Crazy awesome

A couple of weeks ago my Mom found "the lump". She went to the doctor and was immediately sent to a specialist. The very concerned specialist worked her in for a scan. When she came back for the results of the scan, he mixed no words in telling her that he believed she had breast cancer, and he also saw a suspicious spot on her lymph nodes. He even discussed in detail what the next few months would probably be like for her.

He sent her immediately to have a biopsy, but it was postponed because she had taken an aspirin the day before and her blood was too thin for the test to be performed. Fast forward to this past Friday. We had spent almost an entire week trying to digest the new reality of cancer in the family. We were all preparing ourselves for the surgeries and treatments that had already been discussed. I had begun to rearrange plans for the fall in order to be available.

Lo and behold, she went in for her biopsy and the solid mass from the scan was liquid-filled. And the spot on the lymph node was simply a lymph node fighting the infection in the cyst. We aren't sure if the very reliable specialist who reads dozens of these scans a day made a BIG mistake (who speaks of cancer treatments with a patient unless they are really certain?) OR if the solid mass was miraculously turned into a liquid-filled cyst. But we are giving God all the glory. Either way, we are very thankful that there is NO CANCER. Today Mom called with the final news that the biopsy results showed no problems whatsoever.

We have walked through cancer two times in our family, each time with my aunts who had breast cancer. I also just found out that my sweet friend Kappy is in a battle of her own right now with her newly found cancer. (We are praying, dear friend, for you and your family, if you are reading!) I have no idea why my Mom, why WE, were spared of this trial right now. But it certainly has made me more sensitive and compassionate for those around us who are living under the strain of illness. It is humbling to be reminded through this experience that every breath I take belongs to the Lord. I am completely and utterly held in the palm of His hand and one day all sickness and sorrow will be wiped away!

They're home

My children arrived home from grandparents this afternoon. I am so glad that they didn't come home until 2:00. Andy and I have this weird cycle that we go through when I have a full (overflowing!) amount of things to do at one time. It usually begins with me trying to discuss how I am going to fit in all the things that I need to do (a little frantically). Somewhere in the mix I might make a sarcastic or desperate comment. My husband tends to freak out a little when he thinks I am stressed. Poor guy. Then he tries to suggest ways he can do all of my things for me OR he suggests that I just don't do any of them. Then I feel ungrateful and misunderstood and reassure him that, "No, no, I can handle it all! I was just trying to talk about what I have going on." Then I get huffy and he gets irritated. Then he hugs me and I melt and we laugh. And some how by the end of it all we remember that this is a pattern, this strange form of miscommunication we have. And he hugs me some more, we pray and laugh at ourselves, and life goes on.

Any way, we were doing that little song and dance this morning just before the kids arrived. I was just reminded of how patient and amazing my husband is with me. And in walk my three precious kids. It's always such a good feeling to all be back together again.

A few hours later two of our friends arrived who are spending the week. These two teenage boys from our church in Atlanta are coming to help Andy with the farm work this week. I told the kids that we get a break this week from picking vegetables and there were hoots and hollers and all manner of jumps and dances. (Mostly from me.) Our farm helpers are staying up the hill in an old trailer. I think it is one of the yuckiest places ever. But the guys seemed pleased as can be to have their own place. My Joshua is already enjoying having two older guys around. He rode four wheelers with them and helped them unload groceries. He asked if he could spend the night in the trailer with them, too. But when I mentioned the five o'clock wake up call they are getting he decided to stay in his own bed. Smart boy.

Here are my dreams for the week:

Swim with the kids

Fun day in Birmingham (Zoo? Water park? Mini golf?)

Take Andy to get his epidural block in his back and hopefully see him able be fully mobile again

Clean the entire house

Clean the car

Have a picnic

Finish buying all things for the lake house

Do an art project with the kids

Make home-made ice cream

Go to the library

Take a nap

Where troubles melt like lemondrops

Right now I am in the throws of being the head farmer around here (Andy's back problems are acting up) and I am trying desperately to have my parents' lake house decorated in time for fourth of July. (2 weeks to fill up 1200 square feet!) Don't get me wrong, I am having so much fun shopping and planning! But I have found little time for sleep this week. Honestly, between picking our vegetables 4 or 5 hours a day, plus an hour or so to clean them, several farmer's markets and deliveries, and then shopping/designing/researching for the lake house, I am exhausted. But in a good way. Thankfully, my little ones have been at their grandparents' house since Wednesday. God is so gracious to provide for us. I am incredibly thankful for help with the children this week!

