Today I was looking back at my journal from last year. I found this entry which I wrote during the midst of last year's holiday season. Our entire family had the stomach bug and one day later my marriage came under major fire. Any way, here it is. I hope it can encourage someone out there who is bogged down and weary.
December 22, 2005
Choosing joy...that's the theme of the day. Yesterday I was prepared to enter a very negative blog. I was struggling with so many heavy burdens, one of which is another virus creeping through our family. I am weary from sickness.
But I woke up with a fresh perspective. My family's wellbeing relies much on my attitude. "If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy!" This quote is very true under our roof, especially when someone is sick. I definitely set the tone. I have found that when things are particularly yucky and everyone is down, I make or break the day around here. Yesterday I was sulking. I was asking God, "Is it too much to ask for healthy kids?" and "Please...Give me a break!!", etc.
This morning I realized that the here and now, sickness and weariness, this is where God has chosen to put me, and he asks me to be full of joy, hope and love towards Him and my family. If my happiness hinges on my comfort and getting my own way, then I need to realign my heart with God's. He has never promised me physical comfort or my own way. He promises me joy upon joys if I can rely on Him and remind myself of who I am in Him, what He has done for me by saving me, and the blessings he has given me in sharing my journey with my children and husband. Really, His grace is so amazing.
I guess through the cough syrup, vomit, Motrin and countless hours of backrubs and Thomas the Train movies, I have found the meaning of Christmas. The wonder of feeling completely loved and honored among circumstances that are bleak and out of my control. Doesn't God work in mysterious ways? I love him so much! Merry Christmas!
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