It has been an adventurous, glorious, roller coaster the past four years. I have felt so certainly called to be primary teacher to my kids. And I think, although I see weaknesses and faults in my abilities, we have all learned a lot together. I know by the government's standards we are doing well because the boys absolutely ACED their standardized tests. I question more whether I have taught them all that I can about Christ and walking with Him. THAT is the important question!
It has, by far, been our busiest year yet!
Academically, Jackson and Joshua's 5th and 3rd grade years...
Math: Lessons 1-150 in Horizons 5 (or 3)/ many multiplication and division drills/ 1-2 hours every day of hard work
Grammar: Lessons 1-150 of BJU Press 5 (or 3)/ 7 major writing assignments/ much chanting/singing of grammar memory work
Spelling: 32 lists and tests from Abeka 5 (or 3)
Logic: 40 middle school level puzzles solved
Latin: Completed English from the Roots Up
Geography: Map skills book completed/geography of Europe and Asia as we studied the wars of the 1900s History: Sonlight, Core E completed (1800s and 1900s) In our 4 years to homeschool, we studied Creation through today!
Science: Completed Christian Kids Explore Chemistry/ weekly science experiments
Reading: Read 31 chapter books from the Sonlight Core E course! VERY impressive!
Art: Drew many historical subjects: Mt. Rushmore, M.L. King, world war I soldier, etc. from the Draw Through History series. Also took a fabulous art class!
Bible: Lots of reading and Who Is God? from Apologia
What a year we have had. I have two very bright, hard-working sons. I am so honored and proud!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Struggling
This weekend has been extremely difficult. Really missing our "old life" and really feeling out of place here. So many fun things going on for the children. I do not know why it has hit me so hard. But I have been really struggling. The people who surround us here have such radically different worldviews, it is sometimes very hard to understand. Maybe I am just weary from putting in so many hours in the car, getting the children to the classes/places that they need to go. But at the same time, I want to be in the car. Because if not, that means I am here, often times feeling lonely and sometimes still reeling from the fact that I am living here. I have plenty to fill my days, yet I am completely out of my element. And often times Andy is working, or falling asleep as I am desperately trying to explain all this to him. Except this weekend when he got a major ear full. And really, what good does that do?
I feel really selfish and guilty for letting this move effect me in such a deep way, STILL, after over a year. I know there are people with far, FAR greater woes than mine. But still, in my heart and mind, it feels like a real trial. In fact, it feels like one of the most difficult trials in my life. I am looking forward to the fall when the kids and I will be involved in such an amazing school. I just hope we can keep up with the pace of a very challenging school, outside activities, and 2 hours a day in the car. It's a lot of responsibility and a little overwhelming to think about. But I think we can do it and I look forward to the change, even with its challenges.
It just seems so very hard to combine what we love into one life together. And in my own weakness and selfishness, I am tired of all that this requires of me. I feel so vulnerable sharing these feelings. But someone out there may take comfort in the fact that even the sweetest relationships are filled with difficulties, if we are honest with ourselves. Marriage, with all of its beauty, can be very hard. Life, with all of its beauty, can be very hard. This is the essence of wearing flesh and living here (not here as in rural Alabama, but here on earth). :)
Nonetheless, I know that being a Christ-follower is about seeking His glory and pushing through the difficulties, with eyes fixed on Jesus and not myself. In Him and through Him I can move forward and give of myself as He asks me to. He is the prize and not my current happiness. Seeking his joy and peace today. And until I receive it, marching forward into whatever today brings, knowing that it is one step closer to Jesus. Praying He can be glorified in this messy life of mine! Lord, help me live out these words...
I feel really selfish and guilty for letting this move effect me in such a deep way, STILL, after over a year. I know there are people with far, FAR greater woes than mine. But still, in my heart and mind, it feels like a real trial. In fact, it feels like one of the most difficult trials in my life. I am looking forward to the fall when the kids and I will be involved in such an amazing school. I just hope we can keep up with the pace of a very challenging school, outside activities, and 2 hours a day in the car. It's a lot of responsibility and a little overwhelming to think about. But I think we can do it and I look forward to the change, even with its challenges.
It just seems so very hard to combine what we love into one life together. And in my own weakness and selfishness, I am tired of all that this requires of me. I feel so vulnerable sharing these feelings. But someone out there may take comfort in the fact that even the sweetest relationships are filled with difficulties, if we are honest with ourselves. Marriage, with all of its beauty, can be very hard. Life, with all of its beauty, can be very hard. This is the essence of wearing flesh and living here (not here as in rural Alabama, but here on earth). :)
Nonetheless, I know that being a Christ-follower is about seeking His glory and pushing through the difficulties, with eyes fixed on Jesus and not myself. In Him and through Him I can move forward and give of myself as He asks me to. He is the prize and not my current happiness. Seeking his joy and peace today. And until I receive it, marching forward into whatever today brings, knowing that it is one step closer to Jesus. Praying He can be glorified in this messy life of mine! Lord, help me live out these words...
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for each other."
I John 3:16
"May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."
John 17:23
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Her favorite
Lydia Joy has made it plain and clear to me that gymnastics is her favorite thing. She really, REALLY squeals and jumps when it is Monday. I am still not sure if it is because she gets to socialize more (while waiting in line at each apparatus), or if it is a true love for the sport. But either way, she has had so much fun.
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| Lydie with her medal! |
As I wrote a few posts ago, she was not able to be a part of the last gymnastics meet. But last night was her end-of-the-year show. She did such a great job! She even volunteered to open the entire show, being the first to do her floor routine!
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| During her floor routine |
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| With her friends from class. Next to the smallest, of course. |
Before this year, she had never taken gymnastics and could only do a forward roll. In class this year she learned to do a back bend, a backward roll, a cart wheel, a head and hand stand, mount the bars and beam, and so many other little skills. She has been faithfully practicing at home and doing lots of sit-ups and push-ups. It is fun to see her excitement and dedication. Her ultimate goal is to be a cheerleader. :) There really is no way to describe how fun it is to watch your own children do well at something they enjoy. Her gymnastics teacher's prayer is that the discipline used in class will carry over into every area of their lfe. That is my prayer, as well.
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| Dad came to the show and then took us to Pizza Hut afterwards. Thanks, Poppy! |
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| She couldn't even walk across the beam without holding her teacher's hand. So proud of her progress! |
Mother's Day
I had a sweet day this year. Roses, gift card, breakfast in bed, and sweet notes from everyone. After a wonderful service at church, we met both sets of grandparents and my brother and sister in law and their kids at The Melting Pot. I love a meal at this restaurant because it takes several hours to get through all the courses leaving time to talk to everyone. Funny thing, my Mom picked out the exact gift for me that I gave her- a potted geranium! And my Mother-in-law gave me an owl for my new classroom, which was so thoughtful. It is so nice to feel appreciated. That evening we sat around and allowed ourselves to be completely lazy- reading, playing the Wii, and chatting. I feel so overjoyed for the privilege to parent these three amazing people and to have a Mom and Mother-in-law who love us.
The children's cards were all darling. Here is what Jackson's said:
Isn't that the sweetest? Hope all the Moms out there felt celebrated! (**Pictures to come**)
The children's cards were all darling. Here is what Jackson's said:
Dear Mom.
Let me count all the things I love about you.
1. You really, really, REALLY like hugs!
2. You are passionate about cursive and history.
3. You are very good at multi-tasking. (He inserted a picture of Lydie crying, Josh saying his finger hurts, and Jack asking for help with math.) :)
4. You are loving and caring. (He drew a caption of himself saying he lost his spelling book and me saying, "That's okay, dear."
5. You can draw a mean Garfield.
6. You are good to have on a basketball team. (With a picture of me playing basketball with Andy, shoving him and telling him, "You're in my way!!")
