Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Praise God I'm not in a tailspin

I'm in Atlanta for a week. I had planned for a long time to come so the kids could be a part of our former church's VBS. It's the perfect way to visit and see ALL of their friends! But I almost reconsidered. I questioned whether I was really ready to come back. Would it send me into a tailspin? Would I white knuckle my friends and not want to go back to the farm? Would I get angry at my husband all over again for asking me to move? Basically, I expected all of these things (and more) to happen. But I came anyway because I had made a promise to my sweet kids.

So here I am. My friends and church are still the same. I will hold fast to a handful of friendships and the others will eventually fade. Life goes on. Everyone has new blessings and trials. And I am okay with being a visitor! This attitude is evidence that God never forsakes me. This peace is proof that He is working in my life. I am okay with having to start over with friendships. I am okay that my ministry now is not with suburban dwellers. I am okay that I am not part of this support group, my kids are not involved in these activities, they will not be in this youth group. They are all good. But I am on the outside looking in. These things here are not mine any more.

It is wonderful to visit. Our life was full of love and good things. This church and these friends were a saving grace for our family and marriage. We will eternally be indebted. But God has placed me somewhere else. And slowly, slowly he is giving me a heart for my new communities. He is changing me, and I am encouraged. He is worthy of a willing, joyful heart and I am going to try my best to surrender and trust in His unfailing love (and consequently share it with others!).

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