Sweet, good days

Last weekend we hosted three amazing friends from our Atlanta church's youth group. It was such a sweet time of showing our big city friends what country life is all about. But somewhere along the way I lost my camera. I had some really funny shots, too.

We took our friends (2 high school girls and 1 college guy) to Mule Day, for example. This event is exactly what you might imagine, and more. It is a combination of a big yard sale, live country singers, southern food, an antique car show, and horse and mule rides. And perhaps our favorite event was the lunch time entertainment, the senior citizen line dancing team. I sound facetious, but I kid you not that unless I am in heaven or sick or lame, I will be on the line dancing team when I turn 60. They are so cute and spunky. I aspire to be them.

What did not inspire me was the stuff for sale. Someone had their used orange Kool Aid tennis shoes for sale. I kid you not. Wow. We also fished, shot guns, rode the Polaris around for the farm tour, and had a bonfire (with s'mores and Andy's guitar playing) There is no cell coverage here, so I am always shocked at the favorable response our teenage friends have to the farm. They always come back again, often to my surprise.

In other news, our two weeks of trying to eat organically has gone well. I would guess that about 75% of our food has been organic. This is a huge improvement that I am satisfied with. We will never be on such a strict diet that we miss an opportunity because of it. But I think the changes have been well received by the children. The gluten free goal has been slowly coming along. I have been making a lot from scratch- cookies, waffles, etc. but we still buy some breads, although not as much. I have also been forcing myself to do 25 minutes of cardio first thing in the morning and I am drinking more water. And it feels great. Trying to focus on stewardship and not outward changes.

My spring Bible study ended on Wednesday. And there was a local study that started today. So I jumped on board. I have enjoyed my women's Bible studies so much. Praying for more transparency which will hopefully lead to deeper relationships with one another and Jesus.

The farm is beautiful. Pictures to come. We surpassed our goal of 75 CSA members. And our 18 weeks of produce deliveries to these customers starts next week! It is a busy and exciting time for us. My husband has this excited look of anticipation mixed with nervousness about him. He loves to watch all of the harvest grow, but he knows fulyl well that God determines the outcome. There are so many uncontrollable variables. So we just try to rest in Him. Although it is a joy to watch Andy's hard work (literally) come to life, it can be extremely exhausting. For the next 20 weeks or so he will work 60-80 hour weeks. And when school is out we will spend a portion of those hours working, too. It will be a sweet time, but hard work! For about 5 months most everything will take a back seat to our farm for Andy. It is just the nature of farming. Somehow, amazingly, last year he managed to love us well even during this season.  And I really desire to serve God and Andy well by being the help mate he needs. So I am praying for God to prepare me to balance it all. 

FOUR weeks of school left! Not just for the year, but only 4 weeks of homeschooling left for us as a family. I do not know how I feel that this chapter is over. But I am thrilled for the fall. If I could bypass the summer, I would. But there is so much to do first. The principal thought I would be teaching second grade, but she decided instead it would be third. I am observing the teacher I will team teach with this week. I cannot describe how thrilled I am to be teaching at a school. I need a team, and my children do too. And the team He has provided is phenomenal.

Life is so rich right now. It is a sweet season of seeing God answer so many prayers. God is finally revealing the answers to so many of my persistent questions. And I am overcome with the fullness of His presence and plan. Love our memory verse, 2 Corinthians 2:14-15, "But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession and through us spreads in every place the fragrance that comes from knowing Him."

Holding loosely

I have not been spending a good amount of time in the Word lately.  And I can tell, because I have a white-knuckled grip on worldly things.  I have found myself envious and less compassionate.  I have been more self-centered and less others-centered.  My thoughts are all about me, lately.  And life is pretty dull when I set my sights on what is temporal.  I need to remember whose I am, and hold the things of this world a little more loosely.  (It is all His anyway.  I have no ownership, I am just a steward here.)

I sometimes forget that every blessing and trial, every relationship and potential relationship, every moment and breath are opportunities to serve Jesus and share Him.  And I am remembering that life isn't about getting what I want out of it, it is about giving of myself for the glory of Jesus.  I forget that in loving my family well and pointing them to my Savior, I am sharing Christ with generations of people.  I forget that in serving and loving others, I am also sharing Christ with generations.  Every day, every moment, an opportunity to follow Christ and to keep my eyes on the finish line of heaven.

All the separate callings of my life- being a help mate, raising and educating our children, teaching, serving, being part of a larger family, friendships, a church body- they are to all be done for the glory of God, always with Him in mind.  As much as I love people, I must love others for the glory of God. Then I can extend bold love (even to those who do not deserve it or will never give it in return), and people will not disappoint.

I have trouble keeping my eyes fixed on Christ.  He knows this, and I thank Him for always gently reminding me.  When this life is over, His glory will be all that is on my mind-forever.  How hard to imagine, but what a joy that will be!  To finally live for worship, exactly what I was created to do!

2 Corinthians 5:6-10
"So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord- for we walk by faith, not by sight.  Yes, we do have confidence, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.  So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.  For all of us must appear before the judgment seat of Christ..."

Happy birthday, Mom and Dad!

