The Power of Words

“Jesus’ sacrifice reaches the depth of who we are where fear and doubt make a home.”

our pastor

The other day Jaybird was mean to his little brother. I overheard his thoughtless words and sat him down at the kitchen table for a chat. The very minute he came to the table, I could see the shame all over his face. I started with, "What were you thinking?" Isn't that a lovely way to start a conversation? And as he began to explain his own frustrations, I became increasingly angry over his sin. I have made it a point over the years to stop myself if I feel anger over my children's sin. After all, sin should come as no surprise. And, anger isn't a good road sign to Christ.

But this particular instant I fell prey to my impatience and exhaustion. As he told me the details, I offered a solution. But I didn't stop there. I took his little wound, and I picked. I picked and picked. "Really, you should never do that." "Why did you do that?" And on and on. And after a while, he bled. He welled up and finally said, "I am a ridiculous boy. I should just die." I have never been so poigniantly face to face with my own shortcomings.

Those words. What he must have been feeling. Jaybird is very, very sensitive. He knows how to register even the slightest body language. He has been the deliverer of phrases such as, "Am I being a burden to you?" He translates everything, all the time. When he said those words, we just stared at each other. We were both exposed.

I felt silent the rest of the day. I have never been so, so sorry for my ugly sinfulness. I swam in God's grace. And, providencially, that night I heard Susan Hunt speak about the spiritual legacy we are leaving to our children and their heirs. The way our children perceive us, feel us, hear us is weaved into the fabric of their being. They will never live apart from their childhood experiences. And the negative ones lay closest to the surface- not where they can call them out, but closer, in the crux of who they are. What a painful, painful truth at the end of a rough day.

I am so thankful today to have a Savior that can take anything and make it beautiful. He promises to heal and restore the hopeless and ugly(me).
My husband sent me a verse today, in light of more painful conviction from the marriage retreat, that said,

"He has brought me to his banquet hall. His banner over me is love." Song of Solomon 4:2

I have enjoyed many hugs and kisses and deep talks with Jaybird as a response to this situation. God has given me a chance through these moments to set the record straight and confess to Him and my son how terribly selfish and impatient I can be. I am amazed that all God requires of me is a "broken and contrite spirit". He takes my utter brokenness and mysteriously reveals His beauty and love. And His does this daily, not just once. I am always in need of more grace.

"The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it."
-James A. Barrie

Magnificent

We were on a marriage retreat this weekend. I am still processing all that we learned. Here is what we saw.


Just a small glimpse into the beauty of it all.

A special treat

Every Thursday is my night out. This night is an enormous encouragement to me. So far this (school) year, I have spent my night out with friends, alone, or on VERY special occasions at a meeting. But I will miss most meetings and turn down most invitations to be with large groups just to have my quiet night away. So tonight is going to be a very rare exception to the Thursday night rule. I am going to hear Susan Hunt speak! Her books for children are on my "favorites" list. Her talk is entitled, "Discipling Heirs of the Covenant". Starbucks can't hold a candle!

She has authored many books, but these three are my favorites:

A hundred hearts

"A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you."

Author Unknown

The sky's the limit

Simple toys, simple pleasures
We she got tired of grouping, counting and naming colors, she invited two special bears to a tea party. Watching and listening to her was one of the highlights of my morning.

Pursuing good habits

I am very excited to begin a new week this week! God has graciously, gently revealed some of my weaknesses as a parent, particularly with my little Toot. He is a quiet dreamer. Because of his personality traits and his charm, his behavior and habits seem to slip under the cracks. But thankfully, another adult (his art teacher) brought some areas of concern to my attention that needed desperate attention.

Here are some helpful changes we will make with Toot this week:

~No more video games except for one night a week. Even with a restricted 30 minutes a day, my little mechanical, mathematical minded boy is obsessed and revolving his day around "media time". Besides that, sometimes I cheat and give him extra time which is not being a good steward of these moments that make up his zooming childhood.

~Toot will not do history and science with his brother any more. He is in kindergarten! He should be making sock puppets, or cutting out snowmen, or baking cookies with me NOT learning about Hammurabi's Code and the endocrine system. I will use Five In a Row picture books with him to draw out lessons on geography, science and history as they arise. I have no goals for him in these subjects, except only to enjoy good books with him and have time together to cuddle, talk and learn.