7. You make really, really good food.
And most importantly...You're MOM!
Isn't that the sweetest? Hope all the Moms out there felt celebrated! (**Pictures to come**)
"I desire to be a Mother, if only to give food to the craving activity of my soul. Maternity is an enterprise in which I have opened an enormous stake...Motherhood will develop my energy, enlarge my heart, and compensate me for all things by infinite joys!"
-Honore de Balzac
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Conquering Fears: Lydie's Ballet Recital
When we came back from our big ski trip in January, Lydie went through a strange phase for about a month. She cried any time she had to be away from me. Even if she could see me in the waiting room at ballet or gymnastics, she cried. It was really unlike her and difficult for us both. Of course, most people attributed it to the fact that she is not in preschool, and consequently she is "around me too much".
But knowing her ability to be so flexible and eager before, I knew that was not a rational explanation. So I tried to meet each situation in prayer, with the need to discern as each week passed how best to walk her through her fears. At times this meant sitting in the room at ballet. And at others it meant telling her that her fears were irrational and that we would pray together and then I expected her to meet a new goal. Eventually, after 6 weeks or so it passed.
During those weeks she had her first gymnastics meet. Actually, it was right after our trip. And she wanted so badly to earn a trophy and do well for her teachers. But her fear to be away from me and in front of so many strangers won, and she just couldn't go out and do her routines. We had to leave empty handed.
But knowing her ability to be so flexible and eager before, I knew that was not a rational explanation. So I tried to meet each situation in prayer, with the need to discern as each week passed how best to walk her through her fears. At times this meant sitting in the room at ballet. And at others it meant telling her that her fears were irrational and that we would pray together and then I expected her to meet a new goal. Eventually, after 6 weeks or so it passed.
During those weeks she had her first gymnastics meet. Actually, it was right after our trip. And she wanted so badly to earn a trophy and do well for her teachers. But her fear to be away from me and in front of so many strangers won, and she just couldn't go out and do her routines. We had to leave empty handed.
Well, yesterday was her ballet recital. Now granted, that gymnastics meet was in January, many months ago. But still, I remember how awful it was for all of us. And I was a little nervous that those fears would rear their ugly heads. But thankfully, they did not! She got on stage and danced her little heart out. She was so excited, and even though she was nervous (it was a packed auditorium and quite intimidating), she controlled her fears and remembered all that her teacher and we had taught her. It was glorious! God is so faithful. And he gave us just the right name for our girl- Lydia, meaning "strong and beautiful". He shows us his power and beauty again and again through the life of our girl. What a gift.
Unfortunately, my mean, old computer has lost all of the pictures from the recital except this one. This is Lydie with her ballet teacher, post-recital. She danced to "Take My Life and Let It Be" for her ballet routine, and a Tinkerbell song for jazz. It was so darling!
Unfortunately, my mean, old computer has lost all of the pictures from the recital except this one. This is Lydie with her ballet teacher, post-recital. She danced to "Take My Life and Let It Be" for her ballet routine, and a Tinkerbell song for jazz. It was so darling!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
The luxury of date night
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| The only pictures we have together are always these very unflattering, super-close-up shots we take of ourselves. This one was in the car post-dinner, pre-concert. |
Thursday evening we enjoyed a real treat. Our friends invited us to dinner and a concert in Birmingham. I thought it might be a little much for Andy to have a late night during the week. (He has worked 5 am til 7 pm lately on the farm.) But he insisted we go because our friends arranged childcare at their house. It was such a luxury, sitting around holding hands with Andy, a babysitter watching the kids, adult conversation with our friends. Not to mention the amazing French restaurant (Shez Fon Fon) with a great table out on the patio, cool weather, and later drinks and the music of Sandra McCracken at Workplay. What a perfect date night! Thankful for God's provision through friends who convince us to get out and enjoy. And so thankful for my handsome guy.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Our smallness
"God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him."
John Piper
God has been putting a reoccurring theme in my life lately. And that theme is that I am so very small, and He is so very big. I have been asked to pray for so many people lately who have suffered or are in the midst of great suffering. The husband whose wife shattered the bones and damaged the organs along the entire left side of her body, tip to top, in a car accident. Also, a couple of cases of traumatic brain injury, one to the college student in a car accident and one to the high school student in a golf cart accident. Mom as she continues to recover from surgeries and chemotherapy. The list goes on and on and reminds me of what a blessing good health is and how it should be cherished. And it also reminds me that I am not in control.
As I pray and look ahead to the fall where I will have less influence and time with my children, I feel so small. I realize how many new challenges will be a part of their lives that they have only experienced on a small level. Some include peer pressure, more of an emphasis on grades/performance, etc. Although I feel like we are being called to make this change, and I am so, SO excited, I realize how little I can control. Even in the most conducive atmosphere to godly friendships (wonderful Christian school), I cannot control many things that they will experience in their personal relationships. And the good thing is, I am not called to do the impossible.
I am called to point them to Jesus, but I am not their Savior. I am to teach them that this life is not about them (getting their way, putting themselves first, acquiring stuff, etc.), it is about the glory of God. I am called to fill my speech with His grace, be sorrowful and prayerful over my sin and theirs, point them to God's Word and other means of grace, and pray for them all the time. I can pray for them to repent and turn from their sin, but I am not their Redeemer.
Sometimes I forget my priorities. I think about what they are wearing or involved in as my priority for the day. Do they look nice? Should we go to this camp? Some days I put the temporal ahead of the eternal. Instead of seeing the times that they sin as opportunities to point them to the gospel (both through gentle mentorship and firm consequences), I feel angry with them instead of compassionate and sad. I cannot control their hearts. They are sinners, just like their Mama. We are in this journey of sanctification together, and it is a serious, daily battle. I am so little, He is so big. I have so little control.
But the more time I spend with Jesus, the more I realize how comforting it is. I am little and there are many things that I really want to turn out a certain way. But He is in control of the universe! And He is glorious, all-knowing, and wise. He knows the number of hairs on our heads, every detail of our hearts and minds. And we are created for Him, for His glory, not our own. It is so freeing to just let go and trust a Big God. And it is nice to know that when I fret again, He will still be merciful and kind to me, His beloved.
Psalm 100
Make a joyful noise to the Lord
All the land.
Serve the Lord with gladness.
Come into His presence with singing.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is He who made us and not ourselves.
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him and bless His name.
The Lord is good.
His mercy is everlasting,
And His truth endures to all generations.
Sunday, May 06, 2012
Ladies at the lake
Yesterday some ladies at our church went to the lake for the day. Something I have noted for the last five years or so is that ladies with more life experience (older) are so much more fun, blunt, and easy going. One lady read a poem about the ABCs of getting older that was hilarious. I laughed a lot and really enjoyed a day of yummy foods, laughing, and just sitting around talking.
I love all of the perspectives of a group with various ages. There were talks of everything from pregnancy to being a widow. Such precious time. I am sure I will find a lot of friendships and mentors here.
Big news around here...after three weeks on the market our Atlanta house is under contract!! To God be the glory for this answered prayer. Looks like both of our concerns financially will be answered. We only had to come down $1000 from our asking price and we only paid 2 months of mortgage payments (renters moved out in April). We are amazed and humbled. I honestly believe God allowed us to rent the house to our friends the past year because I would have been devastated to sell it and close that chapter of our lives a year, or even a few months, ago. But now that I have so many wonderful things and people to love here, I feel ready to let it go and move on. And of course, he wanted our friends to live there during that time for reasons that their family needed.
A sweet young couple is buying it- it will be their first house. Cannot wait to meet them. The years in "the white house" were the best I have lived so far. I am hopeful that soon that will change and the farmhouse will hold memories of our sweetest years. Cannot wait to find out! Also this weekend celebrated my handsome nephew's birthday. The big ELEVEN! Unbelievable.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012
A prayer for May
OVERWHELMED, ANXIOUS, CHAOTIC...