Mom and Dad both have birthdays in April.  This year is a big one for Dad, as he turns the big 6-5.  And it's a big one for Mom after all that has happened to her since her last birthday (battle with cancer).  We enjoyed an evening with them.   I have enjoyed seeing them often since we moved back to Alabama.  So thankful to be close to all of our family.  We have missed a lot of birthdays over the years.  It is really fun to be here to celebrate now.

Praying Mom and Dad will have some easy years ahead of them.  It's been a rough time here these last couple.  Praying that on their next birthday they would both feel better than they have in a long time.  They just closed on a new house yesterday, and it is very close to the school where I will be teaching and the kids attending.  We are so excited about that close proximity and being able to enjoy these years with them.  Get ready Mom and Dad, we might be spending the night every now and then! Love them both so much!

Eating like we own an organic farm (this is going to be difficult)

As I have mentioned, we moved to rural Alabama a year ago from Atlanta to start an organic farm.  Over the past year, my husband has had me watch and read a lot of information on farming, particularly mass food production.  It has been quite convicting because, although we generally eat a well-balanced diet, we are certainly not opposed to junk food.  Nor do we avoid the weekly stop at Wendy's or Zaxby's (and lately a Dairy Queen blizzard has been a fun treat).  Even with this said, I think my kids eat healthier than the average American child.  Fast food once a week is not bad, on average.  Ice cream from Dairy Queen every now and then is not bad, on average.  I do, after all, make them drink milk with dinner, avoid soft drinks, and eat their veggies or fruit with each meal.  Yes, this is exactly what I have been telling myself for years.

I recommend that everyone watch a documentary that tells the story of the food we eat.  Food, Inc. is a good one.  There are almost always mass-producing farm documentaries on PBS, too.  After all, we need to know what we are feeding our families.  Most of us care deeply about what their soul and mind intake.  We spend hours praying, searching, delivering what they need.  And we guard their hearts and minds, often asking God to do so, as well.  But we might not be as particular and protective with their bodies.  And the effects on our children, families, and society are going to be devastating.

Lunch was pretty good today: apple, carrots, brown rice, sweet potato crackers, and cheese

It's not rocket science, really.  Grains, produce, and fruit are covered with bug-killing poisons.  Watch a film of the crop pilots flying over and dumping tons of gallons of herbicides and pesticides on the food we buy in the stores.  Watch how cows, chickens, and other animals are injected with hormones and fed foods they do not naturally eat, all for the sake of fast growth, fast production, fast money.  It really is not a stretch at all to connect these foods with autism, cancer, autoimmune disorders, etc.  I will surely miss my Cheez-its, Campbell's soup, and Wal-mart's cheap apples for lunch.

It is very sobering.  Trust me, this all puts a major kink in my diet.  I grew up with Better Cheddars and Coca-Cola on the countertop waiting for me after school.  But I personally know the pain of being told my child might have a disorder on the autistic spectrum.  (Thank you Lord that we had the best of outcomes.)  And I have personally experienced cancer in my family.  And I can confidently declare that I am not willing to enjoy my Cinnamon Toast Crunch and conventional fruits and vegetables at the risk of having poor health, or causing my children or grandchildren to be at risk. 

Do not get me wrong, there are other things that factor into these diseases and disorders, both environmentally and genetically.  There is no easy fix.  And ultimately I am not in control of the universe.  But just like anything else I do as a human being/wife/parent, I am responsible for making the best choices I can.  So this week we are making the transition to organic eating.  It can be quite expensive, even for those of us with gardens and egg-laying chickens!  But it is important enough that I am willing to make sacrifices.  My children will not be involved in every activity that comes along.  Our clothes are always hand-me-downs or "gently used" (or from Target).  Furniture that we buy is also "gently used" or passed down from a relative.  I do a lot of home-made baking and cooking as opposed to pre-packaged, convenient, expensive stuff.  (Less activities for the kids=more time to cook)  We will eat more deer meat than cow meat, because we have a ton in the freezer from hunting season.  We will not be eating out, hardly at all.  Books we buy are used, if not from the library.  The list goes on and on...usually there are corners that can be cut.  It is very convicting to consider that I have been putting our clothing, furnishings, vehicles, etc. above our health. 

Organic chicken tortilla soup, UNorganice multi grain chips

My husband is trying to start a movement of selling organic fruit, veggies, and eggs at a price that is comparable to "conventional" food.  We hate that the price of organic food prevents people from eating well.  If you live in Alabama, check out our website at : backhomefarm.com.  Just replacing conventional milk, veggies, fruit, beef, eggs, and chicken with organics is so huge.  (Even if you still eat your Cheez-its and Cheerios.)

This is all a transition for us.  It will be different and hard, even in today's market where organics are much easier to find.  Praying for diligence and perseverance.  Selfishly praying for tangible evidence of the results of healthier eating, because we will need that encouragement.  This is all going to be new and different.  My husband took the kids on an errand and they all came back with a Hershey bar. :)  And, I cannot seem to break my habit of having a Coke Zero in the afternoons.  Did I mention that I had to put an entire teaspoon of (organic) sugar on the kids' (Kashi) cereal in order for them to eat it this morning?  Oh well, baby steps.