~Maybe some people would argue that if he can understand Hammurabi's Code, why not teach it to him? I believe what Charlotte Mason says about giving your child exactly what you know they can do- and requiring them to do it well. I know Toot can listen to "A Snowy Day" and then bake snowman cookies with me. But I am not sure if he has the vocabulary, attention span, or worldview to learn about Hammurabi's Code. So if I am reading a book on such a subject and he wanders off to play, I would normally just ignore him with the justification that he is still young. But in reality, I believe I am teaching him to wander off and not focus to instruction when he loses interest. If I use "age-appropriate" material, I can hold him accountable for his entire focus, attention, and his best work without letting him dictate his own habits.

~Toot needs more practical consequences for "forgetting" habits that we have set in place. For example, if he leaves the table without putting away his dirty dishes, pushing in his chair, or showing gratitude, he needs a consequence and not just a verbal reminder. I have been cuing him verbally way too long! Now, he will have to return to his seat for a few quiet minutes every time he rushes off to play. For things like leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to put his shoes in the basket when he comes inside, he will "practice" these habit 4 or 5 times when he forgets. Over and over, back and forth, training himself (or just tiring himself out). I remembered that "Creative Correction" by Lisa Whelchel has many wonderful, practical ideas for this type of discipline as well. It is a good source for kids that are absent-minded, but not defiant.

~Toot needs time alone with Andy and me. We have got to find a little slot of time to take him out alone. Maybe we can rotate the boys every other week, Lydie is just fine for now. Even an hour away would be great. I can not think of when that will happen, but the Lord always provides so I will start praying.

"We have lost sight of the fact that habit is to life what rails are to transport cars. It follows that lines of habit must be laid down towards given ends and after careful survey, or the joltings and delays of life become unsupportable. More, habit is inevitable. If we fail to ease life by laying down habits of right thinking and right acting, habits of wrong thinking and wrong acting fix themselves of their own accord."

Charlotte Mason

"The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days. "

Charlotte Mason

Pictured above: My adorable, little Toot. I would walk to the ends of the earth just for a glimpse of that beautiful face!

Hand holding

We are opening a new chapter with our oldest son. It's one in which I'm obviously not prepared. The last week I have heard the same statement several times in various situations, "Mom, I just want you to let me be a man. I'm trying to be a man!" Already, at 8 1/2?

Yesterday I had my best friend and her children over after lunch. While the children played, we grabbed two warm blankets and a comfy spot to talk. I recounted for her our latest boy vs. young man dilemma. We were at the grocery store and Lydie had to use the restroom. Jaybird asked permission to stand by the water fountain instead of coming with us into the ladies' restroom. We have had the rule until now that "if I can not see or hear you, then you are not safe" when we are in public places. It has served us well. I reminded J of the rule and he pleaded, "I know that was the rule. But I want to be a man, now." Bless his sweet heart. At that moment (Lydie was ready to get to the potty), I did not feel okay with changing our rule. So I asked him to come with us and we would talk later. He looked so humiliated, but he chose not to argue.

It has been a few days since our trip to the store, and I was still unsure of what to do. Andy has worked long hours, traveling four days this week. We have not had any opportunity for extended conversation. I needed an answer for my patient son. My friend, Liz, came to my rescue. I have been friends with ladies before that refused to share their problems or shortcomings, much less ask for advice. They had a white-knuckled grasp on their image and pride. Actually, we are all like that at times, I guess. In my experience, vulnerability is such a small price to pay for the great blessing of bearing one another's burdens and sharing one another's joys. I am always more prepared and excited about my calling as a wife and mom after I have been with Liz.

This is what Liz told me. She pointed out how mature and admirable J's request had been. He didn't try to sneak or demand new freedom, he requested it. And he submitted when it was denied. She reminded me that the way he handled himself was probably indicative that he is ready for more responsibility. And this is the part I really appreciated, she made a practical suggestion. I have a vision for where I want my children to go and be, but I sometimes have trouble figuring out the small, practical details of how to get from here to there. And Liz has trouble seeing beyond the moment, which I can balance because my head is always in the clouds! Any way, her suggestion was that we keep our set of walkie talkies in the car. When we are shopping, I can throw them in my purse. By having the walkie talkie we can follow the rule of "being where I can see or hear him" (in this case, by hearing him), but he can also have a little extra freedom by standing alone. Problem solved. I would have never thought of walkie talkies!