This describes how I feel this morning beginning the exciting, yet impossibly full, month of May (and then the summer months, too). I feel like God has given us wonderful, purposeful things to do. But I am not sure how to do them all (and have time for sleep).
Saw this verse this morning that helped me heart quit racing and calm down a little:
"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us- yes, establish the work of our hands."
Proverbs 90:12,17
So magnificent Father, establish the work of this day and the 30 that follow. Show me how to support my husband as he harvests and takes his first delivery of vegetables to our CSA in Atlanta. Show me how to keep the boys on track in order to finish school on time. Show me when to say yes...there are so many fun things they want to do with friends. And so far, I have said yes to every single one. Is this wise? Show me how to love my little girl well, as she is by my side the whole day long and sometimes I get tired of talking and cuddling, even though she is darling and her requests are usually reasonable. Lord, show me how to feed my family well, even though this requires cooking and baking that I often do not feel like I can give any more time or energy to. Equip me to do what you have called me to do with energy and passion! Help me, Lord, to be responsible, keeping my calendar and commitments straight. And when I disappoint, please gift others with grace. Remind me gently to be thankful and not anxious. All of these friendships and activities are a gift we have asked for. Help us to finish them all well, remembering all that is needed to wrap up each thing we have been involved in. Lord, there are so many extra details almost every day of May. So much to do and remember.
And Lord provide the time I need to gather for the flea market, prepare clothes for the consignment sale, prepare books for the book sale, help Mom decorate, and sew those pillows for the money we need to start the next school year. So much to buy, such a tight budget! And now is the time to start working towards all the money that will be needed. And thank you Lord that as I type, a couple is preparing an offer on our Atlanta house. Please allow it to be THE ONE!
In the bustle of birthday parties, field trips, spend the night parties, and all of the end of the year parties and recitals and programs, help us to remember those in need, too. Help us not to be completely full of ourselves. Remind me, when I am overwhelmed, that our neighbors and people in our church body, are hurting and need us. Remind me to visit the neighbor who lost her husband. Remind me to make the meal for the couple who is stuck at home. Remind me to invite the friend over for dinner whose husband travels. Because it really is yucky to just focus on ourselves. Not just yucky, but empty.
Show me when to stop everything and help my husband. Let me not do it out of guilt or compulsion, but help me to hear your voice and follow you, and to love this incredible man well. In all these things, show me how to follow you. You are our Rock, and we labor in vain without you to lead our way. Be glorified in our chaos because we love you and live for you!
This describes how I feel this morning beginning the exciting, yet impossibly full, month of May (and then the summer months, too). I feel like God has given us wonderful, purposeful things to do. But I am not sure how to do them all (and have time for sleep).
Saw this verse this morning that helped me heart quit racing and calm down a little:
"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us- yes, establish the work of our hands."
Proverbs 90:12,17
So magnificent Father, establish the work of this day and the 30 that follow. Show me how to support my husband as he harvests and takes his first delivery of vegetables to our CSA in Atlanta. Show me how to keep the boys on track in order to finish school on time. Show me when to say yes...there are so many fun things they want to do with friends. And so far, I have said yes to every single one. Is this wise? Show me how to love my little girl well, as she is by my side the whole day long and sometimes I get tired of talking and cuddling, even though she is darling and her requests are usually reasonable. Lord, show me how to feed my family well, even though this requires cooking and baking that I often do not feel like I can give any more time or energy to. Equip me to do what you have called me to do with energy and passion! Help me, Lord, to be responsible, keeping my calendar and commitments straight. And when I disappoint, please gift others with grace. Remind me gently to be thankful and not anxious. All of these friendships and activities are a gift we have asked for. Help us to finish them all well, remembering all that is needed to wrap up each thing we have been involved in. Lord, there are so many extra details almost every day of May. So much to do and remember.
And Lord provide the time I need to gather for the flea market, prepare clothes for the consignment sale, prepare books for the book sale, help Mom decorate, and sew those pillows for the money we need to start the next school year. So much to buy, such a tight budget! And now is the time to start working towards all the money that will be needed. And thank you Lord that as I type, a couple is preparing an offer on our Atlanta house. Please allow it to be THE ONE!
In the bustle of birthday parties, field trips, spend the night parties, and all of the end of the year parties and recitals and programs, help us to remember those in need, too. Help us not to be completely full of ourselves. Remind me, when I am overwhelmed, that our neighbors and people in our church body, are hurting and need us. Remind me to visit the neighbor who lost her husband. Remind me to make the meal for the couple who is stuck at home. Remind me to invite the friend over for dinner whose husband travels. Because it really is yucky to just focus on ourselves. Not just yucky, but empty.
Show me when to stop everything and help my husband. Let me not do it out of guilt or compulsion, but help me to hear your voice and follow you, and to love this incredible man well. In all these things, show me how to follow you. You are our Rock, and we labor in vain without you to lead our way. Be glorified in our chaos because we love you and live for you!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Sweet, good days
Last weekend we hosted three amazing friends from our Atlanta church's youth group. It was such a sweet time of showing our big city friends what country life is all about. But somewhere along the way I lost my camera. I had some really funny shots, too.
We took our friends (2 high school girls and 1 college guy) to Mule Day, for example. This event is exactly what you might imagine, and more. It is a combination of a big yard sale, live country singers, southern food, an antique car show, and horse and mule rides. And perhaps our favorite event was the lunch time entertainment, the senior citizen line dancing team. I sound facetious, but I kid you not that unless I am in heaven or sick or lame, I will be on the line dancing team when I turn 60. They are so cute and spunky. I aspire to be them.
What did not inspire me was the stuff for sale. Someone had their used orange Kool Aid tennis shoes for sale. I kid you not. Wow. We also fished, shot guns, rode the Polaris around for the farm tour, and had a bonfire (with s'mores and Andy's guitar playing) There is no cell coverage here, so I am always shocked at the favorable response our teenage friends have to the farm. They always come back again, often to my surprise.
In other news, our two weeks of trying to eat organically has gone well. I would guess that about 75% of our food has been organic. This is a huge improvement that I am satisfied with. We will never be on such a strict diet that we miss an opportunity because of it. But I think the changes have been well received by the children. The gluten free goal has been slowly coming along. I have been making a lot from scratch- cookies, waffles, etc. but we still buy some breads, although not as much. I have also been forcing myself to do 25 minutes of cardio first thing in the morning and I am drinking more water. And it feels great. Trying to focus on stewardship and not outward changes.
My spring Bible study ended on Wednesday. And there was a local study that started today. So I jumped on board. I have enjoyed my women's Bible studies so much. Praying for more transparency which will hopefully lead to deeper relationships with one another and Jesus.
The farm is beautiful. Pictures to come. We surpassed our goal of 75 CSA members. And our 18 weeks of produce deliveries to these customers starts next week! It is a busy and exciting time for us. My husband has this excited look of anticipation mixed with nervousness about him. He loves to watch all of the harvest grow, but he knows fulyl well that God determines the outcome. There are so many uncontrollable variables. So we just try to rest in Him. Although it is a joy to watch Andy's hard work (literally) come to life, it can be extremely exhausting. For the next 20 weeks or so he will work 60-80 hour weeks. And when school is out we will spend a portion of those hours working, too. It will be a sweet time, but hard work! For about 5 months most everything will take a back seat to our farm for Andy. It is just the nature of farming. Somehow, amazingly, last year he managed to love us well even during this season. And I really desire to serve God and Andy well by being the help mate he needs. So I am praying for God to prepare me to balance it all.
