One month old

#3 is a month old! We went to the doctor today due to reflex. She got the same medicine that both of the boys had. Thankfully, she doesn't seem to be too fussy with it. And she is gaining weight fine despite the fact that she spits up everything! She weighs 10 pounds, 7 ounces already! Time is flying by. More later about our beach trip and why the kids and I came back 4 days early?! It was not exactly fun, but we had fun moments and we survived.

Let's not call it a vacation, let's call it an adventure

Signing off for the next 10 days. We are going to the beach. That's right, the beach. My man is speaking at a conference and the thought of being here without him for a week and a half was just too much. So "they" are paying for all of us to come along. I am not the adventurous spirit that many of you are so I am quite anxious. I wish so badly that I was a spontaneous mommy. I have never traveled with a newborn, except to see family a few hours away. I don't think we've ever even taken a family vacation for longer than 6 or 7 days. But we are going, and by golly it will be okay. I have already been reprimanded by my man for expecting the worst. I am usually a cup half full kindof girl, so he is baffled. So pray for us! I don't look to have a "vacation", I just want everyone to be happy and stay healthy. I sound so ungrateful, yikes!

The dinosaur kisses the princess

#1 has been doing a lot of reading about amusement parks. His obsession started in September when his Mimi announced to him that she and Papa are taking the whole family to Disney World next year. He immediately devoted his 20 minutes of computer time to researching every website he could find on Disney. His Papa recently bought him a kids' guide to Disney World. He received it this weekend and has already read it numerous times cover to cover. He has a mental agenda for our entire week at Disney. He knows which gift shops and restaurants come highly recommended. He knows which rides we want to get "fast passes" to ride. It is hilarious what he has planned. He has actually prayed to be 7 years old so that he can go to Disney. He also wants to go to Legoland in California. Somehow, in all of the hoopla, he discovered that website, too.

Well, yesterday I just could not take another conversation with him about Disney World. I did not want to hear again about Space Mountain. I did not want to be asked to tell him again about my memories of my last Disney trip. So I asked him to think of his own imaginary amusement park. I told him to go and dream it up and come back to me with fresh conversation. He quickly came back and said, "No girls allowed!" "What's that?", I asked. "That's the name of my amusement park." He is now in a dinosaur costume. "See, there will be scary stuff and roller coasters and dinosaurs." He then hears little #3 moan. He leans over to kiss her and quietly says, "Okay, there can be one princess playground...But that's it!!", and he leans over and kisses her. Sweet sisters change everything!

I've been thinking...

about my long term goals as a mom. I have been talking a lot lately to a good friend who has deep scars from childhood. This person has a well-intentioned, Christian mom. But her parenting was not very interactive or nurturning and the effects have been long-lasting. All of the conversations that I have had with this person have inspired me to think ahead. And then today I read a quote by George Washington that said, "My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her." Could you imagine your child saying that about you when he grows into an adult? A few years ago I read a collection of love letters that George and Martha Washington exchanged during the Revolutionary War. His love for her was so precious, and yet he says that his mother was the most beautiful women he ever saw. She must have been a wonderful, loving, amazing mother.

As I think about my little darlings, I have so many hopes and dreams for them. My greatest desire is for them to have a deep love and zeal for the Lord Jesus. I pray that their love for Him will be the cornerstone of their lives. That should be paramount for any Christian parent. So I have been thinking beyond that to what makes our little family unique and how I can be purposeful in striving toward that end. I can't put my desires into words yet except that I hope and pray that we will always be deeply knit. That we will always share on a deep level the joys and trials of life. I hope that my children can have the respect and love for me that will bind us together for a life time. I pray that they will look fondly back on their childhood and feel blessed by it. Hmm, I'm still trying to find the words. After countless hours of nursing my little sweetheart, I've just been thinking...

Kisses

We counted the other day...#2 kissed the baby 31 times from dawn til dusk. What a blessing.

Our first outing, just us girls

It's funny how I feel with this new baby. I guess because there is a four year gap between #2 and #3, and because I have never had a girl, I really feel like a new mom in many ways. This past Friday was a prime example. I took the baby to her 2 week check-up. I was actually nervous to see if she is gaining weight. It's so silly! But with breastfeeding, who knows how much milk they are getting? And she is sometimes going 4 hours between feedings and I did NOT want the doctor to tell me to wake her up to feed. Thankfully, she is gaining well. The picture above is what she wore to the dr. appointment. We have all of these adorable newborn size outfits and I don't want her to outgrow them, so we took the outing as an opportunity to wear something fancy. It really is fun dressing little girls.