We have had rain four days this week. Three of those storms came when I was in the fields on the farm. The first time I could hear the rain blowing in over the hills in the distance. But there was no lightning, and I was strapped for time, so I just kept picking. Several minutes later I was soaked and the rain was too harsh to see well. But I finally made it home laughing. I looked dirty, soaked, and ridiculous. Oh, and for an added element of humor, I had on Andy's (huge) work boots because my polka-dotted rain boots got ripped. The kids thought it was so funny. But honestly, after five straight weeks of draught earlier in the summer, how could I possibly be frustrated with rain? Plus, it was so nice to not be hot!

Last night Andy had to help me pick vegetables, even though he should have been lying flat on his back. The vegetables simply had to be picked, and there was so little daylight left. We got a short rain, not enough to stop us. And then the soft gray sky which had almost given in to night fall, burst with orange. It was as if torches had been lit. And over our farm came a rainbow in full view. And then a few moments later, another rainbow just above the first. We had no choice but to stop and gaze. We just stood still and absorbed the beauty together. Felt like heaven on earth. What a moment! I began to wonder...is this for us? No, what an arrogant thought! God is so big, and we are so small. But then again, He is big enough to paint a rainbow across the sky for two simple ones like us. His grace and love are so big and unbelievable, yet so personal and tender.

Today after a long, hot, but successful farmer's market and then an afternoon of designing and shopping for the lake house, all I could think about was taking advantage of our last evening alone before our children plus two visitors from Atlanta arrive tomorrow. As I pulled up to the bottom of the driveway (farmer's market and shopping/planning were in another town) I was met with Andy's friend and his new girlfriend who had driven all the way from Atlanta to surprise us with a visit. For just a minute or two I gave into exhaustion and had a bad attitude. I think I asked God, and I quote, "Seriously?" That's the same question I asked Him when He lead us to this farm. So many blessings are all covered up and hidden under the wrapping of (unwanted) hard work. And those are the ones I avoid. I'm thankful, so thankful, for our visitor. (But I don't think he will surprise us again any time soon. We had eaten dinner on the way home. All I had to offer him was water or beer. No food at dinner time will send a single guy packing really quickly!)

Tonight, I am so thankful for this farm, the beautiful time this farm life has given me outdoors, and family and friends who take the time to come here to see us. As I so often remind myself and Andy, there will be plenty of time in heaven for rest! (And then he wisely reminds me, "Yes. But you get a taste of it tomorrow on the Sabbath!" Good thing for little tastes of heaven on earth!)

Last firsts

This is the last time I will pull a first tooth. Little Lydie lost her first tooth. She's only a 4 year old, 34 pound little girl, and I don't feel prepared for such milestones yet. She is, after all, our baby. But life zooms on without my permission! Her new tooth is almost in already and it looks huge and out of place. Her cuteness and excitement are adorable though.

**This picture is a little yucky. But when she smiles you can't see the bottom teeth!**

Father's day at the lake

Today was just plain fabulous. We slept in. Then we ate warm donuts and hot coffee. We topped that off with some reading and discussion in the book of John, followed by singing some hymns along with Andy's guitar playing. Then we packed a bag and headed to the lake!
My parents just bought a lake condo that is about an hour away. It is brand new with beautiful upgrades and amenities. My brother and his family came, along with my parents, and we spent the day on a pontoon boat together. My kids have no experience on boats (except for one week spent on a cruise ship last spring!). I think they really enjoyed it, especially being pulled on a tube behind the boat. Later we also enjoyed the swimming pool and then a meal at Niffer's, a favorite burger restaurant. I was completely unprepared for Father's day. We just bought cards and gift cards for our sweet Dads and Andy only got homemade cards from us this year. (I figured a day at the lake would be a treat, even if I didn't actually pay for it. :) ) We actually just mailed Papa's card today, that's how incredibly behind we are this year. But our rudeness has nothing at all to do with our feelings for our Dads. We are both incredibly blessed to have wonderful examples. Our Dads are both fully devoted to their families, generous, supportive, and very unselfish. We have reaped heaps of blessings just by being in their families. Thank you, thank you Poppy and Papa!!And I can not being to express how I feel about Andy as a Dad. He is everything I could hope for my children. I have numerous times had people comment to me that he is a wonderful Dad. He is attentive, kind, involved, wise. He really enjoys spending time with our children and with me, and it shows. He knows how to lovingly correct and lead, but also how to get down and dirty and play with the kids. I never see him belittle the children, which means a lot to me. He honors them with kindness and patience. He sacrifices a lot to provide for us and give us the opportunity for me to be at home. And he demands that the children respect me, mostly through example, sometimes by force. :) There's nothing more beautiful than seeing a Dad doing an excellent job. And I get to catch a glimpse every day. I am so thankful. Happy Father's Day, sweet heart!