FOUR weeks of school left! Not just for the year, but only 4 weeks of homeschooling left for us as a family. I do not know how I feel that this chapter is over. But I am thrilled for the fall. If I could bypass the summer, I would. But there is so much to do first. The principal thought I would be teaching second grade, but she decided instead it would be third. I am observing the teacher I will team teach with this week. I cannot describe how thrilled I am to be teaching at a school. I need a team, and my children do too. And the team He has provided is phenomenal.
Life is so rich right now. It is a sweet season of seeing God answer so many prayers. God is finally revealing the answers to so many of my persistent questions. And I am overcome with the fullness of His presence and plan. Love our memory verse, 2 Corinthians 2:14-15, "But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession and through us spreads in every place the fragrance that comes from knowing Him."
We took our friends (2 high school girls and 1 college guy) to Mule Day, for example. This event is exactly what you might imagine, and more. It is a combination of a big yard sale, live country singers, southern food, an antique car show, and horse and mule rides. And perhaps our favorite event was the lunch time entertainment, the senior citizen line dancing team. I sound facetious, but I kid you not that unless I am in heaven or sick or lame, I will be on the line dancing team when I turn 60. They are so cute and spunky. I aspire to be them.
What did not inspire me was the stuff for sale. Someone had their used orange Kool Aid tennis shoes for sale. I kid you not. Wow. We also fished, shot guns, rode the Polaris around for the farm tour, and had a bonfire (with s'mores and Andy's guitar playing) There is no cell coverage here, so I am always shocked at the favorable response our teenage friends have to the farm. They always come back again, often to my surprise.
In other news, our two weeks of trying to eat organically has gone well. I would guess that about 75% of our food has been organic. This is a huge improvement that I am satisfied with. We will never be on such a strict diet that we miss an opportunity because of it. But I think the changes have been well received by the children. The gluten free goal has been slowly coming along. I have been making a lot from scratch- cookies, waffles, etc. but we still buy some breads, although not as much. I have also been forcing myself to do 25 minutes of cardio first thing in the morning and I am drinking more water. And it feels great. Trying to focus on stewardship and not outward changes.
My spring Bible study ended on Wednesday. And there was a local study that started today. So I jumped on board. I have enjoyed my women's Bible studies so much. Praying for more transparency which will hopefully lead to deeper relationships with one another and Jesus.
The farm is beautiful. Pictures to come. We surpassed our goal of 75 CSA members. And our 18 weeks of produce deliveries to these customers starts next week! It is a busy and exciting time for us. My husband has this excited look of anticipation mixed with nervousness about him. He loves to watch all of the harvest grow, but he knows fulyl well that God determines the outcome. There are so many uncontrollable variables. So we just try to rest in Him. Although it is a joy to watch Andy's hard work (literally) come to life, it can be extremely exhausting. For the next 20 weeks or so he will work 60-80 hour weeks. And when school is out we will spend a portion of those hours working, too. It will be a sweet time, but hard work! For about 5 months most everything will take a back seat to our farm for Andy. It is just the nature of farming. Somehow, amazingly, last year he managed to love us well even during this season. And I really desire to serve God and Andy well by being the help mate he needs. So I am praying for God to prepare me to balance it all.
FOUR weeks of school left! Not just for the year, but only 4 weeks of homeschooling left for us as a family. I do not know how I feel that this chapter is over. But I am thrilled for the fall. If I could bypass the summer, I would. But there is so much to do first. The principal thought I would be teaching second grade, but she decided instead it would be third. I am observing the teacher I will team teach with this week. I cannot describe how thrilled I am to be teaching at a school. I need a team, and my children do too. And the team He has provided is phenomenal.
Life is so rich right now. It is a sweet season of seeing God answer so many prayers. God is finally revealing the answers to so many of my persistent questions. And I am overcome with the fullness of His presence and plan. Love our memory verse, 2 Corinthians 2:14-15, "But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession and through us spreads in every place the fragrance that comes from knowing Him."
Monday, April 23, 2012
Holding loosely
I have not been spending a good amount of time in the Word lately. And I can tell, because I have a white-knuckled grip on worldly things. I have found myself envious and less compassionate. I have been more self-centered and less others-centered. My thoughts are all about me, lately. And life is pretty dull when I set my sights on what is temporal. I need to remember whose I am, and hold the things of this world a little more loosely. (It is all His anyway. I have no ownership, I am just a steward here.)
I sometimes forget that every blessing and trial, every relationship and potential relationship, every moment and breath are opportunities to serve Jesus and share Him. And I am remembering that life isn't about getting what I want out of it, it is about giving of myself for the glory of Jesus. I forget that in loving my family well and pointing them to my Savior, I am sharing Christ with generations of people. I forget that in serving and loving others, I am also sharing Christ with generations. Every day, every moment, an opportunity to follow Christ and to keep my eyes on the finish line of heaven.
All the separate callings of my life- being a help mate, raising and educating our children, teaching, serving, being part of a larger family, friendships, a church body- they are to all be done for the glory of God, always with Him in mind. As much as I love people, I must love others for the glory of God. Then I can extend bold love (even to those who do not deserve it or will never give it in return), and people will not disappoint.
I have trouble keeping my eyes fixed on Christ. He knows this, and I thank Him for always gently reminding me. When this life is over, His glory will be all that is on my mind-forever. How hard to imagine, but what a joy that will be! To finally live for worship, exactly what I was created to do!
2 Corinthians 5:6-10
"So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord- for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we do have confidence, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. For all of us must appear before the judgment seat of Christ..."
I sometimes forget that every blessing and trial, every relationship and potential relationship, every moment and breath are opportunities to serve Jesus and share Him. And I am remembering that life isn't about getting what I want out of it, it is about giving of myself for the glory of Jesus. I forget that in loving my family well and pointing them to my Savior, I am sharing Christ with generations of people. I forget that in serving and loving others, I am also sharing Christ with generations. Every day, every moment, an opportunity to follow Christ and to keep my eyes on the finish line of heaven.
All the separate callings of my life- being a help mate, raising and educating our children, teaching, serving, being part of a larger family, friendships, a church body- they are to all be done for the glory of God, always with Him in mind. As much as I love people, I must love others for the glory of God. Then I can extend bold love (even to those who do not deserve it or will never give it in return), and people will not disappoint.
I have trouble keeping my eyes fixed on Christ. He knows this, and I thank Him for always gently reminding me. When this life is over, His glory will be all that is on my mind-forever. How hard to imagine, but what a joy that will be! To finally live for worship, exactly what I was created to do!
2 Corinthians 5:6-10
"So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord- for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we do have confidence, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. For all of us must appear before the judgment seat of Christ..."
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Happy birthday, Mom and Dad!
Mom and Dad both have birthdays in April. This year is a big one for Dad, as he turns the big 6-5. And it's a big one for Mom after all that has happened to her since her last birthday (battle with cancer). We enjoyed an evening with them. I have enjoyed seeing them often since we moved back to Alabama. So thankful to be close to all of our family. We have missed a lot of birthdays over the years. It is really fun to be here to celebrate now.
Praying Mom and Dad will have some easy years ahead of them. It's been a rough time here these last couple. Praying that on their next birthday they would both feel better than they have in a long time. They just closed on a new house yesterday, and it is very close to the school where I will be teaching and the kids attending. We are so excited about that close proximity and being able to enjoy these years with them. Get ready Mom and Dad, we might be spending the night every now and then! Love them both so much!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Eating like we own an organic farm (this is going to be difficult)
As I have mentioned, we moved to rural Alabama a year ago from Atlanta to start an organic farm. Over the past year, my husband has had me watch and read a lot of information on farming, particularly mass food production. It has been quite convicting because, although we generally eat a well-balanced diet, we are certainly not opposed to junk food. Nor do we avoid the weekly stop at Wendy's or Zaxby's (and lately a Dairy Queen blizzard has been a fun treat). Even with this said, I think my kids eat healthier than the average American child. Fast food once a week is not bad, on average. Ice cream from Dairy Queen every now and then is not bad, on average. I do, after all, make them drink milk with dinner, avoid soft drinks, and eat their veggies or fruit with each meal. Yes, this is exactly what I have been telling myself for years.