When I shared my solution with J yesterday, the look on his face was priceless. It was such a good moment to be able to tell him that I could allow him to be alone in the store because he has earned it. I pointed out to him the areas that he has shown maturity and initiative, by God's grace. And he beamed. He lovingly reminded me, "Don't worry, Mom. I am still going to live next door to you when I grow up." I love that kid.

What a strange, exciting thing to watch my little 8 year old take these small steps towards manhood. While he is gradually letting go of my hand, I am squeezing my grip more and more tightly on the Lord and those who support me.

For the memory book

Dear Lydie,

Yesterday we had a couple of hours alone while your brothers went to a friend's. We were looking in a fishtank when a little toddling girl came up beside us. Without hesitation you patted her head and told her, "You look really pretty today, baby!" It sounded like this, "You wook weally pwetty duday, baby!!" I think you might have the gift of encouragement. The things you say and do give me so much joy! You are spunky and sweet-a fun combination. I really enjoyed our day together today. I hope we always take time for just us girls.

Love,

Mommy

Pictured above: Lydie at 28 months

Revisiting "Regarding Options"

Today, I was in need of new perspective, again. So I revisited this post for some encouragement.

For today, what will I make my focus?

~the rainstorm that came the very instant we stepped out of the car at the grocery store OR the giggly puddle-stompers
~my friend's cancellation for our night out tomorrow OR God's promise that He is indeed working all things for the good of those who love him
~the printer running out of ink as I was preparing to copy our history time-line figures OR the extra time to study science and here this one-of-a-kind quote, "Oh boy, Mom! We're studying testicles! It's testicle day!!! Mom, what's a testicle?"
~my daughter's antiobotic-induced diarrhea ALL OVER THE DINING ROOM FLOOR (and the subsequent cloroxing of floor, tub and clothes that followed) OR the pure joy and delight she found in a mid-afternoon bath
~the napped that she missed from the stomach ache OR the excuse it gave me to order a pizza for dinner (no cooking or cleaning tonight!)
~the enormous mess in the kitchen OR a wonderland full of learning toys that inspired Egyptian adventures and stories galore
~my husband's call that he will be late tonight OR his safe trip back from a day out of town

And ending as I did last time...

~Pouting or praying

~Looking for a way out or Looking for Joy right where I am

~Myself or my Savior

A sweeter treat

When Jaybird was a toddler, he was prescribed occupational therapy once a week. We would travel anywhere from 15-45 minutes to a therapist and then home with daily exercises. This routine went on until he was five. At that time, I became his "therapist" because the medical bills were insurmountable. He never officially "graduated" from therapy, we just simply had to stop going. Since then, we have enrolled both Jaybird and Toot in many therapeutic forms of exercise disguised as fun classes. We have tried gym, sports skills class, swimming, baseball and basketball.

This season Jaybird has continued swimming lessons that began in October (he hopes to be on a swim team in the spring) and has played basketball. I am indescribably proud of him. Playing team sports for him is like asking a child with dyslexia to read in front of the class, or worse, an auditorium full of people. Jaybird has sensory integration disorder and motor apraxia. Motor apraxia is a diagnosis often given to stroke victims. These people have difficulty getting messages from the brain to their bodies, especially with alternating sides of the body. As you can imagine, Jaybird would often rather avoid sports altogether.


Tonight is J's last night of basketball practice, preparing for his last game on Saturday. As usual, Upward sports has not disappointed him or us. We have been overwhelmed with gratitude towards one coach in particular. He has formed a very sweet bond with our little guy. J is mostly the slowest one, almost always at the end of the pack. Most of the games he has not even had the ball long enough to make a shot. But he tries very hard, and more importantly, he listens. This man basically took my son under his wing, without ever knowing about his motor apraxia. He sometimes ignores the rest of the boys to take the time to gently correct him and demand him to push himself harder and harder. They always seem to be together. And what I appreciate most is that this coach has never given up on Jaybird. At last Saturday's game, he caught J after the game and showed him a new move. He was alternating bouncing the ball under each knee with each hand. A globe-trotter-ish move, if you will. J watched closely, but had no clue where to begin. So Coach said, "Go home and get your Dad to help you. If you can do it at practice, I'll give you a candy bar. If not, you have to watch me eat the candy bar." Andy and J practiced for an hour with no luck. Andy said this skill was just too difficult for him right now. But they would continue to practice and get it eventually.