Tuesdays

On Tuesdays we do not have to be anywhere. I try to take the kids on a long walk around the farm in the afternoon time when chores and school are all done. Today, as always, we found some fresh treasures.
Lots of honeysuckle, the kids' favorite.

We planted a small orchard last year behind the house. Today we discovered our first peaches!
The dog was as hyper and out of control as always. The clouds began to bulge with impending rain, so we headed home (it was a short walk) and the kids got on the trampoline. I truly do not know how any family makes it without one. The kids spend probably a dozen hours a week on ours. Jumping, diving on bean bags, throwing beach balls. Around 5:30 we came in and I started dinner. A few minutes later the clouds exploded and my sweetie came knocking on the back door, soaked. The produce here at the farm is beginning to come in. Notice the new potatoes he brought in for dinner tomorrow night. Lettuce, radishes, spinach, onions, and now potatoes are ready! So I lit some warm candles while he took a shower and we had a nice dinner together. Then Lydie turned on music and entertained us with dancing and a fashion show until showers and bedtime. Now they are all tucked in bed. Andy is reading to the boys, Lydie is anxiously awaiting the Tooth Fairy. Another simple Tuesday at our house.

Wedding celebration

Our dear friend, "Vance", got married over the weekend. Andy was a groomsman and Lydia Joy was a flower girl. We had such a great time at the hotel and festivities making new friends and seeing old ones. I told my husband at least a dozen times how handsome he looked. Wow, the farmer cleans up really nicely! (a couple of pictures from the rehearsal)
The highlight of the weekend for us was watching our girl enjoy her role as flower girl. She took it very seriously. As in a one hour ceremony, and she did not move a muscle!! No sitting, no yawning, no slouching. She has the self-control of a boot camp soldier, that one! And she looked pretty darling, I have to admit. The little ring bearer is son to our very good friends. He and Lydie have know each other their whole lives, and just recently they spent a weekend with us on the farm. So they had this evening all planned out. They were going to dance the night away! They received a lot of attention and were very cute. At the rehearsal, Lydie made friends with all of the bridesmaids. So at the reception, I would lose track of her only to find a bridesmaid holding her. It was really sweet. We all had such a great time. It is so fun to listen to the sermon, hear the vows, see the joy, and remember our own wedding day. It is good to hear those vows every now and then. And then when we snap back into the present day, look around at our three beautiful children and praise God for all He has done for us in fifteen years, and all we pray he will bring to the lives of our sweet, newlywed, friends as they start a new life together. Champagne, dancing, celebration...weddings are so much fun!

Easter treats

in the kitchen...Easter bunny cake, tradition carried on from my Aunt Charlotte. Isn't it funny how some of us never forget a special childhood tradition?

Pink Peeps. The kids and I didn't like them, at all. I keep thinking each year we will come around. But, no can do.

This was our first year to make Resurrections Rolls. They loved the symbolism. They were a hit for breakfast on Easter morning!

Easter Sunday

In light of our fresh, big news, Easter was especially sweet. Because we had spent three weekends in a row getting our Atlanta house ready to put on the market, I did not volunteer to host this year. My sweet brother and sister-in-law offered, though. We enjoyed a beautiful church service and lunch at their house. In fact, we stayed too long and found ourselves leaving around 6pm. (Thank you, Mimi and Papa, for the children's Easter outfits. They were so sweet.)
Thoughtful Aunt Chelle planned a scavenger hunt indoors and the men hid eggs for an Easter egg hunt outdoors. The kids loved it so much. (Thank you for all the thought you put into those activities, Aunt Chelle!) And lunch was delicious. Aunt Chelle cooked all of the food, with Mom and I only contributing desserts. It was a restful, fun day for us.
How do you process the resurrection? Our Savior's life, death, and resurrection? All we can do is worship and hold our hands high and our heads low in worship to our great Messiah. So thankful to live in the light of His great sacrifice. So thankful for the great joy and hope he brings to such a dark world, and to my own dark heart. He is Risen!! He is risen, indeed!

"Men point to the sad incidents of human life on earth, and they ask “Where is the love of God?” God points to that Cross as the unreserved manifestation of love so inconceivably infinite as to answer every challenge and silence all doubt for ever. And that Cross is not merely the public proof of what God has accomplished; it is the earnest of all that He has promised." [Sir Robert Anderson]

The answer

“Life is not a straight line leading from one blessing to the next and then finally to heaven. Life is a winding and troubled road. Switchback after switchback. And the point of biblical stories like Joseph and Job and Esther and Ruth is to help us feel in our bones (not just know in our heads) that God is for us in all these strange turns. God is not just showing up after the trouble and cleaning it up. He is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far-reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ.” ― John Piper, A Sweet and Bitter Providence: Sex, Race, and the Sovereignty of God

I have tried not to write much here this past month or two. The main reason is because in the winter I hit rock bottom in the process of accepting our new life and all that it entails. The very week I found myself so far beyond what I could handle as far as desperation and feeling utterly lost here, God broke through and delivered a long succession of miraculously answered prayers. As I have often found, he seems to get my attention with His eleventh hour answers. And He blows me away with His tender, personal grace. I'll start at the beginning.