I recommend that everyone watch a documentary that tells the story of the food we eat. Food, Inc. is a good one. There are almost always mass-producing farm documentaries on PBS, too. After all, we need to know what we are feeding our families. Most of us care deeply about what their soul and mind intake. We spend hours praying, searching, delivering what they need. And we guard their hearts and minds, often asking God to do so, as well. But we might not be as particular and protective with their bodies. And the effects on our children, families, and society are going to be devastating.
I recommend that everyone watch a documentary that tells the story of the food we eat. Food, Inc. is a good one. There are almost always mass-producing farm documentaries on PBS, too. After all, we need to know what we are feeding our families. Most of us care deeply about what their soul and mind intake. We spend hours praying, searching, delivering what they need. And we guard their hearts and minds, often asking God to do so, as well. But we might not be as particular and protective with their bodies. And the effects on our children, families, and society are going to be devastating.
 |
| Lunch was pretty good today: apple, carrots, brown rice, sweet potato crackers, and cheese |
It's not rocket science, really. Grains, produce, and fruit are covered with bug-killing poisons. Watch a film of the crop pilots flying over and dumping tons of gallons of herbicides and pesticides on the food we buy in the stores. Watch how cows, chickens, and other animals are injected with hormones and fed foods they do not naturally eat, all for the sake of fast growth, fast production, fast money. It really is not a stretch at all to connect these foods with autism, cancer, autoimmune disorders, etc. I will surely miss my Cheez-its, Campbell's soup, and Wal-mart's cheap apples for lunch.
It is very sobering. Trust me, this all puts a major kink in my diet. I grew up with Better Cheddars and Coca-Cola on the countertop waiting for me after school. But I personally know the pain of being told my child might have a disorder on the autistic spectrum. (Thank you Lord that we had the best of outcomes.) And I have personally experienced cancer in my family. And I can confidently declare that I am not willing to enjoy my Cinnamon Toast Crunch and conventional fruits and vegetables at the risk of having poor health, or causing my children or grandchildren to be at risk.
Do not get me wrong, there are other things that factor into these diseases and disorders, both environmentally and genetically. There is no easy fix. And ultimately I am not in control of the universe. But just like anything else I do as a human being/wife/parent, I am responsible for making the best choices I can. So this week we are making the transition to organic eating. It can be quite expensive, even for those of us with gardens and egg-laying chickens! But it is important enough that I am willing to make sacrifices. My children will not be involved in every activity that comes along. Our clothes are always hand-me-downs or "gently used" (or from Target). Furniture that we buy is also "gently used" or passed down from a relative. I do a lot of home-made baking and cooking as opposed to pre-packaged, convenient, expensive stuff. (Less activities for the kids=more time to cook) We will eat more deer meat than cow meat, because we have a ton in the freezer from hunting season. We will not be eating out, hardly at all. Books we buy are used, if not from the library. The list goes on and on...usually there are corners that can be cut. It is very convicting to consider that I have been putting our clothing, furnishings, vehicles, etc. above our health.
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| Organic chicken tortilla soup, UNorganice multi grain chips |
My husband is trying to start a movement of selling organic fruit, veggies, and eggs at a price that is comparable to "conventional" food. We hate that the price of organic food prevents people from eating well. If you live in Alabama, check out our website at : backhomefarm.com. Just replacing conventional milk, veggies, fruit, beef, eggs, and chicken with organics is so huge. (Even if you still eat your Cheez-its and Cheerios.)
This is all a transition for us. It will be different and hard, even in today's market where organics are much easier to find. Praying for diligence and perseverance. Selfishly praying for tangible evidence of the results of healthier eating, because we will need that encouragement. This is all going to be new and different. My husband took the kids on an errand and they all came back with a Hershey bar. :) And, I cannot seem to break my habit of having a Coke Zero in the afternoons. Did I mention that I had to put an entire teaspoon of (organic) sugar on the kids' (Kashi) cereal in order for them to eat it this morning? Oh well, baby steps.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Tuesdays
On Tuesdays we do not have to be anywhere. I try to take the kids on a long walk around the farm in the afternoon time when chores and school are all done. Today, as always, we found some fresh treasures.
Lots of honeysuckle, the kids' favorite.
We planted a small orchard last year behind the house. Today we discovered our first peaches!
The dog was as hyper and out of control as always. 
The clouds began to bulge with impending rain, so we headed home (it was a short walk) and the kids got on the trampoline. I truly do not know how any family makes it without one. The kids spend probably a dozen hours a week on ours. Jumping, diving on bean bags, throwing beach balls. 
Around 5:30 we came in and I started dinner. A few minutes later the clouds exploded and my sweetie came knocking on the back door, soaked. The produce here at the farm is beginning to come in. Notice the new potatoes he brought in for dinner tomorrow night. Lettuce, radishes, spinach, onions, and now potatoes are ready! 
So I lit some warm candles while he took a shower and we had a nice dinner together. Then Lydie turned on music and entertained us with dancing and a fashion show until showers and bedtime. Now they are all tucked in bed. Andy is reading to the boys, Lydie is anxiously awaiting the Tooth Fairy. Another simple Tuesday at our house.
Lots of honeysuckle, the kids' favorite. We planted a small orchard last year behind the house. Today we discovered our first peaches!The dog was as hyper and out of control as always. The clouds began to bulge with impending rain, so we headed home (it was a short walk) and the kids got on the trampoline. I truly do not know how any family makes it without one. The kids spend probably a dozen hours a week on ours. Jumping, diving on bean bags, throwing beach balls. Around 5:30 we came in and I started dinner. A few minutes later the clouds exploded and my sweetie came knocking on the back door, soaked. The produce here at the farm is beginning to come in. Notice the new potatoes he brought in for dinner tomorrow night. Lettuce, radishes, spinach, onions, and now potatoes are ready! So I lit some warm candles while he took a shower and we had a nice dinner together. Then Lydie turned on music and entertained us with dancing and a fashion show until showers and bedtime. Now they are all tucked in bed. Andy is reading to the boys, Lydie is anxiously awaiting the Tooth Fairy. Another simple Tuesday at our house.Wedding celebration
Our dear friend, "Vance", got married over the weekend. Andy was a groomsman and Lydia Joy was a flower girl. We had such a great time at the hotel and festivities making new friends and seeing old ones. I told my husband at least a dozen times how handsome he looked. Wow, the farmer cleans up really nicely! 
(a couple of pictures from the rehearsal)
The highlight of the weekend for us was watching our girl enjoy her role as flower girl. She took it very seriously. As in a one hour ceremony, and she did not move a muscle!! No sitting, no yawning, no slouching. She has the self-control of a boot camp soldier, that one!
And she looked pretty darling, I have to admit. The little ring bearer is son to our very good friends. He and Lydie have know each other their whole lives, and just recently they spent a weekend with us on the farm. So they had this evening all planned out. 
They were going to dance the night away! They received a lot of attention and were very cute. At the rehearsal, Lydie made friends with all of the bridesmaids. So at the reception, I would lose track of her only to find a bridesmaid holding her. It was really sweet. We all had such a great time. 
It is so fun to listen to the sermon, hear the vows, see the joy, and remember our own wedding day. It is good to hear those vows every now and then. And then when we snap back into the present day, look around at our three beautiful children and praise God for all He has done for us in fifteen years, and all we pray he will bring to the lives of our sweet, newlywed, friends as they start a new life together. 