A week with friends

Our best friends from Atlanta were here from Tuesday until Saturday. We all had a wonderful time, especially the kids. We spent almost the entire time here on the farm, with the exception of one day in Birmingham. We tried to show our friends the types of things we do each day. We picked vegetables, played on the slip-n-slide, ate snowcones, jumped on the trampoline, had a few friends pass through, etc. There was lots of music and food. There was a lot of laughs and giggles. We were so sad to see them go. As they were leaving, a group of men from our old church pulled up. They had asked to make the three and a half hour drive to the farm to serve us for a day. (That's three and a half hours ONE WAY!) This service included helping around the farm, as well as making our lunch for us. It was perfect timing and such a blessing! I am sure they left tired and sweaty and wondering if all that driving was worth a handful of hours here. But we were so touched and encouraged and it really, really meant a lot! It really is unbelievably gracious that they thought of us and chose to spend their day helping us. What a joy it has been to be a part of such a beautiful body of believers!Over the course of the rest of the day we had several other visitors. My father-in-law, brother-in-law, and nephew came by to borrow a farming implement. And my parents came by that night to pay a visit, as well. It was a busy day, on the tail end of a busy week. We are so thankful. And so exhausted. Time to call it a day!

Support

Our friends and family have been extraordinarily supportive in our venture to start an organic farm. Logically it must be a difficult idea to support. Especially when we left such a stable, wonderful life in Atlanta. The outpouring of support reminds me of when we got married. We were simply two young, idealistic, dreamers utterly compelled by love. It was the last week of the summer BEFORE our senior year at Auburn. We were dying to be husband and wife. Not only did we have electric chemistry that was constantly being stifled by our steadfast promise to "wait", but we could not get enough of each other's company. Ever. Twelve hours a day just didn't seem to be enough. We wanted desperately to dwell together in every way, "one flesh". So with our parents' full approval, we took the plunge with one year left until graduation. A year later we graduated with no debt, two diplomas, good grades, a little savings, and enough earthly possessions to fill a whole one-bedroom apartment! We were so proud (or relieved!?). We waited four years to have our first baby even though everyone predicted we would be pregnant before we graduated. What a golden time in our lives!


Back to my point, even though we were two young, naive, lovebirds, not a single friend, family member, or pastor advised us against marriage! And that has been the case with our move to the farm. We are living proof that sometimes God calls us to do the illogical. To follow Him down a unique path. My Aunt sent me a message that was so encouraging and touching last week. It said,
"Renee, I thought of you and Andy this morning as I read in my daily prayer book. "Almighty God, we thank you for making the earth fruitful, so that it might produce what is needed for life: Bless those who work in the fields: give us reasonable weather; and grant that we may share all the fruits of the earth, rejoicing in your goodness." Have a great day. We love your family."

I am so thankful for the support and lovingkindness the Lord has shown to us through words like these. Thank you especially to those who have prayed for us so faithfully! Thank you, friends and family!!

Summer on a farm

Summer days on the farm require a certain rhythm. I love this aspect of living here! I am a lover of lists, "a game plan", enough routine to leave room for spontaneity...good rhythm. Here's the beat of a typical day around here:

5 am Andy sneaks out of the house, grabs some water, and heads down to the fields

6:30 My early bird boy wakes up and turns on cartoons

7:00-7:30 The rest of us wake up, more cartoons. I slip outside and work with my flowers for a half hour or so.