A couple of months ago I was a pretty miserable wreck. I felt like I hit a pretty big wall with homeschooling the year that we decided to move here (early 2011). But as we found no other option that lead to peace or belonging, I continued to homeschool. It has been a daily challenge to educate and love the children well, while feeling restless and lonely.

Finally I decided to consider the option of driving the kids to one of the two schools that I love. Both are an hour away. I have dismissed the idea thousands of times before because I really didn't want my children in the car 2 hours a day and I feel guilty being a part of a community that is that far away from our home. But something had to change. So I made an appointment to tour the school. Cancelled. Two times. And the third time my husband encouraged me to go. And I did, and consequently I fell in love. BIG TIME. When I left the school I felt a sense of peace for the first time since we moved to our farm. Not only did I fall in love with the school and all that it has to offer, but I made a really good friend. We talked so long that we got embarrassed and left the building...only to talk another hour in the parking lot. And I came home that day with Hope.

So we began the very long, arduous task of applying for the school. The references and application itself took a week to complete. In the meantime, I decided that one hour in the morning to have our devotion, eat breakfast, pray, chat, and review schoolwork wouldn't be all bad. It was, afterall, a drive with almost no traffic and through a beautiful area of Alabama. After sharing it all with Andy, he offered to take the application to the school in person. He wanted to meet some people and see for himself what it was all about. Not only did he meet some teachers and administrators, but he took a tour and he loved what he saw. During that tour, Andy was asked how we had heard of the classical Christian model of education. He mentioned that I taught at a classical school, and that we have homeschooled with the same philosophy. And a job opening in the elementary school was mentioned.

Andy casually informed me of that teaching position a couple of days later. I immediately dismissed it. I have been a stay at home Mom since my last trimester of pregnancy with Jackson. In June it will be 12 years! I just never considered juggling working outside the home with being a Mom. But as quickly as I dismissed the idea, God kept putting it on my heart. Over the course of the next week or two I found myself in various conversations about education. These conversations ignited a passion in me. So I decided to just look at the application. And the next thing I knew, it was the middle of the night and I had filled out the entire thing, including the dozen or so questions about my philosophy, ideas about discipline, classroom atmosphere, etc. It was fun. And I became giddy, and utterly delighted at the idea of being in a classroom teaching again. Does anyone else get butterflies when they walk into a school and smell crayons and pencils? What sweet memories it brings!

That was a month ago. Since then, I have collected references (pretty funny task for a girl who has been unemployed for 12 years!), been interviewed twice by the principal and then the school board, and waited and prayed for endless, long days. I did more than pray, I groveled and begged and pleaded with God to please, PLEASE let this be His will. Lo and behold, this past weekend I was offered the teaching position, and after the application process, student testing, and additional interviews, my children were accepted into the school, as well. We are elated, blown away, and so very thankful.

For 13 months I have woken up every day feeling like I am in a foreign land (visit our farm and you might agree). We have struggled to find a church home. I have not really had an opportunity to make new friends. I have struggled to homeschool in isolation. I miss what we had in Atlanta. Terribly. And I have vacillated between guilt and overload with trying to spend time with my Mom and Dad during Mom's battle with cancer and provide the education that I want for my children this year. In addition, as I have watched my husband thrive and my children all settle in happily, I have felt very frustrated and confused with myself. There's just no better word for how I have felt than misplaced! Remember how Jesus was tempted in the desert? Well this has been like my desert, and I am not brave enough to tell you the temptations I have faced. Every ugly demon from my past has made a visit. But thankfully, the Holy Spirit has guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus, even when it was heavy and quite hopeless. Although I can not and will not claim perfect obedience, I can say His grace has been sufficient for me. And as I have weakly called on Him and trusted Him, He has sustained me and my marriage. Thanks be to God alone.

For those who do not know, classical education is one of my obsessions. I have several: history (particularly ancient history), decorating and fabric, women's ministry, my family, Jesus, and classical education. What a strange combination. I am beyond thrilled to find out what God had planned for me, He knew all along what was coming. Even though I know I haven't handled this transition perfectly, I am so thankful that I have been able to press forward and face all 365+ of these new mornings trusting the Lord. Not just trusting, but clinging. Not always resting in Him, but always, always clinging (for.dear.life) Because almost every morning it has been a real struggle. And because He is my Great Love and his mercy and compassions are endless, this teaching position allows me to enjoy all of my obsessions. Most importantly, I have the great priveledge of teaching in a Christian school where I can teach a biblical worldview and share the gospel with my students. Also, I will teach ancient history (I will either be teaching 2nd or 3rd grade, ancient Egyptian or ancient Roman/Greek history. Squeal.). The school is looking to get rid of some fluff (i.e. kitty and puppy posters) in the elementary school, and focus on an aesthetic that is more classical in nature. I have been asked to help. (Double squeal.) I will be part of a staff and get to know parents, creating an opportunity to both love and be loved by friends. (Fulfilling my craving to be involved in women's ministry again.) And my sweet children will be under the same roof with me! The younger two and I will be out at 1:00, and Jack will be out at 3:00. So I will still share lunch with Josh and Lydie. Such a sweet grace as we all get used to the transition! And although we will see my husband less, I am so excited to experience what our marriage will be like when we are both feeling excited about living here. God has provided far abundantly more than what I could have dreamed a couple of months ago when I was spending thirty minutes each morning just asking for the strength to throw my legs out from under the covers and get started with the day. And I know I don't deserve it.