Champagne, dancing, celebration...weddings are so much fun!
(a couple of pictures from the rehearsal)The highlight of the weekend for us was watching our girl enjoy her role as flower girl. She took it very seriously. As in a one hour ceremony, and she did not move a muscle!! No sitting, no yawning, no slouching. She has the self-control of a boot camp soldier, that one!
And she looked pretty darling, I have to admit. The little ring bearer is son to our very good friends. He and Lydie have know each other their whole lives, and just recently they spent a weekend with us on the farm. So they had this evening all planned out. They were going to dance the night away! They received a lot of attention and were very cute. At the rehearsal, Lydie made friends with all of the bridesmaids. So at the reception, I would lose track of her only to find a bridesmaid holding her. It was really sweet. We all had such a great time. It is so fun to listen to the sermon, hear the vows, see the joy, and remember our own wedding day. It is good to hear those vows every now and then. And then when we snap back into the present day, look around at our three beautiful children and praise God for all He has done for us in fifteen years, and all we pray he will bring to the lives of our sweet, newlywed, friends as they start a new life together. Champagne, dancing, celebration...weddings are so much fun!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Easter treats
in the kitchen...
Easter bunny cake, tradition carried on from my Aunt Charlotte. Isn't it funny how some of us never forget a special childhood tradition?
Easter bunny cake, tradition carried on from my Aunt Charlotte. Isn't it funny how some of us never forget a special childhood tradition?Pink Peeps. The kids and I didn't like them, at all. I keep thinking each year we will come around. But, no can do.
This was our first year to make Resurrections Rolls. They loved the symbolism. They were a hit for breakfast on Easter morning!
Easter Sunday
In light of our fresh, big news, Easter was especially sweet. Because we had spent three weekends in a row getting our Atlanta house ready to put on the market, I did not volunteer to host this year. My sweet brother and sister-in-law offered, though. We enjoyed a beautiful church service and lunch at their house. In fact, we stayed too long and found ourselves leaving around 6pm. (Thank you, Mimi and Papa, for the children's Easter outfits. They were so sweet.) 
Thoughtful Aunt Chelle planned a scavenger hunt indoors and the men hid eggs for an Easter egg hunt outdoors. The kids loved it so much. (Thank you for all the thought you put into those activities, Aunt Chelle!) And lunch was delicious. Aunt Chelle cooked all of the food, with Mom and I only contributing desserts. It was a restful, fun day for us.
How do you process the resurrection? Our Savior's life, death, and resurrection? All we can do is worship and hold our hands high and our heads low in worship to our great Messiah. So thankful to live in the light of His great sacrifice. So thankful for the great joy and hope he brings to such a dark world, and to my own dark heart. He is Risen!! He is risen, indeed! 
"Men point to the sad incidents of human life on earth, and they ask “Where is the love of God?” God points to that Cross as the unreserved manifestation of love so inconceivably infinite as to answer every challenge and silence all doubt for ever. And that Cross is not merely the public proof of what God has accomplished; it is the earnest of all that He has promised." [Sir Robert Anderson]Thursday, April 05, 2012
The answer
“Life is not a straight line leading from one blessing to the next and then finally to heaven. Life is a winding and troubled road. Switchback after switchback. And the point of biblical stories like Joseph and Job and Esther and Ruth is to help us feel in our bones (not just know in our heads) that God is for us in all these strange turns. God is not just showing up after the trouble and cleaning it up. He is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far-reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ.” ― John Piper, A Sweet and Bitter Providence: Sex, Race, and the Sovereignty of God
I have tried not to write much here this past month or two. The main reason is because in the winter I hit rock bottom in the process of accepting our new life and all that it entails. The very week I found myself so far beyond what I could handle as far as desperation and feeling utterly lost here, God broke through and delivered a long succession of miraculously answered prayers. As I have often found, he seems to get my attention with His eleventh hour answers. And He blows me away with His tender, personal grace. I'll start at the beginning.
A couple of months ago I was a pretty miserable wreck. I felt like I hit a pretty big wall with homeschooling the year that we decided to move here (early 2011). But as we found no other option that lead to peace or belonging, I continued to homeschool. It has been a daily challenge to educate and love the children well, while feeling restless and lonely.
Finally I decided to consider the option of driving the kids to one of the two schools that I love. Both are an hour away. I have dismissed the idea thousands of times before because I really didn't want my children in the car 2 hours a day and I feel guilty being a part of a community that is that far away from our home. But something had to change. So I made an appointment to tour the school. Cancelled. Two times. And the third time my husband encouraged me to go. And I did, and consequently I fell in love. BIG TIME. When I left the school I felt a sense of peace for the first time since we moved to our farm. Not only did I fall in love with the school and all that it has to offer, but I made a really good friend. We talked so long that we got embarrassed and left the building...only to talk another hour in the parking lot. And I came home that day with Hope.
So we began the very long, arduous task of applying for the school. The references and application itself took a week to complete. In the meantime, I decided that one hour in the morning to have our devotion, eat breakfast, pray, chat, and review schoolwork wouldn't be all bad. It was, afterall, a drive with almost no traffic and through a beautiful area of Alabama. After sharing it all with Andy, he offered to take the application to the school in person. He wanted to meet some people and see for himself what it was all about. Not only did he meet some teachers and administrators, but he took a tour and he loved what he saw. During that tour, Andy was asked how we had heard of the classical Christian model of education. He mentioned that I taught at a classical school, and that we have homeschooled with the same philosophy. And a job opening in the elementary school was mentioned.
Andy casually informed me of that teaching position a couple of days later. I immediately dismissed it. I have been a stay at home Mom since my last trimester of pregnancy with Jackson. In June it will be 12 years! I just never considered juggling working outside the home with being a Mom. But as quickly as I dismissed the idea, God kept putting it on my heart. Over the course of the next week or two I found myself in various conversations about education. These conversations ignited a passion in me. So I decided to just look at the application. And the next thing I knew, it was the middle of the night and I had filled out the entire thing, including the dozen or so questions about my philosophy, ideas about discipline, classroom atmosphere, etc. It was fun. And I became giddy, and utterly delighted at the idea of being in a classroom teaching again. Does anyone else get butterflies when they walk into a school and smell crayons and pencils? What sweet memories it brings!
That was a month ago. Since then, I have collected references (pretty funny task for a girl who has been unemployed for 12 years!), been interviewed twice by the principal and then the school board, and waited and prayed for endless, long days. I did more than pray, I groveled and begged and pleaded with God to please, PLEASE let this be His will. Lo and behold, this past weekend I was offered the teaching position, and after the application process, student testing, and additional interviews, my children were accepted into the school, as well. We are elated, blown away, and so very thankful.
For 13 months I have woken up every day feeling like I am in a foreign land (visit our farm and you might agree). We have struggled to find a church home. I have not really had an opportunity to make new friends. I have struggled to homeschool in isolation. I miss what we had in Atlanta. Terribly. And I have vacillated between guilt and overload with trying to spend time with my Mom and Dad during Mom's battle with cancer and provide the education that I want for my children this year. In addition, as I have watched my husband thrive and my children all settle in happily, I have felt very frustrated and confused with myself. There's just no better word for how I have felt than misplaced! Remember how Jesus was tempted in the desert? Well this has been like my desert, and I am not brave enough to tell you the temptations I have faced. Every ugly demon from my past has made a visit. But thankfully, the Holy Spirit has guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus, even when it was heavy and quite hopeless. Although I can not and will not claim perfect obedience, I can say His grace has been sufficient for me. And as I have weakly called on Him and trusted Him, He has sustained me and my marriage. Thanks be to God alone.
