Him, to know Him, to feel richly blessed just because of His work in my life. And I walk away feeling loved, redeemed, renewed. This process of sanctification is extremely painful, but gloriously beautiful in the end.
This life is certainly no card game. There is no random event. It's a story of redemption, love, and healing if we know Christ. Even the bleakest of circumstances are under girded with grace, hope, and untimately with joy.
Jude 1:24
"To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy..."
2 comments:
So very well said..."For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need". (Hebrews)
"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, He will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousnes, and the offerings...will be acceptable to the Lord" (Malachi 3:3)
"These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:7-9)
Hang in there, and know that I love you, -andy
I am so sorry. Thank you once again for your honesty. It is refreshing to hear your true heart and struggles in a world where so many pretend that everything is going great all the time.
Those verses are PERFECT and speak to my heart as well!
I am praying for you, dear friend.
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