8:00 Breakfast

8:30 We help Andy on the fields before it gets hot.

**All times from here on out are give/take an hour**

10:00 Free hour for the kids while I get a shower and get dressed. The book worm typically reads, the computer nerd typically plays video games, and the artsy girl usually draws 52 pictures with glue and glitter, changes clothes 4 times, and gets out all the dolls and stuffed animals for a tea party.

11:00 We read the Bible together and they journal in their notebooks about the verses they heard. We discuss what they teach us about God and ourselves. We pray. We do a few chores around the house (dishes, trash, make beds, put up clean clothes...the basics).

12:00 Lunch

12:30 Swim at the country club, go somewhere fun, or run errands. Or we stay here with the slip and slide, sprinkler, etc. Andy comes inside about now to avoid triple digit heat. He might be talked into coming with us if we aren't gone too long. OR he will be getting ready for a farmer's market. We usually tag along once or twice a week on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and/or Fridays. Just depends on our plans.

4:00 Kids play or watch a movie. I clean an area of the house.

5:30 Cook dinner, they read quietly in their rooms. Andy is back out in the fields.

6:30 We eat dinner. Sometimes we take dinner as a picnic and eat with Andy. Usually he eats late.

7:00 Kids play in the sprinkler or slip and slide, trampoline, swings, four wheelers, and/or with our neighbor. We might go on a walk or a ride. We might have game or movie night with popcorn or maybe even a snow cone or some ice cream.

8:30 Showers, bed time stories, and finally sweet sleep! Andy usually comes in around this time to tuck the kids in and so we can talk about our day.

9:30 He's asleep. I snuggle in the bed with him, pull out a flashlight under the covers, and read and hang on as long as I can until I give in to sleep. (Most days I'm snoozing by 10:00! Do the math and see how much sleep I am getting in the summer. It's crazy, I know. I have boundless energy all day long!)

It amazes me how much the kids love these summer days. They said they had no desire to go to any camps this summer, their same response as last summer. They also rejected gymnastics class and swim team. They didn't want to participate in any classes or camps. Period. We will spend three weeks, spread out throughout the summer, with our best friends from Atlanta, including a beach trip and a week in Atlanta. We will spend time with new friends here. We will spend a lot of time with family, including our weekends with our cousins which we affectionately have named "Camp Stinky Feet" (boys) and "Camp Twinkle Toes" (girls). We hope to go to the zoo and the water park, have fireworks, and make home-made ice cream. We will make bi-weekly treks to the library and swim a lot at the country club. It's so simple, cheap and fun! No frills, just ten weeks of balanced play and work time, with lots of family time memories to treasure!

Summer is a beautiful, wonderful season and will end too soon!!

My happy place

This week I am filling out an application for the history teaching position I mentioned the other day. (I haven't filled out a job application in 12 years and haven't worked outside the home in 11!) Also, along the lines of jobs, I am working on a decorating project for a family member. It's actually quite extensive and will require many hours of design, shopping/ordering, and time in the space. But I am thrilled, of course, to have the artistic outlet! Meanwhile, Andy is desperate for help on the farm, and we are trying to daily help him for an hour or two in the mornings before the heat kicks in. Because of Joshua's tonsillectomy we can not swim for another week, and our neighbor friend is out of town. So the kids have quite the case of cabin fever. To give an example of how bad it is, Lydie ran around in her polka-dotted gown tonight for an hour pretending to be "Coconuts the monkey". It was really obnoxious, but we endured it for the sake of letting her release her pinned up energy. She also knocked out a dozen or more guys in a Wii boxing match. Maybe all of her energy had less to do with cabin fever and more to do with the fact that she ate Apple Jacks for dinner. My Dad was here helping on the farm this evening, which is not unusual. But tonight, he came in and sat with me for hours just to talk. By the time he left it was almost time for the kids to go to bed, and I hadn't fed them dinner, hence the Apple Jacks. These evenings together make me so thankful that we are here, with him, working together and having all this time together.