For those who do not know, classical education is one of my obsessions. I have several: history (particularly ancient history), decorating and fabric, women's ministry, my family, Jesus, and classical education. What a strange combination. I am beyond thrilled to find out what God had planned for me, He knew all along what was coming. Even though I know I haven't handled this transition perfectly, I am so thankful that I have been able to press forward and face all 365+ of these new mornings trusting the Lord. Not just trusting, but clinging. Not always resting in Him, but always, always clinging (for.dear.life) Because almost every morning it has been a real struggle. And because He is my Great Love and his mercy and compassions are endless, this teaching position allows me to enjoy all of my obsessions. Most importantly, I have the great priveledge of teaching in a Christian school where I can teach a biblical worldview and share the gospel with my students. Also, I will teach ancient history (I will either be teaching 2nd or 3rd grade, ancient Egyptian or ancient Roman/Greek history. Squeal.). The school is looking to get rid of some fluff (i.e. kitty and puppy posters) in the elementary school, and focus on an aesthetic that is more classical in nature. I have been asked to help. (Double squeal.) I will be part of a staff and get to know parents, creating an opportunity to both love and be loved by friends. (Fulfilling my craving to be involved in women's ministry again.) And my sweet children will be under the same roof with me! The younger two and I will be out at 1:00, and Jack will be out at 3:00. So I will still share lunch with Josh and Lydie. Such a sweet grace as we all get used to the transition! And although we will see my husband less, I am so excited to experience what our marriage will be like when we are both feeling excited about living here. God has provided far abundantly more than what I could have dreamed a couple of months ago when I was spending thirty minutes each morning just asking for the strength to throw my legs out from under the covers and get started with the day. And I know I don't deserve it.
It will take a long time for me to get over the indescribable joy I have in seeing this opportunity that is so perfectly designed for me become a reality. Unbelievable!! Not only is this a good thing, it is my absolute dream come true. That sweet friend who I met when I toured the school has been praying for her twin daughters' teacher, as she nervously ends her own season with homeschooling and puts them in school for the first time. As it turns out, I will teach them, if not all day, at least part of the day. Unbelievable grace. And we have received an email from one of the sweetest college girls we know who wants to work on our farm for the entire month of July to help with the kids and other needs. That is an answer to the only detail that had me worried...what will the kids do when I need to work in my classroom this summer? Every single detail has been orchestrated by our gracious heavenly Father, who never sleeps nor slumbers, and who hears our cries and pleadings and rescues us. Why do I ever doubt?
My best friend (who has heard my droning about education from day 1 of our friendship, 8 years ago) says she feels like she is watching a fairy tale unfold. She feels like this situation is what I have always dreamed of. She is right, and I feel this way as well. I know life will not be perfect, of course. But I am really looking forward to this new chapter for our family. If you have taken the time to read my entire story, won't you take one more minute to praise our Heavenly Father with us? And if you are in a place of sadness and sorrow, please know that I know your pain and I would love the priviledge of praying with you. I know how to pray desperately, I know what it is like to feel desperate. Please know you are not alone.
Lastly, I want to share words from my favorite character in the Bible, my heart has always resonated with hers, especially now. I cry almost everytime I read it. On this earth I could have lived on the crumbs with still more than I deserve, and yet he has invited me to dance and dine at this Feast. Amazing. Matthew 15:21-28:
Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.” Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said. He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.
I have tried not to write much here this past month or two. The main reason is because in the winter I hit rock bottom in the process of accepting our new life and all that it entails. The very week I found myself so far beyond what I could handle as far as desperation and feeling utterly lost here, God broke through and delivered a long succession of miraculously answered prayers. As I have often found, he seems to get my attention with His eleventh hour answers. And He blows me away with His tender, personal grace. I'll start at the beginning.
A couple of months ago I was a pretty miserable wreck. I felt like I hit a pretty big wall with homeschooling the year that we decided to move here (early 2011). But as we found no other option that lead to peace or belonging, I continued to homeschool. It has been a daily challenge to educate and love the children well, while feeling restless and lonely.
Finally I decided to consider the option of driving the kids to one of the two schools that I love. Both are an hour away. I have dismissed the idea thousands of times before because I really didn't want my children in the car 2 hours a day and I feel guilty being a part of a community that is that far away from our home. But something had to change. So I made an appointment to tour the school. Cancelled. Two times. And the third time my husband encouraged me to go. And I did, and consequently I fell in love. BIG TIME. When I left the school I felt a sense of peace for the first time since we moved to our farm. Not only did I fall in love with the school and all that it has to offer, but I made a really good friend. We talked so long that we got embarrassed and left the building...only to talk another hour in the parking lot. And I came home that day with Hope.
So we began the very long, arduous task of applying for the school. The references and application itself took a week to complete. In the meantime, I decided that one hour in the morning to have our devotion, eat breakfast, pray, chat, and review schoolwork wouldn't be all bad. It was, afterall, a drive with almost no traffic and through a beautiful area of Alabama. After sharing it all with Andy, he offered to take the application to the school in person. He wanted to meet some people and see for himself what it was all about. Not only did he meet some teachers and administrators, but he took a tour and he loved what he saw. During that tour, Andy was asked how we had heard of the classical Christian model of education. He mentioned that I taught at a classical school, and that we have homeschooled with the same philosophy. And a job opening in the elementary school was mentioned.
Andy casually informed me of that teaching position a couple of days later. I immediately dismissed it. I have been a stay at home Mom since my last trimester of pregnancy with Jackson. In June it will be 12 years! I just never considered juggling working outside the home with being a Mom. But as quickly as I dismissed the idea, God kept putting it on my heart. Over the course of the next week or two I found myself in various conversations about education. These conversations ignited a passion in me. So I decided to just look at the application. And the next thing I knew, it was the middle of the night and I had filled out the entire thing, including the dozen or so questions about my philosophy, ideas about discipline, classroom atmosphere, etc. It was fun. And I became giddy, and utterly delighted at the idea of being in a classroom teaching again. Does anyone else get butterflies when they walk into a school and smell crayons and pencils? What sweet memories it brings!
That was a month ago. Since then, I have collected references (pretty funny task for a girl who has been unemployed for 12 years!), been interviewed twice by the principal and then the school board, and waited and prayed for endless, long days. I did more than pray, I groveled and begged and pleaded with God to please, PLEASE let this be His will. Lo and behold, this past weekend I was offered the teaching position, and after the application process, student testing, and additional interviews, my children were accepted into the school, as well. We are elated, blown away, and so very thankful.
For 13 months I have woken up every day feeling like I am in a foreign land (visit our farm and you might agree). We have struggled to find a church home. I have not really had an opportunity to make new friends. I have struggled to homeschool in isolation. I miss what we had in Atlanta. Terribly. And I have vacillated between guilt and overload with trying to spend time with my Mom and Dad during Mom's battle with cancer and provide the education that I want for my children this year. In addition, as I have watched my husband thrive and my children all settle in happily, I have felt very frustrated and confused with myself. There's just no better word for how I have felt than misplaced! Remember how Jesus was tempted in the desert? Well this has been like my desert, and I am not brave enough to tell you the temptations I have faced. Every ugly demon from my past has made a visit. But thankfully, the Holy Spirit has guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus, even when it was heavy and quite hopeless. Although I can not and will not claim perfect obedience, I can say His grace has been sufficient for me. And as I have weakly called on Him and trusted Him, He has sustained me and my marriage. Thanks be to God alone.
