Preaching to myself

I have a bit of a bump in the road with one of my children here lately. He seemed to be directing some unexplained anger towards me and I have been stumped as to the reason. More than stumped, I have been heartbroken over it. A few days ago I sat down with my most insightful friend and spilled my guts, so to speak. Here are the two things we came up with...

:::First born children seem to be the recipients of added stress. Not only do they feel naturally inclined to be protective care-takers, and sometimes rule-followers, BUT they also often bear an unreasonable amount of responsibility from their parents. These expectations can lead to tension. Also, if their personality is one that requires extra time (aka "high-maintenance personalities"), then we might not express the same adoration and laid-back qualities as we do with our younger children. Even though they are amazing, brilliant, admirable...they might not feel like WE think they are. We can't just enjoy them, but we must let them KNOW we enjoy them!

What to do?

~Delight in our children! Forget expectations, challenges, agendas and just enjoy!
~Reach out and touch them, look at them, stop what we are doing. They are never too old for our undivided attention and physical touch. And this first-born type will not ask for much. Just initiate! Ask self, "Do I look interested, pleased or just interrupted?"
~Spend time alone with them- maybe even a night of their choice!
~Pray often!

::When our children, especially boys, have earned extra freedom by showing they are trustworthy...give it! My friend used the analogy of footsteps. They take a step by consistent obedience, and we take a step by allowing added freedoms. If they do their part and we do not do ours, we will feel resistance. They have proven trustworthy, and we have not. It makes them angry, even if they can not articulate the reasons. Besides, later they might not be able to handle freedom as teens if it has not been a gradual process of trust, obey, trust....

What to do?

~Recognize their successes.
~Do not expect their obedience to be perfect. Is ours? Recognize even their progress.
~Remember respect is important to boys, much like it is to men. When there are consequences, talk privately. Don't belittle, speak or push irresponsibly. Just lay it all out and then follow through. Offer prayer and encouragement. We're walking together here towards Christ. We're on the same team.
~Offer examples of our own struggles. I firmly believe that respect is not lost when we apologize or share our own sinfulness. I believe much respect, love, and hope is gained in a young boy's heart during these tender moments. My son is getting past the age of just obeying with his hands and mind. His heart is involved more than before. I am his authority. But, I am also a fellow sinner saved by grace. We have so much in common. Meet on common ground.

"A flurry of accomplishments will not get us happily across life’s finish line. Tasks are not the purpose nor the priority. If to-do lists are what compels us, inevitably, we’ll stumble. Because that’s not the essence of family life.
The essence of family life is the care of souls. "

Ann Voscamp

My own parenting motto (used when I find how broken, fallen I am):

There is now "no more condemnation for those who are in Christ", only conviction with the point of sweet restoration.

*So now I quit feeling like a loser for what I have missed/how I have failed, and I move forward, by God's grace.

Praying today that God would be glorified, working through me, in spite of me, in our home. Let me know if I can pray for you, too!