Last week was the week of daily visitors/dinner guests. It was wonderful, but slightly tiring. This week is the week of busyness at home and NO guests whatsoever. Busy or not, full house or empty, peaceful or unsteady, I have found that Gardening has become a refuge for me since we moved here. Roethke said, "deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light."I think of that quote every morning when I sneak outside, first thing, to see how the flower gardens have changed over night. I am pondering exactly what he meant and enjoying all the ways that his words may be interpreted. My little ones have learned that if they look around the house and can not find me, they should come immediately to the garden. It's my happy place.

Bounty

After all of Andy's hard, hard work, the days are finally coming to harvest. It must be so gratifying for him after 10 and 12 hours a day in the heat and dirt. I am really proud of him.

Right now we have: squash, zucchini, green beans, bell peppers, red potatoes, cucumbers, onions, garlic, and lettuce. By the end of the week we may have blueberries and tomatoes, too. And also we have lots of beautiful sunflowers! If you live in the area and would like fresh flowers or produce, come and see us at these farmer's markets:

Urban Cookhouse farmer's market in Homewood on Saturday mornings

Sylacauga farmer's market on Friday mornings

Mt. Laurel farmer's market in Birmingham on Saturday mornings

Heritage Park farmer's market in Auburn on Thursday afternoons

Opelika farmer's market on Tuesday afternoons

Leeds farmer's market on Friday afternoons

Wimpier than Jacob

I've been in a wrestling match with God the past couple of months. Did you ever read about Jacob's wrestle with God? That story terrified me when I was little. I still remember hearing it in Bible class at the small private school I attended from K-4rth grade. I can see the pictures on the felt board. As a very imaginative child, I remember feeling empathy pains in my hip.

I don't interact with God that way. My husband always encourages me to "wrestle with God", to have it out with him, so to speak. I am too big a wimp for that type of interaction with the Creator of the universe. I don't think anyone could convince me to spar with God. So instead I just plead. I say, "Deep in my gut I don't think you want this thing for me, but please, please, please could I have it?" It sounds like my four year old. It sounds childish. But I promise, I really do this.

This past week, for example, I pleaded with God to give me a peace about sending the kids to a different school. Never mind that all of the classical schools that make me squeal with delight and drool with envy are an hour or more away. Never mind that God has told me that he wants us immersed in this community. Never mind that every time I ask for guidance in His word or through fellowship with His people, I get the same message over and over again: STAY PUT. I just kept stomping my feet and digging my heels in. They are MY children after all (that beginning premise right there is where I got it wrong), and I have a vision for what kind of education and environment they need, and YOU (God) must have lead me to read all these books and talk to all these people that gave me this vision, so please just LET ME MAKE THE DRIVE! Let me have my way! I even told God (and why is this any less scary than wrestling with him??), that He has already taken away enough, could He just leave my dream alone? Maybe I didn't tell him, per se, but I thought it. Lots of times. These are crummy thoughts that lead to crummy attitudes and behaviors. I think I felt mad at everyone at some time or another.

Since we moved here to our farm, at every turn God has used other people, my devotions, His Word, personal conversations- everything at every turn- to ask me to serve Him right here. Honestly, it's been annoying. I am way out of my comfort zone. But when Jesus is Lord of your life, eventually even for a stubborn fool like me, He wins because His grace and love for me are too amazing to not change me! He melts my heart of stone and changes me! His love compels me to open up my white-knuckled fists and hand over my greatest earthly treasures- my darling children- and trust His provision. I argued with Him that some people do this and things don't turn out like they would like. They have a child or children who rebel. But I know deep down that an environment doesn't draw a child to Christ. That happens only by the very Spirit of God and it can't be thwarted by a school decision, that's for sure.

So we will press on where we are. We will not make a daily commute to Birmingham to attend a top dollar, classical Christian school. Instead, we will commit ourselves to our small, traditional Christian school. (Which is still a good school, by the way.) We will pray for good conversations while the children take dance, golf, and basketball in town and we will follow God's prompting to visit the sick and elderly on this quiet country road. This week I will ask to be considered as a candidate for the 5th-8th grade history teaching position. (Crazy right? Three months ago I was a homeschooling mom. Now I am considering a teaching job.) I also hope to teach art history and art. We will join committees and share ideas. We will pray for teachers, parents, grandparents, and children. We are conceding to follow Christ. But we will take our educational philosophies/passions with us! :) We will host lots of bonfires, parties, hayrides, and guests at our farmhouse. We will dive in.