Most embarassing moment

So, I shared my most shameful post-partum moment with my best friend tonight and I thought why not give you all a laugh, too. Yesterday, or maybe the day before, I asked my mom to listen out for the boys while I took a nap. Let me back up, I have a love/hate relationship with our master-on-the-main. I love it except when I am looking for quiet time. So, back to the story, I tried to ignore screaming, dump trucks rolling loudly down the hardwood foyer outside my door, the sound of little boys loudly imitating jets, car motors, monsters, etc. until I had had enough! I storm out the door and begin to lecture them on being respectful of others, that they are not the only two people in the family and they need to think of mommy too, etc. I notice my oldest is not looking at me in the face and I feel even more disrespected. I say in my sternest mommy voice, "You better look at my eyes when I'm talking to you!!" Just then I look down and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I had fallen asleep nursing the baby. I had on a nursing shirt and my right bre*st is just hanging out for all the world to see. My husband wonders if they will be scarred for life! I hope not. It sure is funny now in hindsight!

A new day

Today was a wonderful day. I ended my yuck day yesterday in prayer. When I woke up this morning I had to face the music, literally. The boys have an early music class on Tuesdays so I had to be up and at 'em by 6:45. I actually love being in a hot shower before the kids are awake. What a great time for prayer and clarity. And the baby decided to go 4 hours between each feeding during the night! I started the day feeling better.

Today I knew we had a morning planned away from home and I wondered how the baby would do. I hated to get her out so soon. But the day was amazing. While the kids went to their music class, I nursed her in a chapel. It was dark and quiet and peaceful. Then she slept while we played on the playground with friends. I saw one of my dearest friends for the first time in a month and the fellowship was so nice. On the way home the most AMAZING moment of my day happened, it was a huge answer to prayer. My man called and asked if my mom could eat lunch with the kids and give us some time to have a date lunch together (with #3 in tow, of course.) I knew she would need to nurse right in the middle of lunch, but so what, I was game! We had the sweetest time together. Nothing romantic, just two best friends soaking up one another's company. I needed it SO much. I think my biggest problem yesterday was that my "love tank" was completely on empty. It had been too long since I had some cuddles and quality time with my sweetheart. The timing was perfect. The baby slept through the entire lunch, so it was more than I could have expected!

When we got home I knew we needed to have homeschool. On Tuesdays we do school in the afternoon which is not the best time for my boys to focus. It turned out to be a really great day in school. They did well and the baby slept through all four lessons. She must be going through her first growth spurt. She is eating like a little pig when she nurses, staying awake about 15 more minutes and then she is sleeping for 2 or more hours. Anyway, God was gracious to allow the events of the day to go so smoothly. It was convicting for me to see that life is so full of blessing and joy and that my melodrama is really silly. I am a thankful momma tonight.

The dreaded hormones

Today the post partum hormones have surged. Ugg. I should have seen this coming. Today was a day full of doubts and fears...all day long! The baby would fuss after a feeding and I would secretly wonder, "Could this be the beginning of colic??" It was our first day to homeschool since we welcomed our new little one into the family and the lessons went really well, but I still wondered why in the world I had willingly chosen this for us this year. It seemed like too much today. Even though I am down 20 pounds, I still have 13 to go to be back to pre-baby weight. I wondered as I took a 1/2 mile walk and became winded if I would ever get "my body" back. I watched my mom cook dinner #10 for us and wondered how in the world I would manage dinner next week when she leaves. My man chose to play his Play Station football game tonight after the kids went to bed and I wondered why he would choose to do that over be with me.

The pattern here is not good, I know. I'm blaming it on the hormones. I am going to go and pray that God would give me a deep sense of the impact I am making on my children for eternity. I am going to pray that He will fill me with a deep sense of His love and calling for me. I am going to pray that He will take every thought captive. And, I'm not gonna lie, I am going to lay all of these requests before Him. And I am going to pray that He will help me to be realistic. The baby is only 11 days old. I think I have just been looking so forward to feeling good that I am rushing into everything. I'm exhausted!