It will take a long time for me to get over the indescribable joy I have in seeing this opportunity that is so perfectly designed for me become a reality. Unbelievable!! Not only is this a good thing, it is my absolute dream come true. That sweet friend who I met when I toured the school has been praying for her twin daughters' teacher, as she nervously ends her own season with homeschooling and puts them in school for the first time. As it turns out, I will teach them, if not all day, at least part of the day. Unbelievable grace. And we have received an email from one of the sweetest college girls we know who wants to work on our farm for the entire month of July to help with the kids and other needs. That is an answer to the only detail that had me worried...what will the kids do when I need to work in my classroom this summer? Every single detail has been orchestrated by our gracious heavenly Father, who never sleeps nor slumbers, and who hears our cries and pleadings and rescues us. Why do I ever doubt?

My best friend (who has heard my droning about education from day 1 of our friendship, 8 years ago) says she feels like she is watching a fairy tale unfold. She feels like this situation is what I have always dreamed of. She is right, and I feel this way as well. I know life will not be perfect, of course. But I am really looking forward to this new chapter for our family. If you have taken the time to read my entire story, won't you take one more minute to praise our Heavenly Father with us? And if you are in a place of sadness and sorrow, please know that I know your pain and I would love the priviledge of praying with you. I know how to pray desperately, I know what it is like to feel desperate. Please know you are not alone.

Lastly, I want to share words from my favorite character in the Bible, my heart has always resonated with hers, especially now. I cry almost everytime I read it. On this earth I could have lived on the crumbs with still more than I deserve, and yet he has invited me to dance and dine at this Feast. Amazing. Matthew 15:21-28:
Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.” Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said. He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.

Beauty

Today Lydie and I were shopping for Easter shoes. As we approached the check out line she motioned for me to lean down to her level and listen to a secret. She whispered, "Could you tell those two ladies that I think they are beautiful?" I looked at who she was referring to and saw the most lovely, white-haired, elderly ladies. I hesitated because, well, I was a stranger telling two ladies they were beautiful. It felt a little awkard!

We were asked to move to the other check out line and I began trying to come up with the right words. I finally decided I was being silly. I should just say, "My daughter asked me to tell you that she thinks you are both beautiful." But I turned around and they were gone. I was mad at myself all day long. I wonder how long it had been since someone had told them how beautiful they are. I wish I would have told them right away.

I love the perspective of a little, innocent girl. I know that soon enough society will try to redefine her idea of beauty. It might not be long before artificial, shallow beauty appeals to her. I will do all that I can to fight that possibility. Praying God will guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus and enable her to see the world and other people as He does! Praying she will prize a gentle and "quiet" spirit, a servant heart, and a beautiful, inquisitive mind more than the things that are passing away.

Spring Break

Last week was our Spring Break. It left us rejuvenated and refreshed. We spent most of the time sleeping late and playing outside, and trying really hard to balance resting with catching up around here. I got a few areas organized- the hutch (pantry), the frig, and the closets. I also took all of the kids' clothes to the consignment store. And one day I mulched and planted flowers in the beds in the yard. But these things only required a small part of each day to be filled with work.
The children spent dozens of hours with the dog, on the trampoline, in the sprinkler, exploring outside. I bought them a new Wii game that we played most evenings (Mario 2012 Olympics game). We also rented a movie one night and I let them each pick out their favorite dinner and served it one night last week.

We chose two special activities for the week. The boys wanted to tour Vulcan Park. I was so thrilled that the museum actually provided an educational field trip for us that pertained to what we are learning in history. There were beautiful pictures and plaques about the Great Depression, the World Wars, and the New Deal and how that affected the city of Birmingham. I very much enjoyed studying the history of my birthplace with the kids, and sharing a love for Alabama with them. Loved those unplanned learning opportunities! And then we went to sweet Homewood to eat lunch at O'Carrs, one of my favorite places to eat when I was in high school and summers that I was home in college. Sharing these places with my own children never gets old!
Later in the week we had our second fun outing, playing mini golf together (again the boys' request). We finished golfing with only minutes to spare before a huge rainstorm hit the area. I was so thankful to be able to fulfill their second wish for the week without having the rain spoil their fun.
This past weekend my parents came to the farm and watched the kids while Andy and I went to Atlanta. Our friends have been renting our house there and we were doing yard work and repairs in order to put the house on the market next month. We really enjoyed our time together, even though most of it was spent working. Just the time in the car and the evenings at dinner and the hotel, which provided hours of uninterrupted conversation, was such a treat. We are going back this weekend to try and finish a huge check list. I am excited.