I do not want to compare, contrast, and plead. This is our new community and it is our great honor to love and be loved right here! It never amazes me what a sinner in need of grace I am. Deep down I think I know what is best for my family when I have the Living God as a companion! I taste the riches of His grace, yet I still desire a self-centered life as opposed to one that makes sacrifices in order to serve! And He still loves me! The greatest way to see the depth of the love of Christ is to just look inside myself at what He has redeemed and rescued!! When I do that, I don't want to fight Him. I truly want to follow Him. As our former pastor said once, "God's grace awakens holy fear."

Here are some verses that keep popping up:

"Has not God chosen the poor in the world to be rich in faith and to be heirs of the kingdom that he has promised to those who love him?"

James 2:5b

"Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing.."

Luke 10:41b-42a

"All our fret and worry is caused by calculating without God."

Oswald Chambers

**"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin."**

Zechariah 4:10

And our pastor quoted Tim Keller today, "You either have to kill Jesus or crown Him."

A week (no adjective seems appropriate)

We cut our first batch of sunflowers last night. Marie was here to help me, which was really fun because she and a friend planted them as seeds in March. We were thrilled to see her and her Mom last night on their way home from a college visit. (She will only be an hour away next year!) There weren't enough sunflowers for the farmer's market this week. But next week there will be plenty! Andy and Jack are off to our first farmer's market this morning in Homewood. We will have much more produce next week. Everything is just starting to be ready to harvest. But if you live in the Birmingham area, go and check out the downtown Homewood market in the Soho parking lot! Look for a handsome farmer and his cute son with a "Back Home Farm" banner.

Last weekend we saw friends from college and their adorable two boys for the first time in ten years! They are working on the farm's website for us. Their passion for the Lord is contagious and I really enjoyed our time with them. We have many similarities and I think the next ten years will be even more interesting for both of our families! (But hopefully we won't wait that long to share our stories again!)

We also had our pastor and his wife and baby over for Memorial day ribs and bbq. Lydie loves the baby (see photo). And we loved the fellowship. Some how, even though we are in the middle of this rural area, we seem to have regular visitors. It's a gift from God, for sure.

Another highlight was on Wednesday when Jack invited his class over for an end of the year party. Unfortunately the boys in his class (there's only two besides him) were unavailable. But the girls (three out of four) were here. They enjoyed snow cones and the slip-n-slide. And Jack didn't complain a bit about being the only boy. He's definitely turning into a pre-teen. This scenario would have been devastating a year ago! (Andy had to work during the party. So I only took a few pictures!)

Still processing the death of our RUF pastor from college. We were told the wrong time for the Memorial service and missed the entire thing last Saturday. We did redeem the night with dinner in Homewood at Urban Cookhouse and a night alone away from the farm. It was long over due. The occasion wasn't ideal for a date. But beggars can't be choosers.

Still watching our Joshua closely, as he had his tonsils removed on Thursday. He might be the strongest trooper I've ever been around. No tears, no complaints. What a good, strong determination the Lord has grown in him.

The ugly truth...This has been the toughest week for me, BY FAR, since we moved here. I have been overwhelmed with the grief of what we have left behind and the differences here. It's felt particularly heavy, like literal weight on my chest. It's hard to function with a weight this heavy! In fact, I have felt like this all might just be impossible for me to embrace. (But those are just feelings and not reality.) We have moved many times. But we have never had a move where every aspect of our lives changed in such an extreme way. And we have never moved anywhere that we didn't choose together. It often feels like we have entered a foreign country and there is nothing familiar to cling to. (But, thank God, we are not lacking kind people. And that's something for which to praise God!) The children and Andy seem to be trucking ahead with no problem, which is wonderful. We have big decisions to make regarding schooling for next year. Decisions, always. Praying for a new, bright, fresh start for next week. His mercies never fail. For this next week I am going to memorize the following verse. I pray I can live it out, by God's grace alone. And I know that if I don't listen to the Enemy, I will soon see the hand of God in it all. Just need to wait on the Lord now.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer."

Romans 12:12