For those who do not know, classical education is one of my obsessions. I have several: history (particularly ancient history), decorating and fabric, women's ministry, my family, Jesus, and classical education. What a strange combination. I am beyond thrilled to find out what God had planned for me, He knew all along what was coming. Even though I know I haven't handled this transition perfectly, I am so thankful that I have been able to press forward and face all 365+ of these new mornings trusting the Lord. Not just trusting, but clinging. Not always resting in Him, but always, always clinging (for.dear.life) Because almost every morning it has been a real struggle. And because He is my Great Love and his mercy and compassions are endless, this teaching position allows me to enjoy all of my obsessions. Most importantly, I have the great priveledge of teaching in a Christian school where I can teach a biblical worldview and share the gospel with my students. Also, I will teach ancient history (I will either be teaching 2nd or 3rd grade, ancient Egyptian or ancient Roman/Greek history. Squeal.). The school is looking to get rid of some fluff (i.e. kitty and puppy posters) in the elementary school, and focus on an aesthetic that is more classical in nature. I have been asked to help. (Double squeal.) I will be part of a staff and get to know parents, creating an opportunity to both love and be loved by friends. (Fulfilling my craving to be involved in women's ministry again.) And my sweet children will be under the same roof with me! The younger two and I will be out at 1:00, and Jack will be out at 3:00. So I will still share lunch with Josh and Lydie. Such a sweet grace as we all get used to the transition! And although we will see my husband less, I am so excited to experience what our marriage will be like when we are both feeling excited about living here. God has provided far abundantly more than what I could have dreamed a couple of months ago when I was spending thirty minutes each morning just asking for the strength to throw my legs out from under the covers and get started with the day. And I know I don't deserve it.
It will take a long time for me to get over the indescribable joy I have in seeing this opportunity that is so perfectly designed for me become a reality. Unbelievable!! Not only is this a good thing, it is my absolute dream come true. That sweet friend who I met when I toured the school has been praying for her twin daughters' teacher, as she nervously ends her own season with homeschooling and puts them in school for the first time. As it turns out, I will teach them, if not all day, at least part of the day. Unbelievable grace. And we have received an email from one of the sweetest college girls we know who wants to work on our farm for the entire month of July to help with the kids and other needs. That is an answer to the only detail that had me worried...what will the kids do when I need to work in my classroom this summer? Every single detail has been orchestrated by our gracious heavenly Father, who never sleeps nor slumbers, and who hears our cries and pleadings and rescues us. Why do I ever doubt?
My best friend (who has heard my droning about education from day 1 of our friendship, 8 years ago) says she feels like she is watching a fairy tale unfold. She feels like this situation is what I have always dreamed of. She is right, and I feel this way as well. I know life will not be perfect, of course. But I am really looking forward to this new chapter for our family. If you have taken the time to read my entire story, won't you take one more minute to praise our Heavenly Father with us? And if you are in a place of sadness and sorrow, please know that I know your pain and I would love the priviledge of praying with you. I know how to pray desperately, I know what it is like to feel desperate. Please know you are not alone.
Lastly, I want to share words from my favorite character in the Bible, my heart has always resonated with hers, especially now. I cry almost everytime I read it. On this earth I could have lived on the crumbs with still more than I deserve, and yet he has invited me to dance and dine at this Feast. Amazing. Matthew 15:21-28:
Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.” Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said. He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Beauty
Today Lydie and I were shopping for Easter shoes. As we approached the check out line she motioned for me to lean down to her level and listen to a secret. She whispered, "Could you tell those two ladies that I think they are beautiful?" I looked at who she was referring to and saw the most lovely, white-haired, elderly ladies. I hesitated because, well, I was a stranger telling two ladies they were beautiful. It felt a little awkard!We were asked to move to the other check out line and I began trying to come up with the right words. I finally decided I was being silly. I should just say, "My daughter asked me to tell you that she thinks you are both beautiful." But I turned around and they were gone. I was mad at myself all day long. I wonder how long it had been since someone had told them how beautiful they are. I wish I would have told them right away.
I love the perspective of a little, innocent girl. I know that soon enough society will try to redefine her idea of beauty. It might not be long before artificial, shallow beauty appeals to her. I will do all that I can to fight that possibility. Praying God will guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus and enable her to see the world and other people as He does! Praying she will prize a gentle and "quiet" spirit, a servant heart, and a beautiful, inquisitive mind more than the things that are passing away.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Spring Break
Last week was our Spring Break. It left us rejuvenated and refreshed. We spent most of the time sleeping late and playing outside, and trying really hard to balance resting with catching up around here. I got a few areas organized- the hutch (pantry), the frig, and the closets. I also took all of the kids' clothes to the consignment store. And one day I mulched and planted flowers in the beds in the yard. But these things only required a small part of each day to be filled with work.
The children spent dozens of hours with the dog, on the trampoline, in the sprinkler, exploring outside. I bought them a new Wii game that we played most evenings (Mario 2012 Olympics game). We also rented a movie one night and I let them each pick out their favorite dinner and served it one night last week.
We chose two special activities for the week. The boys wanted to tour Vulcan Park. I was so thrilled that the museum actually provided an educational field trip for us that pertained to what we are learning in history. There were beautiful pictures and plaques about the Great Depression, the World Wars, and the New Deal and how that affected the city of Birmingham. I very much enjoyed studying the history of my birthplace with the kids, and sharing a love for Alabama with them. Loved those unplanned learning opportunities! And then we went to sweet Homewood to eat lunch at O'Carrs, one of my favorite places to eat when I was in high school and summers that I was home in college. Sharing these places with my own children never gets old!
Later in the week we had our second fun outing, playing mini golf together (again the boys' request). We finished golfing with only minutes to spare before a huge rainstorm hit the area. I was so thankful to be able to fulfill their second wish for the week without having the rain spoil their fun.
This past weekend my parents came to the farm and watched the kids while Andy and I went to Atlanta. Our friends have been renting our house there and we were doing yard work and repairs in order to put the house on the market next month. We really enjoyed our time together, even though most of it was spent working. Just the time in the car and the evenings at dinner and the hotel, which provided hours of uninterrupted conversation, was such a treat. We are going back this weekend to try and finish a huge check list. I am excited.
The children spent dozens of hours with the dog, on the trampoline, in the sprinkler, exploring outside. I bought them a new Wii game that we played most evenings (Mario 2012 Olympics game). We also rented a movie one night and I let them each pick out their favorite dinner and served it one night last week.We chose two special activities for the week. The boys wanted to tour Vulcan Park. I was so thrilled that the museum actually provided an educational field trip for us that pertained to what we are learning in history. There were beautiful pictures and plaques about the Great Depression, the World Wars, and the New Deal and how that affected the city of Birmingham. I very much enjoyed studying the history of my birthplace with the kids, and sharing a love for Alabama with them. Loved those unplanned learning opportunities! And then we went to sweet Homewood to eat lunch at O'Carrs, one of my favorite places to eat when I was in high school and summers that I was home in college. Sharing these places with my own children never gets old!Later in the week we had our second fun outing, playing mini golf together (again the boys' request). We finished golfing with only minutes to spare before a huge rainstorm hit the area. I was so thankful to be able to fulfill their second wish for the week without having the rain spoil their fun.
This past weekend my parents came to the farm and watched the kids while Andy and I went to Atlanta. Our friends have been renting our house there and we were doing yard work and repairs in order to put the house on the market next month. We really enjoyed our time together, even though most of it was spent working. Just the time in the car and the evenings at dinner and the hotel, which provided hours of uninterrupted conversation, was such a treat. We are going back this weekend to try and finish a huge check list. I am excited.We are trying to accept the fact that we will probably have to bring a big check to closing...to PAY the bank when we sell our house. Even though we put down the standard 20% on our home, we will be "upside down" on the sell price. We took out a loan when our basement flooded in 2008, which is part of the problem. Also, even though our house is so sweet and in a nice neighborhood, we can probably expect to receive an offer for $35,000-$40,000 less than we paid for it. For a couple with three kids who have lived on one income for 12 years, this is a huge financial blow. But we have also been given huge financial gifts. So we have to cut our losses and look forward. We are certain it will be okay.
There are big things happening around here this week! Can't wait to write more. Happy spring!
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