But He did...

It all started when...the kids and I took a long walk around the neighborhood and collected leaves. Then we dipped them in wax to preserve them. We decided after dinner to write a list of the things for which we feel thankful this year. What a precious list! I hope to somehow write the items on the leaves and hang a garland in the kitchen to enjoy for the next week or two.

We got so swept away, that I had to rush the kids into the bath and we left the house a wreck. I had an hour while I was cleaning to think about our time together. I kept coming back to the phrase, "But He did! He did!" This phrase marks the significant events in my life as I look back and see God's gracious work time and time again.

I was a rebel in high school. I drank, had awful language, a sassy attitude, and basically held only two cares in the world: what I looked like, and what people thought of me. Even worse, I hid behind a neat, sweet, seemingly happy little package. I had wonderful manners, good grades, and joined all the right clubs and teams. I was a fraud and hated myself. Sometime between my senior trip and settling into summer God melted my heart of stone and I fell completely in love with Him, almost over night. He used a simple testimony to change my life just before my parents sent me to college. And, despite my rebelliousness he preserved me in so many ways in regards to safety, purity, and innocence- even in my selfishness all those years. I can't imagine why...but He did!

I look at my marriage to my husband. For the first time in my life, I had no desire to receive attention from boys. I was completely captivated with Christ and on a mission to spread the Word. I met my Andy the first weekend of college. We had a Christ-centered, easy, passionate relationship. Miraculous. He absolutely did not have to give me this relationship. I did not deserve it, nor did I even desire it, but He did!

:::My man on the way home from Cracker Barrel...candy cane and robotics...it's all good!:::


With the birth of each child I can see how He blessed me in ways that I could hardly imagine. Our first son was suspected of Asperger's and diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder and Motor Apraxia. He was supposed to be awkward, void of humor, repetitive and fixated- for starters. He was so severely limited in certain ways as a toddler. His future and ours was questionable. He is now a spiritual leader, bright, hilarious, and kids love him. In fact, he seems to be the kid that everyone wants to be with. He's honest and loyal and tender-hearted. He's everything and more that I would want in a son. God didn't have to heal our beautiful boy...but He did!

:::Jaybird cracks a joke with a 101 fever and strep throat:::

And soon after, He gave us the sweetest, most adorable, easy baby boy. Right in the midst of tests and devastating news with Jaybird, our little Toot was born. We never asked for Him. In fact, we were planning to wait a good while for any more children with the special needs we thought we were facing. But God gave us the most precious blessing, and Jaybird a best friend that I am sure aided in his healing process. When I was working on the hours of home therapy with J, Toot was cooing and smiling and requiring very little from us. He was a giver, that sweet boy. He has dimples, and loves to kiss and hug, and is so joyful. And we never even asked for him!

:::Oh, the dimples!:::

Later Lydie came. A girl, my daughter. My secret longing fulfilled. Not only a girl, but a sweet little friend. We have the same personality, interests, and love languages. She is emotional and demanding, but I completely understand her. She is femininity personified. My girl is beauty and strength all shaken together. She is quite certain that she is loved and royal and everything the four of us dreamed of. Our daily prayer for her is that she love others as much as herself. That would be powerful, let me tell you! But we love and adore her...He just keeps giving!

:::One of many love letters she authored today. This one said, "Mama, you cute and I wanna kiss you.:::

The list goes on and on. I find myself equally thankful for the pitfalls we have had. You can not look at a boy that is in karate or riding his bike and begin to cry until you have heard "autistic spectrum" and "uncertain future". You might not feel thrilled to serve your husband coffee in bed when he is sick unless you watched your marriage almost crumble, but instead be slowly and painfully built into something extraordinarily beautiful. When your daughter is having a temper tantrum over what to wear, you might not find it laughable and squeeze her into giggles unless you thought she would never be after experiencing a heartbreaking miscarriage. And if you did not experience the love and grace of Christ until you were a teenager, you might not skip and dance all day when your children express sorrow over their sin and confident love for their Savior. Sometimes His grace makes me bubble over, as it should.

:::Lovely chaos! My boys were assigned kitchen duty and this was their idea of "a perfectly clean kitchen"!:::

I have witnessed it in so many ways. He never forsakes me. He never ceases to love and bless me with the joy of knowing Him. When I count my blessings my heart bows in worship at the way He gives beyond measure to such an undeserving servant. And when I count my losses (painful marital strife, death, uncertain health diagnosis, broken relationships, financial problems, etc.), they are incomparable to the Joy of knowing Him and seeing Him known in my home. Life is full, beautiful, adventurous, loud and messy (but some how peaceful) with Jesus. I do not deserve to be "in the game". I am a selfish sinner in need of grace every day to turn my eyes away from myself and towards Jesus. That He gives me the opportunity to love and care for the people in my life makes me feel humbly giddy! I want to keep looking at His life, what He has redeemed in mine, and what He promises in the future. I can not believe what He has made me a part of.

Romans 7:24-25

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Psalm 118:1,5

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!... Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. ...