So tonight at practice J will watch Coach eat the candy bar. Oh well, he deserves it as much as Jaybird, if not more. The encouragment, hope and love he has given to J (and indirectly to us) is much, much sweeter!


**Updated: He did earn the candy bar! This kid never ceases to surprise me. Coach took J's face into his hands and told him how proud he was. Unforgettable!

A real trip to Egypt, almost

Yesterday we had a once in a lifetime experience. We saw the King Tut exhibit. What a brilliant civilization!We were not allowed to take pictures of the artifacts. But we snapped a few pictures in the lobby.

And then we had lunch at a very cool Mellow Mushroom.

And we were back to the museum for the 3-D movie on pyramids and mummification.

I am grateful for an amazing opportunity! I was inspired by the Egyptians obsession with the afterlife. If only we would set our sights more often on heaven with the One True God! And we don't even have to earn his love during this life. I was thinking a lot about the freedom we have in Christ, as opposed to the slavery of life lived under the pressure of earning a right standing with "the gods". I am very thankful today.

My Wishlist

The children are all cuddled around Nana this morning in the other room. I woke up early and find myself 15 minutes ahead of schedule. So, here I am.

I have some pretty exciting items to purchase for the second half of our school year. Here are the first five things on my wish list!

A Child's Geography: the selection that makes me most excited! (We finished our first geography book. The kids can name and locate the continents and oceans. They also know basic map skills. Time to dig a little deeper!)

Hymn's for a Kid's Heart- beautiful stories to go along with our favorites. We already learn a hymn each month. Why not supplement with this beautiful book?
Ancient Egyptian Art-for more in-depth information on our favorite ancient civilization.

Raising a Modern Day Knight- for Andy to read. The cover and title are a little cheesy to me. But some ladies that I admire gave the book rave reviews.

A new English book for the kindergartner that begs for a challenge.

Mostly all supplemental choices. Except for Toot's Grammar, we are staying the course. It has been so much fun! There, I got all that down with 3 minutes to spare!

Pee-pee & poo-foo

**Updated: I KNEW someone would comment about the chocolate chips by the potty. We keep them covered at all times with saran wrap. I took the saran wrap off for the picture, for full potty artillery effect. I am not a germaphobe, per say, but even I wouldn't leave them unwrapped in the bathroom! :) I actually moved the chocolate chips to the kitchen today because we have made great strides. But in the beginning, the visual reward near the potty is a big help!

We've been a little preoccupied with making baby steps to a diaper free home! Or should I say a puddle-free home?The bathroom has been transformed. Isn't the new decor lovely?

Nearing the horizon

From my quiet time today. Beautiful, encouraging words from Look Unto Me...

"If he's an active Christian, he will have much work to do here on earth, not too much for his will, but more than enough for his strength. So he will cry out, "I'm not weary of the work- I'm weary in it." O Christian, the long hot days of weariness will not last forever. The sun is nearing the horizon and will rise again on a brighter day than you have ever seen and upon a land where you will serve God day and night- yet with true rest from your labor. Rest on earth is incomplete, but there it is perfect. Here a Christian always feels unsettled as though he has not yet attained. But there, all are at rest, have attained the summit of the mountain, and have ascended to the sweet embrace of their God. They can go no higher."

Charles Spurgeon

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Galatians 6:9

Rested, rejuvinated and excited for the new week!

Good things

In response to my winter blues, I asked the boys to come up with 20 good things about winter. I always like to having something to look forward to!
1. The anticipation of snow- hoping to make our first snowman together this year

2. Hot cocoa or as we call it "warm chocolate"

3. More visits with family, we hope

4. Playing on the ice in the yard (not sure how this is fun)

5. Making a campfire in the backyard

6. Roasting marshmellows
7. Indoor field trips- museums, especially

8. Fun school projects

9. Hard puzzles and lots of board games

10. The boys' basketball games

11. A good book and a warm blanket

12. Warm desserts like chocolate chip cookies

13. Making paper snowflakes

14. Valentine's day and party

15. Daddy's birthday

16. More time for cartoons, movies and video games

17. Fires in the fireplace

18. Making silly, home-made movies with the camcorder

19. Swimming in the indoor pool for swim lessons

20. Taking the kids ice skating for the first time

Okay, I feel a little better. Deeper thoughts next time!