We are trying to accept the fact that we will probably have to bring a big check to closing...to PAY the bank when we sell our house. Even though we put down the standard 20% on our home, we will be "upside down" on the sell price. We took out a loan when our basement flooded in 2008, which is part of the problem. Also, even though our house is so sweet and in a nice neighborhood, we can probably expect to receive an offer for $35,000-$40,000 less than we paid for it. For a couple with three kids who have lived on one income for 12 years, this is a huge financial blow. But we have also been given huge financial gifts. So we have to cut our losses and look forward. We are certain it will be okay.

There are big things happening around here this week! Can't wait to write more. Happy spring!

One year on the farm

Yesterday, March 12th, marked our one year anniversary of living on our farm. This year has held many joys and trials that were very monumental, and had nothing at all to do with our living here. For one, my Mom was diagnosed, treated, and consequently found free of cancer. All in 365 days- cancer cells prevalent, cancer cells removed, cancer cells gone. Amazing.

All three of my children have almost completed another grade. They have each found new hobbies, and acquired new skills. My husband has learned how to farm and start a farming business. We have another year of parenting and marriage under our belts, which includes so much!

But truly, this year has been about learning to be content. And, much to my dismay, I often feel like I am no closer today than I was 365 days ago. This year has not only been about learning contentment, but also about learning to compromise, understanding myself better, learning how to give deeply of myself , how to draw boundaries when I am stretched too far, and learning how to deal with my own anger. I have never been so angry in my life as I have been while working through the areas listed above. It's hard, confusing, and frustrating trying to fight my flesh and listen to God. I love Frederick Buechner's words on anger and find them to be perfectly true:

"Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past...to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you."

from Wishful Thinking

I have learned that waiting on God can be absolutely infuriating if I mean for it to be. And I think in the throws of helplessness, I have often been "the skeleton at the feast." I have learned that although sometimes decisions and actions need to be made, often my fretting over the future is unnecessary and paralyzing. And I often do not have the discernment to know when to act (my tendency) and when to wait (my husband's). I hope I will have more understanding in this area on our second anniversary of farm living!

I have learned one more thing, which may be the most important, or at least the most beautiful. I have learned that God has gifted me with an undying love for my husband. I knew this before, but I know it on a deeper level as it has been put to the test. Like no one else on earth, I long for restoration when we are at odds, affection when we are apart, and compassion when I feel sad or defeated. Even in the midst of utter disagreement, there is this unwavering pull or connection that triumphs. It is unfathomable how God has so closely knit together two hearts, especially when our personalities and interests are polar opposites. I am so thankful to experience this type of intimacy with my Andy.

Even though I am not where I want to be, by a long stretch, I feel differently now than I did a year ago. This beautiful, stinking farm, with the loud chickens, messy yard, always-dirty floors, endless work, and inconvenient location has made me feel more desperate for Christ. I am so small and He is so big. Maybe a larger view of one's own weakness and frailty is often a good thing.

"Your life and my life flow into each other as wave flows into wave, and unless there is peace and joy and freedom for you, there can be no real peace or joy or freedom for me...unless we live for each other and in and through each other, we do not really live very satisfactorily; that there can really be life only where there really is, in just this sense, love."

Frederick Buechner, The Magnificent Defeat

Sleep vs. Sanity

My sleep pattern is off. Such a shame because I normally feel so energetic and vibrant, and this week I feel so sluggish and dissatisfied. I have family members who pride themselves on only sleeping 4 or less hours a night. I did not inherit those genetics. I need 7-8 hours of sleep for optimal health, like the average person, according to all the articles have read on the subject.
This past few weeks we have had many interruptions to our sleep. Nightmares, colds, loud or loose chickens. The children are welcomed to wake me up when they need me. But I am literally about to kill the chickens. Just spend six months with their "Cock-a-doodle-doos", especially when you have always been a city girl who is not a morning person, and you will daydream of wringing their necks. Savage, but true. Or am I just tired and crazy?
Here is the irony of it all. I have been staying up LATER this week. And here is why: I NEED TIME ALONE. My children (one or more) are with me 24/7. And then from 8:30-10:00 is time to be with my husband. And then he falls asleep and the house is SO QUIET. I cannot bear to leave the beautiful peacefulness of it all and go to sleep! I need to exist in quiet! So I read, use the computer, or watch television until I cannot bear to stay awake any more. Sometimes I light a candle and turn on music. It fuels me!! That is, until 5:30 when the rooster screams.

Spring madness!!!