Winter blues

My best friend loves January. She loves to bask in the hope of a new year. She has started an annual party on New Year's Eve, a perfect celebration for her. She gets so excited about her starting over month.
I, on the other hand, hate this time of year. I always seem unhappy and even a little sad, for no apparent reason. Maybe it is the weather and less outdoor outings or because my kids always seem to get sick around this time. It could be post-Christmas blues (even though I mentally welcome normalcy after the holidays). And this year, I am sure my husband's new job in an office (as opposed to downstairs) has a lot to do with it. I wish I knew exactly the reason.
One disadvantage of struggling through January is the fact that schools are beginning to enroll for next year. One hard week of homeschooling can make me question our decision as a whole. Today we had to take a day off in order for me to catch up around the house. I had to force myself to see this flexibility as an advantage and not a failure. This morning I listened to my friend tell me about "Colonial Day" at my son's old school. It stung a little, as I have been praying for more friends for my children. (I am realizing that unless your children's playmates are your neighbors or homeschoolers, it is very difficult to maintain friendships around differing school schedules. That has been a painful realization!)
While I am sharing my struggles, I will also admit that I feel a need for more time alone with my baby. I experienced weekly gym class, playgroups, and library time with the boys individually when they were toddlers. I miss that with Lydie. It is rare for me to go anywhere alone with her, and now much less probable without Andy around during the day.
Lastly, I am starved for more time to use my own gifts/talents. Some months there is not a minute for any of that. I don't feel I can be the best at anything else without these outlets. But with three little ones, I frequently have to let it go.
I hesitate to share all of these negatives thoughts. I certainly do not want to discourage anyone that might be considering home schooling their own little ones. But I think if you are called to this task, this little post would certainly not convince you otherwise. Only, maybe make you aware of what to expect, or even how to avoid these pitfalls altogether. If you have read any of my posts in the past, it should be pretty obvious that I mostly treasure this time with my children. And besides, many of my good friends have their children in public or private school and are much, much more overwhelmed than I am.
That's all for now. I am not going to offer any advice to myself like I usually do. Hanging on and searching for His guidance...again. Is it spring yet???

"Take to heart all the words that I am giving you today...This is no trifling matter for you, but rather your very life..."

Deuteronomy 32:46-47

Ups and downs

Yesterday was a combination of this (pitiful, very sick baby)

and this (encouragement-flowers from my precious Mother-in-law).

Blessing and trial.

God was so good to encourage me to continue to look to Him and find Joy. He is so faithful!

Psalm 121:1-2

I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

XXOO

During Sunday School the children were given a challenge to show a servant heart to Mom and Dad. They were to choose their good deed themselves. I realized that my middle child, my precious Toot, is the only one in this family that speaks my language...love language, that is. He and I prefer love from "physical touch". (The Five Love Languages)

To my delight, Toot's servant heart deed said, "I will kiss Mommy three times and hug Daddy three times." Life wouldn't be the same with out the endless amount of hugs and kisses from this little heart throb!

(This picture is from last summer. Isn't he completely kissable?)

Hello, clorox wipes!

And I thought she wouldn't like finger painting...

I have vowed not to be a Mommy that bans paint and other messy projects, no matter how tempting. Having said that, I admit to turning my head and biting my lip when she made this little creation. She just couldn't be quite satisfied until the last drop of paint was used! I can still hear her now, "Wook, Mommy! Isn't it pwetty?" Her sweet words and excitement made it worth every last Clorox wipe.

More or less

Today I have had to tell myself dozens of times, "It is NOT about you. It is NOT about you. It is NOT..." But I still don't get it down deep. Self-pity, bad attitude, guilt are cycling in my mind over and over again.

If I take my eyes off of the gospel for one thought, I am doomed. It feels like it should be about me. But it shouldn't. And there is no joy in self-worship.

The beauty of the gospel radiates the fact that it's not about me, doesn't have to be, doesn't help to be. It's all about Him-His life, His work, His righteousness (lack of selfishness, self pity, bad attitude), His glory, His resurrection. The joy comes in resting in Him. Not in comfort, wealth, security, or even worldly happiness. I am slowly submitting myself to the reality (not just head knowledge), that holiness is more to be desired than "happiness". One p-a-i-n-f-u-l lesson at a time.

More of You, Jesus, less of me.

"He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption, in order that, as it is written, "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord."

I Corinthians 1:30

Pictured above: I am basking in the blessing today of my loved ones that hold my hand through life. Pictured above, the youngest one, enjoying a day at the park, in spite of her Mommy's attitude.