There is a lot going on around here. I am about to list the craziness that is our spring. This post is probably a little silly and very boring.
March...We are anticipating some changes around here this fall. But I am not certain they will work out, so I can't elaborate yet. I have been up all hours of the night with paperwork and the like. If it all works out, there will be much prep time required this spring! In addition, our house in Marietta is about to go back on the market (we have been renting it). Getting the house ready will require a couple of work weekends in Atlanta for Andy and me. Also, I can not forget that I have a pile of clothes to take to the kids' consignment store to sell because I literally forgot about the sale I signed up for until a day later!
Spring break is in two weeks and I have been very careful to not give the children high hopes. I have promised a trip to the Vulcan in Birmingham, and that is it! But I hope we can go to a movie and do another fun thing or two. We all need a break! That week needs to be spent on some projects around the house and planting my sunflowers for the markets this summer.
Also in March we may be beginning an addition to the house, which is so needed. We are adding a sunroom beside the kitchen and I am so excited. The kids and I have celebrated St. Patrick's day for a couple of years since the year we studied him in history. I have my eye on a rainbow cake that I would like to make that day. Besides this stuff, Lydie has her first gymnastics meet and my darling nieces are dancing in Sleeping Beauty and Lydie and I are going to cheer them on. Oh, I need to decide if the kids' will go to any local summer camps and get them signed up. Then there's the usual stuff that already fills up my days!! I am SO thankful that Josh wants to play golf with Jackson and not baseball this year. March will be a doozy.

April...Lydia Joy and Andy are in a friend's wedding. Andy will spend a camping weekend away for a "bachelor party" and then we will travel another weekend to Atlanta for the wedding festivities. Some time around the beginning of April my Mom will have reconstructive surgery. She is so excited to get this over with and complete the last step of her recovery from breast cancer. But I am dreading the amount of pain it will bring her. We will need to travel to Birmingham a lot in April to help her. Easter is coming! Andy's parents very generously bought outfits for the kids already. We just need to buy new shoes and Easter treats. Looking forward to our Easter tree and devotions. I will volunteer to throw an Easter party at the boys' hybrid school. In addition, both Mom and Dad have birthdays in April, and I am planning to celebrate them well this year. We are also having three kids from our youth group in Atlanta come to visit for a weekend in April. So excited to see them before they head off to college in the fall!

May...Ballet recital, Gymnastics Meet, End-of-the-Year party at the boys' hybrid school, finishing school, standardized testing, and our annual "Goodbye Spring, Hello Summer" party. I am hoping to have the entire family at our farm for a day of family olympics, grilling, and homemade ice cream. Then it's summer time!

I am sure most Moms of mulitiple children have full calendars like mine this time of year. Isn't spring just crazy? This list did make my stomach churn a little. But it's also exciting. This is life! It's hard, but so rewarding. I just keep reminding myself, "I can do hard things (through Christ who strengthens me)!" And take it one.day.at.a.time.

Celebrating my favorite person

We tried our best to spoil Andy for his birthday yesterday. He's pretty easy to please. We started the day with his favorite breakfast: biscuits::eggs::sausage::grits! The kids emptied their little penny banks into envelopes for Daddy. What love! I gave Andy a radio/I-pod player that is especially made for construction sites. He can use it on the tractor/in the barn (across the street) without worrying that it will break. And "the farm" gave him a mini refrigerator for the barn, too. Then we cheered on Joshua at his last basketball game, along with Mimi and Papa. On the way home, we stopped for lunch at a new deli that we have been curious about. Had a lunch of hot soup and sandwiches, along with good conversation with Andy's parents. (Mainly talk of politics. Good stuff.)

We had a few hours at home in the afternoon. Andy showed his Dad all that is going on around the farm. Mimi took a nap. And my parents came to hang out, too. I made a birthday cake for Andy. This cake is at its best when it is piping hot out of the oven. It's a homemade chocolate cake with homemade chocolate icing (the kind made from confectioner's sugar that is thin and sweet). You take the cake out of the oven, pour on the icing while it's warm, and throw on a scoop of ice cream. Then you eat it immediately. It's scrumptious.

For dinner we tried out a new restaurant. We liked it very much. These types of places are my favorite: old, renovated houses, jazz music, candlelight, beautiful artwork, good service, and yummy food. Andy's parents and mine joined our family for a really good meal. (Do you see a pattern here? They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. This is true for my husband. For sure.)

Finally, we came home, put the kids to bed, and talked on the sofa until I fell asleep. It was a sweet day. Happy 37th birthday, darling! We love you so much! You are a wonderful man and worth celebrating!!

Working hard

February has been a month of very full school days. This week has been packed with six hour school days- a long school day for homeschoolers. Considering homeschooling is like one-on-one tutoring, you can pack a TON in a 6 hour day!

Here what the boys are working very hard on right now:

Learning about the Holy Spirit and worldviews in theology

Learning how to drive a tractor, plant crops, nurture seedling in a greenhouse, train a dog, and cement posts in an orchard (Farming 101 :) )

Canadian geography

MASTERING multiplication/division (I want them to know the answers instantaneously...no hesitation!)

Converting decimals to fractions, and vice versa

Fractions- adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing- reducing to lowest terms

Latin root words

Memorizing Bible verses and poetry

Drawing war items from WWI (mechanics of drawing)

Reading, reading, reading! (They read a chapter book each week, along with reading in almost every other subject. It is very stretching for my 3rd grader. But my 5th grade book-lover continues to read various other books each week, outside of school, for pleasure!)

Exploring/researching/reading about the Great Depression and the New Deal

Writing fictional accounts of life as a soldier in WWI (focus on using descriptive words and plot development)

Writing reports on Canadian geography (learning the mechanics of good paragraphs)

Memorizing the US Presidents

Memorizing the US capitals

Memorizing the prepositions song

Learning the difference between a direct object and a predicate noun/adjective

Using subject/verb agreement in sentences

The concept of "perspective" in art

Learning to use deductive reasoning to solve logic puzzles

And many, many character lessons (sharing, empathy, patience, etc.)

As their teacher, my goal is for them to become scholars. A scholar is defined as "one who loves to learn and is good at it." There are so many reasons this is important to me and I have chosen the avenue of classical Christian education to achieve this goal. I desire for my children to be leaders characterized by wisdom, virtue, and eloquence- for God's glory.

With the recent conversations I find myself in due to the current political climate, I am especially passionate about their education. During the last week alone, I have been asked by other adults "Do you believe the entire Bible is literally true?" "What do you believe about the origin of the earth?" "Should government be able to allow private companies to choose what medical procedures they will cover in insurance policies?" "How involved should America be in foreign affairs?" "Does faith play a role in politics?" "Is the world in worse condition spiritually than it was 100 years ago?" "Whose responsibility is it to take care of the poor?"

And these questions have humbled and challenged me. I have my opinions, but the answers are not simple. But I am so thankful for the amount I have learned while teaching my children. It has continually shaped my worldview. I would definitely consider the amount that I have learned in the last four years to be equal to my college education. And all of the questions that have come my way have encouraged and inspired me to want to know and teach more! I think it is glorifying to God when we seek to know the truth about this world He gave us to maintain. My children (and I) need to know what we believe and how to articulate it well. We need a thorough, liberal arts education in order to really know what is true and good. And with this goal in mind, we will push ahead and run hard with perseverance! There is so much to learn together!

"A good education is for shaping and cultivating our humanity."

~Christopher Perrin

Wendell Berry

On Monday night I gave Andy an early birthday present. We went out to dinner and then to hear Wendell Berry speak at a university nearby. Andy is a big fan of Mr. Berry's books. If you have read them you know that many are set on farms or in rural settings. He writes essays, short stories, and poems and they are very unique, simple, and beautiful. These words could be used to describe Andy, as well: unique, simple, beautiful.

I did not take any pictures that night. We were really doing well to do the daily stuff at home, get the kids to grandparents (with packed suitcases) an hour away from home, and make it to dinner and then the university by 7:00. The afternoon was a bit of a whirlwind. And I do not recall ever having a date night on Monday before. But it was a lovely night. So worth the effort!

Mr. Berry spoke of his passion for reading, writing, the outdoors, and sustainable farming. It was quite interesting to hear his simple, but articulate, opinions on the future of our country, big-scale farms, and even religion. I was struck by the way his no-frills life has touched so many.

"We learn from our gardens how to deal with the most urgent question of the time: How much is enough?"

~Wendell Berry

I want that type of success, too. One that gives more than takes. One that gets ahead in life not by stepping on others, but by being servant-leaders. One that values what God has created and is a good steward of those things. I pray that each of us here in our home will use the gifts and talents that God has given us to do, be, and say for the glory to God (and not ourselves).

Love and Greyce

On Sunday we went to church with my brother's family. His youngest daughter accepted Jesus as her Savior in November and got baptized on Sunday. Although it happens occasionally, my children do not often see children and adults get baptized at our church. (Presbyterians administer infant baptism, holding to the concepts of covenant theology.) Lydie especially was asking questions about the baptismal, etc.
It was a special day. My brother baptized my niece, which was SO sweet! The church made a short video where our niece told of the story of how she came to know Christ- her testimony. And the video was so HER. Smiley, giggley. "Could my three nieces and three nephews be any cuter?", I kept rhetorically asking myself. (The answer is a resounding NO! They are absolutely THE CUTEST.)
I am a crier. (I am a hugger, too.) Regardless, I try to keep my tears and touchy-feelyness under wraps. But I cannot help myself on days like this one. I hugged and cried profusely (and kissed, too). Because these sweet children-their hearts, souls, and minds being under the Lordship of Christ-this is what we long for. I cried until my lip quivered. Sweet little Greyce. What a blessing!

Auburn love

After Joshua's basketball game on Saturday we went to spend the day at Auburn. Joshua has been asking to go to an Auburn basketball game and we finally found the time to take him. We had a wonderful day together at the game, and walking around campus and downtown. The new Arena is wonderful. The kids especially loved the old pictures and little museum there. The basketball games are a lot of fun with lots of entertainment for families. It was a good time. I am so thrilled that we only live an hour away!

The Auburn Creed etched into the outside wall of the Arena

We have moved around a lot in our fifteen years of marriage. And if I ever feel misplaced I can always find that "home sweet home" feeling as I walk the streets of our Alma Mater. I met and fell in love with my husband there. I became an adult there. And I went from a new, baby Christian to a married woman, all on in this town. And now my own children are dreaming of going to college there, too. We love sweet Auburn!

Did anyone hear Octavia Spencer give a "War Eagle!" on the red carpet at the Oscar's last night. When she won the Oscar for her amazing acting in The Help I almost flipped out. Three cheers for Alabama natives/Auburn alums!